Older women, younger men relationship..serious discussion.!

Thank You Aaditya...and Waheed !!

OK!! Facts ... and ... stats!!

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
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Older woman, younger man relationships
Women have more options than ever - including men!
 
By Star Lawrence
Updated: 4:00 p.m. ET Dec. 29, 2003

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. These pioneering couples are just the most visible December-May hookups of older women dating younger men.

Braving "robbing the cradle" jokes, almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating younger men (defined as 10 or more years younger). According to a recent AARP poll, one-sixth of women in their 50s, in fact, prefer men in their 40s.

It's not what you think -- the stamina or "re-boot" ability of the younger male. The women like the flexibility and sense of adventure of their more spontaneous, younger companions, Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed family therapist in practice in Long Beach, Calif., and author of "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again", tells WebMD. For their part, the men like the sophistication and life success of their older mates, she explains. The much touted idea that women peak sexually in their 30s and men in their teens does not enter into it -- most of these couples are beyond both those age periods.

Other reasons behind this trend
According to Tessina, other reasons underlying this expansion of everyone's dating choices include:

Older women are looking better every day, thanks to creative medical advances and a gym on every corner.
Women are more likely to come back on the dating market because of divorce and a longer expected life span.
Not as many women are looking for the picket fence and two cars. Now companionship, travel, and fun are coming to the forefront.
Women may also want a man with a less-developed career who could follow her or take care of children, if that is a factor.
For their part, younger men often find older women more interesting, experimental, fun to talk to, financially settled, and more adept sexually.
But what about the notion that men are "hard-wired" to seek a smooth-faced, curvy receptacle for reproduction and thus are drawn to younger women? "Humans are relatively flexible species," Michael R. Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist in the department of communications at the University of Louisville, tells WebMD. "Factors other than biological can be attractive. You can override a lot of biology in pursuit of other goals."

Interestingly, Cunningham did an unpublished study of 60 women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, who were shown pictures of men aged to those decades. "The women," he says, "were more interested in men their own age or older."

As for the men, he says: "I guess it could be nice not to hang around a ditz with no knowledge of music or something like that."

Getting over the "shoulds"
"We have strong 'shoulds' on ways of partnering up," Kathryn Elliott, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, explains to WebMD. "We are victims of inner-critic constrictedness. We think we should only weigh 120. We should marry people within two years of our age. We pathologize anything that isn't within those shoulds."

The key to making older women/younger man relationships work, Elliott says, is to match what she calls voltages. "Choose someone who is your voltage type -- has the same level of intensity about life. If the voltages are different, one becomes the pursuer and one the distancer. This can create pain."

Voltages are not a factor of age, she says.

"What you don't want," she explains, "is one partner wanting to go out, the other stay in; one willing to talk, the other wanting space (and silence to enjoy it)."

Dealing with the flak
Susan Winter is co-author, with Felicia Brings, of "Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance". She is 48 and has been in a relationship with a man 20 years younger since 1992. Before that, she hooked up with two men 16 years younger and another 20 years younger.

She works out a lot by her own admission (and judging by her track record in this department) and often meets partners at the gym, not the bars.
Winter tells WebMD that she and her co-author interviewed more than 200 couples for their book. Though hardly a scientific study, the research surfaced three myths such couples hear every time:

Myth No. 1 - "He will leave you for a younger woman." Winter says they did not find one younger man who did this, at least for a specific woman and because she was younger. "In some cases, the man wanted children," she says, "and the relationship fell apart because of that."

Myth No. 2 - "The woman was the seducer -- Mrs. Robinson." In all 200 cases, Winter says it was the man who initiated the contact.

Myth No. 3 -"It will never last." Winter said some of the couples they met had been together 25 year or more. The average length of the relationships was 13 years.

Pretty promising material out there
Winter is upbeat about the younger generations. "The boomers are lost sheep," she says. "All they can do to get a woman is dangle their Porsche keys." As you peel back the decades, though, the men get "cooler," she says. Guys in their 30s get her vote. "They grew up with AIDS, they are considerate. Such men (at least the ones interested in older women) are stable and mature. They don't want to be mothered. They want a woman who knows who she is."
Still, even Winter admits, this may not be for everyone. One columnist suggested that these men hie themselves back to the reproductive pool or else birth rates would sag.

"Saying this is just one more "should," Elliott says. "Why should a man worry about reproducing if he doesn't want to?"

Cunningham is slyer. "Men can reproduce until they die, almost," he says. "I can imagine an interesting older woman/younger man scenario where a man stays with an older woman until she dies, then takes a younger wife for the purpose of having children. This would be very adaptive, don't you think?"

WebMD content is provided to MSNBC by the editorial staff of WebMD. The MSNBC editorial staff does not participate in the creation of WebMD content and is not responsible for WebMD content. Remember that editorial content is never a substitute for a visit to a health care professional.

© 2006 WebMD Inc. All rights reserved.

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Now!! The Bitter Truth.

1. With the trend of older woman younger man ... the tredition of mariage is coming to an end.

2. This trend is well suited for ppl who believe in flirting.

3. This trend dosen't care for long lasting commitment ... commitment till death and after .... Its cool .. 'So what if my older wife dies ... i'll marry another' - says the younger man

4. This article answers all our answers ... adn well supports the point that younder man and older woman relation is happening and lasting.

5. But, it clearly states that the older female is mostly divorced.

6. It clearly states that the an imp reason for this is that women are looking considerably younger ... Thanx to medivine and gym!!

7. medicine = playing with nature!

8. men want their woman to be established and know who they are = men are not that comfident any more and don't want to take the responciblity of the female. ... hmmm ... Good .. good!!

Thanks for your comments and view phoenix....!!

Well, personally i dont object to such relationships, though it has some drawbacks, but if two poeple are so much in love..those drwabacks dont count much !!

kia yaar tum intna jagadh rahe ho............love me age nahi dil dekha jata hai.....................

Older Woman Younger Man[/b]


Kay Kopit is an accomplished artist, actor, writer, speaker and gifted teacher.

My husband and I have been happily married for 17 years. What makes our relationship unique is that Bryan was born in 1960 the year after I graduated high school. He is 19 years my junior; I am older than his mother. The secret of our success is a deeply committed love for one another. Ours is a passionate romance. Each of us is whole, happy and healthy. Bryan and I have a love that keeps my spirit young. I am sharing our story to give older women hope that they too can find peace and love with a younger man.

We met in 1985 during a rainy winter in San Francisco. We were neighbors on a tiny street near the historic Mission Dolores. The worst storm of the season was on its way and my roof was leaking profusely. I was in dire straits financially, having been newly divorced. I was preparing to fix it myself. Unfortunately my ladder wasn't tall enough. I needed help. None of the folks I knew were home that Saturday morning but I noticed an open door directly across from my house. I hurried upstairs to the second story flat in the azure painted duplex and walked down the long corridor to the living room. There on the sofa was a guy watching the football game on T.V. I introduced myself and then proceeded to ask for his assistance. He looked at me like I was crazy. The silence was deafening. How often does a stranger enter your apartment with a request for help with a major repair? I was flushed with embarrassment but was in too deep to recover. Fortunately he agreed to help me.

This uncommon beginning signaled the magic that lay before us. The sparks flew. We went on our first date within days of this meeting. Bryan's car was broken so we took the bus across the city to an authentic Moroccan restaurant where we sat on paisley cushions and ate with our fingers. I remember clearly how primitive this felt and how natural it was to be with him. He didn't seem the least bit concerned about my age. I, on the other hand, was more sensitive. I was healing from a codependent relationship of 12 years and had never experienced true intimacy. I wasn't sure it was the proper thing to do but I couldn't help myself; I was falling in love. I was scared because these feelings were coming so quickly.

Bryan moved in with me within weeks of our first meeting. I remember thinking if it didn't work out it would be easy to ask him to leave because all he owned was a T.V.

One evening in the spring we were waiting to board a dinner train in Mendocino. A drunken man approached us and said, "How come you two are dressed up? Are you getting married?" Bryan looked at me and said, "Yes, we are aren't we?" That was his proposal. It was decided we would plan a wedding for later that year. But, first I needed to meet Bryan's mother.

Just the thought of it terrified me! Bryan and his mother, Sharon, have a truly special bond. He insisted he would not tell anyone about our engagement until she and I met. We drove to southern California where Sharon was visiting her sister, Bryan's aunt. I felt sick the entire trip. I knew in advance he was going to take his mother shopping the next morning alone to break the news to her. I couldn't sleep at all that night. What felt so "right" to Bryan and me was unusual, especially in the eyes of a parent. When they returned from their excursion Sharon looked like she had just come from a funeral. Fortunately, for me, Aunt Toby accepted the situation and eased the tension by giving me a white angel ornament. His mother is a wonderful woman. In spite of her disappointment, she welcomed me into their family. Over the years our relationship has evolved into a unique friendship, a cross between a peer and a sister.

December 7, 1986, dressed in an ivory colored Victorian gown, I was driven to our wedding in a horse drawn carriage. I remember the sensation well. As I heard the clip-pity clop of the hoofs hitting the pavement I felt it was the happiest day of my life. The ride was several miles long and I enjoyed cars honking loudly at every turn. When we arrived at the elegant Alamo Square Inn Bryan was waiting to escort me inside to the nuptials. It was a good thing he took my hand, for as I exited the carriage, my knees collapsed from shaking so hard. The day was spectacular marking a lifetime of love.


Bryan continues to be my rock, strength and loving support. During our years together I have had many tragedies including: my brother John's suicide in 1988. I was hospitalized with a potentially life threatening blood clot in my lungs in 1998. Bryan stood by me through all of these. I married a great guy! I am a fortunate woman to have found true love in the heart of a younger man.

Age is but a notch on the tree of life. Does it really matter that I have more than he. We are all on a spiritual path. We choose lovers, friends and family to mirror our soul's development. Partners of different ages can accelerate this growth. These diverse emotional experiences are opportunities of a lifetime. Let's enjoy them.




Tosha .... the artical you have given here do you thing it is appropriate for this disscussion we are having here? NO. becouse they are taking about a age diffrience of 10 OR more years and also they are taking abt a relationship between a Man and woman of thier age of 50's. Are we taking abt this kind relationships? well .....  i think NO.

i can give you as many articals as you want like this one. wht my meaning of saying "Prove it" was not taking any articals or having disscusstion of two people ....  BUT  was to have a Govt. stats or stats by any Govt. affilated Orgnaisations.

To clear your facts Humtum Ji!!

AGING CHANGES

Menopause is a normal part of a woman's aging process. The ovaries stop releasing eggs (ova), and menstrual periods stop. Most women experience menopause around age 50, although it occurs before age 40 in about 8% of women. Prior to menopause, menstrual cycles often become irregular.

This means Risk in conceving in the first place.
This is western stats.

Let me take ur stars stating Asian females have menopause at about 40 ... that means that females have irregular mens' cycle in their late 30ities ...

very well ...!!

Very well proving what i said ... best age for a woman to have child birth is 24- 26/28. After that its risky.

And mind you ... i'm talking of natural child birth not cesarean.  

and its not just giving birth that is a matter of fact ... giving birth to a life means responsiblities to bring up a healthy child ... and that means naturaly feeding the baby ... and there are much more things related ... i'm sure you know of them all ... you seem to kow more than a man does

This not a trend !! This is just a personal choice of selecting the life partner...this is all about finding a soulmate....!!

Giving the examples of killers and politicians in this reference does nt make any sense...!!

The discussion was not at all about younger men opting for older women.....the discussion was there is nothing wrong if a guy finds his soulmate in an older woman, and vice versa....there is a difference, only if you can understand it !!

There are lots of other "trends" as well..!! both of them can be unmarried, both of them can be in their 20's ...!!

I have....and i have read and know lots other things as well !!  

Its all depends on personal thinking....you can think of men similar to your age, and elder also as your brothers !! Thats what i am saying, its all personal....you may approve or not approve, but it does nt make  right thing a wrong...!!

Thats your "nazaria" but world is much bigger than what your eyes can see, and mind can accept....!! Have you ever seen such a relation somewhere in your personal life - in your neighbourhood, relatives, friends ? I have seen it....as far as "satisfaction of desires" is concerned, that can happen in any relationship !!


I am also fed up of listening to same thing again and again becuase that does nt make any sense to me..whatever you are saying, its all your perspective, not the reality !!

Dont play with words..!! We all know we are here talking about sincere feelings and marraige !!  

There are lots other Indian traditions as well made by our society...do we follow each and everything ?...one thing can be disgusting in your eyes and other thing completely acceptable...!! It can happen with other people as well...what you are thinking as wrong and crazy can be absolutely pure and acceptable for another person...!! Indian society believes in so many traditions, the so-called traditions meant to be for the welfare of individuals.....one "revolt" to such traditions is the "trend" of living-in .. not only abroad (NRIs) but in India also this trend is now more and more common..so that may be wrong in one person's eye but absolutely right to another person...!! Traditions are good, but they should not become so restricting that it starts suffocating ..!!


It may seems to be out of question for you....but it does nt make it wrong........!!


Life is short, in this fast life its really a bliss to find a person whom you can trust with closed eyes, who loves you with same intensity, who respects you..You dont have to play tricks with her/him to get her/him in your life..you dont have to struggle to make her/him accept you in his life........if two people find such soulmates in eachother, AGE can never be a barrier for their marriage !!

This is somthing too idealsistic Talat ... U r wishing that such bliss hasppens ... but the truth is bitter ...!!

what you'v said gives rise to a new issue .... Can we fing someone we can bliendly trust.

Well ... i wish the same as you do ... but, the reality is that ... older woman younger man combo is bound to face all sorts of difficulties ..!!