~.. di nazar jab, na kyun binayee de

by janumanu on September 21, 2010, 04:00:15 AM
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janumanu
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di nazar jab, na kyun binayee de
pani de aankh mai ya kaayee de


ek din usko bhool jana hai
bhoolne ki koe dawai de

choom kar mujhko has ke ye boli
ab na kahna kabhi mithayee de

loot ka maal choo na paauN maiN
haath ko mere wo safayee de

khol kar aankhen sota hun har shab
jaane kab mujhko woh dikhayee de

us bulandi se utar aauN maiN
jaa'N se mujhko na kuch dikahyee de

be-bahar ho jo likhna chaahuN rab
fikr bhooluN kalam na likhayee de

baandh mujhko tu bajuoN mai yuN
maang bhi luN na par rihayee de

humse hoga na kaam wo "fikr"
dil na jis bat ki gavaahi de
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zidd
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«Reply #1 on: September 21, 2010, 04:26:34 AM »
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di nazar jab, na kyun binayee de
pani de aankh mai ya kaayee de


ek din usko bhool jana hai
bhoolne ki koe dawai de

choom kar mujhko has ke ye boli
ab na kahna kabhi mithayee de

loot ka maal choo na paauN maiN
haath ko mere wo safayee de

khol kar aankhen sota hun har shab
jaane kab mujhko woh dikhayee de

us bulandi se utar aauN maiN
jaa'N se mujhko na kuch dikahyee de

be-bahar ho jo likhna chaahuN rab
fikr bhooluN kalam na likhayee de

baandh mujhko tu bajuoN mai yuN
maang bhi luN na par rihayee de

humse hoga na kaam wo "fikr"
dil na jis bat ki gavaahi de

aapka andaaz kafi nirala hai...
har sher ek umda aur thof fikr ka saboot hai .....
shayad log sahi hi kahte ha hai,,,
jaisa naam waisa kaam...

mere ek dost andaz lucnowvi ke dost ke ustaad rashid luvnowi kahte hai ki 'naam ka asar kaam par padta hai...(ya zaat kaha tha..ab yaad nahi kafipuraani baat hai)

aapki beherbandi ki koshish bahut acchi hai.....is lihaaj se 2- 4 ghazalo baad ,mujhe yakeen hai sab perfect ho jayega...

regards
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zidd
Guest
«Reply #2 on: September 21, 2010, 04:27:16 AM »
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aapka andaaz kafi nirala hai...
har sher ek umda aur thos fikr ka saboot hai .....
shayad log sahi hi kahte ha hai,,,
jaisa naam waisa kaam...

mere ek dost andaz lucnowvi ke dost ke ustaad rashid luvnowi kahte hai ki 'naam ka asar kaam par padta hai...(ya zaat kaha tha..ab yaad nahi kafipuraani baat hai)

aapki beherbandi ki koshish bahut acchi hai.....is lihaaj se 2- 4 ghazalo baad ,mujhe yakeen hai sab perfect ho jayega...

regards
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Pooja
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«Reply #3 on: September 21, 2010, 04:35:02 AM »
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wah kaya baat hai.. bahoot khoob likha hai...
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arifuddin
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«Reply #4 on: September 21, 2010, 01:36:45 PM »
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Bade dino baad Yoindia ko Laota tha
Aapke Ashaar padh kar lagraha hai
K yar phir se kuch likhna shuru karu

Aap k sher padh kar Mujhe Bohat kuch he he he Mehsoos huva
 
 icon_thumleft  Maza Aagaya Miya  hello2
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #5 on: September 21, 2010, 09:41:53 PM »
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Vikas Bhai aadaab!

Aapki nayi purasar aur mukammal Gazal dekhkar bahut khushi ho rahi hai..... Aapne us mukhaam ko chune ke liye kadam bada dia hai .... sachi meiN hume bahut achcha lag raha hai... Usual Smile

Chaliye aapki gazal per aate hai...... Winking         



di nazar jab, na kyun binayee de
pani de aankh mai ya kaayee de

Matla achcha hai Bhai.. kafi sidha khayaal hai Daad.. Usual Smile         

ek din usko bhool jana hai
bhoolne ki koe dawai de

Kia baat hai bahut umdaa daad..           

choom kar mujhko has ke ye boli
ab na kahna kabhi mithayee de

H aha hha ha Kia baat hai Bhai... Yeh to humari hi baat huyi... tongue3 achcah sher hai daad         

loot ka maal choo na paauN maiN
haath ko mere wo safayee de

Hmmm .... Bhai Khayaal achcah hai par bada late aaya .... tongue3         

khol kar aankhen sota hun har shab
jaane kab mujhko woh dikhayee de

Waah Bhai waah ..... Kia sher kaha hai ... qayamat hai Bhai bahut umdaa.... Qatel hai waqai .. Usual Smile         

us bulandi se utar aauN maiN
jaa'N se mujhko na kuch dikahyee de

Hmmm.... Kia kah raheN hai Bhai... Sadgi hai aapki jo aap unchai se niche aana chahte hai.. Usual Smile
Achcha sher hai.. Daad         



be-bahar ho jo likhna chaahuN rab
fikr bhooluN kalam na likhayee de

Hmmm Aameen aisa hi ho... Usual Smile
Achcha sher hai Daad, Usual Smile         


baandh mujhko tu bajuoN mai yuN
maang bhi luN na par rihayee de

Kia baat hai bahut khoob... Achcha sher hai... Daad.. Dil ka koi bharosa nahi ... :D           

humse hoga na kaam wo "fikr"
dil na jis bat ki gavaahi de

Waah Bhai bahut Umdaa Maqta sidha aur behad gehra daad.... Par yeH "Fikr" aapne apna takhallus badal liya... Mubarak ho... Usual Smile Aapne sahiN kiya... Usual Smile         


Bhai is khubtar Gazal per dil se daad hazir hai.... Likhate rahiye.....
Aate rahiye...
Khush O aabaad rahiye..... Usual Smile
Khuda Hafez... Usual Smile         

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janumanu
Guest
«Reply #6 on: September 22, 2010, 04:00:12 AM »
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aapka andaaz kafi nirala hai...
har sher ek umda aur thof fikr ka saboot hai .....
shayad log sahi hi kahte ha hai,,,
jaisa naam waisa kaam...

mere ek dost andaz lucnowvi ke dost ke ustaad rashid luvnowi kahte hai ki 'naam ka asar kaam par padta hai...(ya zaat kaha tha..ab yaad nahi kafipuraani baat hai)

aapki beherbandi ki koshish bahut acchi hai.....is lihaaj se 2- 4 ghazalo baad ,mujhe yakeen hai sab perfect ho jayega...

regards


Appki mehrbaani mohabbatpyaar dosti.  inhi sab ka hi nateeja hai bhayee Usual Smile
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janumanu
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«Reply #7 on: September 22, 2010, 04:01:02 AM »
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wah kaya baat hai.. bahoot khoob likha hai...

thanx for ur comment Usual Smile

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janumanu
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«Reply #8 on: September 22, 2010, 04:03:35 AM »
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Vikas Bhai aadaab!

Aapki nayi purasar aur mukammal Gazal dekhkar bahut khushi ho rahi hai..... Aapne us mukhaam ko chune ke liye kadam bada dia hai .... sachi meiN hume bahut achcha lag raha hai... Usual Smile

Chaliye aapki gazal per aate hai...... Winking         



Bhai is khubtar Gazal per dil se daad hazir hai.... Likhate rahiye.....
Aate rahiye...
Khush O aabaad rahiye..... Usual Smile
Khuda Hafez... Usual Smile         



thank u bhayee

mujh akele kaa kaam nahi hai, aap sab ka saath hai Usual Smile
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riyaz106
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«Reply #9 on: September 22, 2010, 05:59:30 AM »
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Janumanu ji aapne ghazal likhne ki achhi koshish ki hai. Sabhi ashaar me koi gahri baat chhupi hui mehsoos hoti hai. Kuchh misre behr me nahi hai lekin ummeed hai mazeed mashq se aage ki ghazalon me ye kami nahi rahegi.
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janumanu
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«Reply #10 on: September 22, 2010, 06:11:23 AM »
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Janumanu ji aapne ghazal likhne ki achhi koshish ki hai. Sabhi ashaar me koi gahri baat chhupi hui mehsoos hoti hai. Kuchh misre behr me nahi hai lekin ummeed hai mazeed mashq se aage ki ghazalon me ye kami nahi rahegi.

Aaapka shukriyaa riyaaz bhayee

aap woh misre aur jaha galti huee hai plzz bata deN ...
aur theek aksie karu ye bhi suggestion de de to badi mehrbaani hogi.... abhi seekhna shuru hi kiyaa hai, umeed hai lo jaldi jadli galtiyaan sudhaar lunga Usual Smile
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janumanu
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«Reply #11 on: September 22, 2010, 10:23:50 AM »
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Bade dino baad Yoindia ko Laota tha
Aapke Ashaar padh kar lagraha hai
K yar phir se kuch likhna shuru karu


bahut shukriyaa sahab, mai yaha bahut naya huN , mere liye aapka ye comment bahut khushi de gaya

Aap k sher padh kar Mujhe Bohat kuch he he he Mehsoos huva
 
 icon_thumleft  Maza Aagaya Miya  hello2
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