Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel ):Ghazals

Sajid_Ghayel

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Ek mash_hoor geet hai " Lag ja gale ke phir yeh hasi raat ho na ho........" bas usi tarz par yeh ghazal pesh_e_khidmat hai.......aap sab ki rai ka muntazir.

Nakamiyo ka ab inam chahiye
Jeena nahi hame ab aaraam chahiye

Mere khato ki unko ab aarzoo nahi
Jo aakhri ho aisa paighaam chahiye

Thi meri khush_mijazi ya imaan ki kami
Waiz yeh bol bhaithe ke jaam chahiye

Din raat ka yeh jeena kis kaam aayega
Marzi ke ho mutabik ek sham chahiye

Yeh aarzoo thi unki ya thi koi saza
Ghayel se koi behtar kalaam chahiye

Sajid Ghayel


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mamta bajpai

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #1 on: June 30, 2010, 12:31:30 AM »

Kya baat hai Ghayal Saheb!Lajawab!!!Sabse badi baat aapki gazal gungunane ka sabse pahle mouqa mujhe hi mila .Kaise tareef karoon samajh nahi pa rahi .Waaaaaah!


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.adeeb

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #2 on: June 30, 2010, 04:35:38 AM »

Sajid ji ye poem apne jis song ki dhun par likhi hai us par bilkul khari nahi utarti. Shayad is tarz me kheench taan kar likha hai. Koi bhi sher ya misr`a beher me nahi hai. Isliye ise gazal nahi kaha ja sakta. Pahle kisi se islah kara liya karen tabhi ghazal section me post karen. Is sher ko ab gunguna kar dekhiye:

Nakamiyo ka ab mujhe in-aam chahiye

Jeena nahi hai ab mujhe aaraam chahiye

shukria.


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tamanna.pt

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #3 on: June 30, 2010, 05:29:43 AM »

Hamesha ki tarah khoobsurat hi likha hai, 4th sher to jaise puri ghazal ki jaan raha, bahut pasand aaya.


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khwahish

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #4 on: June 30, 2010, 07:04:35 AM »

Bahut Bahut Khoob Sajid Bhai..


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nazar ghouri

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #5 on: June 30, 2010, 07:54:33 AM »

wah bahot khoob sajid bhai ...khass kar 4th shair aur maqta'a dil ke bahot qareeb raha hai...wah..waise bhi aap ne jab bhi likha bahot khoob likha..hamari janib se daad qubool kijiye ga....
Janab .Adeeb saheb, tasleemaat.
yeh bahot khushi ki baat hai aap jaise Ahl-e-adab,ba-zauq aur nukta cheen iss bazm main maujood hain..aap isliye bhi laayeq-etareef hain ke aap har kalaam ko(ya phir hosakta hai unn chininda shayerao'n ke kalaam ko jinhe aap shayer samajhte hain) badi bareek beeni se padhte hain.un shu'ra ke kalaam main hone wali galtiyaon ko paish karte hain..yeh bahot hi badha kaam hai,ek to waqt dena, dosra justajo se padhana..iss kaam ke liye aap mubark baad ke mustahiq hain.ek shikayat jo aap se meri hai bus yehi hai ke aap guest i d se kyun mukhatib hain,?isi bazm main meine ustaad-e-muhtaram janab Waqif ansari saheb jaise ahl-e-ilm o zauq shaqsiyat ko munfirid andaz ke maalik shayer jo mere bahot hi achhe dost hain "janab Abdul Qadeer toopchi saaheb ki ek taqleeq pe tanqeed o bahes karte dekha.un dono hazraat ke darmiyaan sawaal jawaab ka silsila chalta raha aur baat ek natije par aake khatam hogai.iss baat ka zikar iss liye laazim hogaya tha ke ustaad-e-muhtaram janab waqib Ansari saheb ne tanqeed apni shinakht ko chhupakar nahi ki thi,aur na hi dost mohtaram janab A.Qadeer saheb ne bura maan kar jawaabi waar kiya tha,bade hi muhazib andaaz main masle par guftagu hoi aur silsila ekhtetaam ko pahuncha..iss ke liye aap qadeer saheb ki post dekhsakte hain.
aap apni shinakht ko zahir kijiye aur behatar rahega ke apna contact number aur e mail id bhi mention karein ,iss se yeh hoga ke hum jaise kam ilm hazrat ki risai aap jaise hazraat tak aasani ke saath hogi.meine aap ko mohtarama mamta saheba ki ek ghazal ko islah karte hoe dekha hai..bahot hi behatr aur umda andaz main aap ne islah ki hai...mubarak..agar aap ki shinakht hojae to hum jaise shur'a yahan aapni likhi hoi ghazal (yahaan aate hi nazm ya phir ek lines bankar rehjati hai)post karne se pehle aap se ilah kar wa sakte hain ..lekin aap tanqeed bhi karte hain aur chhupe rahenge iss se to sirf yahi hoga aap mutmain hojenge lekin taqleeqkaar tashna reh jaega.aap ko lagta hai ke aap haq baat kar rahe hain to phir khud ko zaahir karne se kyun gurez kar rahe hain,baat dil-o-zahen pe giraan hai.
Meri ek aur aap se adban guzarish hai,kisi din waqt apko ijazat de to shayeri ke bunyadi pehlaon pe ek post zaror karein ,iss se mere jaise kam ilm shor'a ko jila milegi ,aur mashq karte rahenge to kuch na kuch likhne ke laayeq hojaenge .aap ka mukhlis

nazar ghouri.


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qadeer_junaid

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #6 on: June 30, 2010, 08:26:40 AM »

Quote from: nazar ghouri on June 30, 2010, 07:54:33 AM

achi khawish hai nazar saheb , mai itefaq dikhata hon ,, baath jahan osol aur qawaid sikhane ki ho rahi hai to shaqsiyath ka ayan hona lazim warna rujo karne me dushwariyan hosakti hain , mere qabeel dost janab adeeb saheb wallah ap qidmat a qalq kar rahe ho mere bhai ,, ap khud ko zahir karen wallah bazm ke liye sodh mand sabit hogi apki shaqsiyath , aage apki apne zaati majboriyan ya wajowat hon to baath alag hai ..

allah ne apko kamal ka hafiza diya shayad issi liye ke app dusron ke ilm me izafa kar sako ,, apse eak adban guzarish hai ke islaah ya fir tanqeed uss lehja me ho ke apni baath bhi qatam ho jaye aur kissi ki dil azari bhi na ho , Eak shayar saheb jaise ilm dano se allah talib ilm ko mahefoz rakhe .. Mamta saheba ko di gayi apki tajwazen waqai sikhne walon ke liye nafe ka samaan hain ....Meri koi baath apke zahen nazuk ko giran guzri ho to uske liye mazrath khaw hon ..allah sub ko khush rakhe ....

Note : is silsile me Mahutram Janab Waquif sahib se meri baath ho chuki hain , meri darqaust pe mahutram ne khuch waqath dene ka wada kiya hai , ap nek niyati se is nek kaam ki shurwat Karen aage mazeed waqif sahib har mumkin madath ke liye taiyar hain , chunke ziyada waqath dene unke liye mushkil hai digar unki apni khuch zaati masrofiyaton ne gher rakha hai ,, Waquif sahib ke ilm se khuch tajwazen me muyassar hon ye kaafi hai ,, baaqi allah ne apko bhi qoob sifaton se nawaza hai to sambhal hi lenge ..wallah adeeb sahib ye bus eak rai hai baaqi faisla apka apna hoga ..

duwa go o qair andesh

Qadeertoopchi


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KOYAL46

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #7 on: June 30, 2010, 10:19:08 AM »

Sajid Ghayelji achhi lagi aapki ye poetry......
Applause

Gazal ki baarikhiyon ka mujhe itna gyan nahi hai...
Mai tou kewal Shabdo aur Bhavon ki pujaaran hu...

AAPKI AAKHRI DO LINE PADHKAR N JAANE KYU MUJHE YE GEET YAAD HO AAYA AUR MAI APNE AAP KO ROK NAHI PAYEE AUR EK PERODI LIKH GAYEE.....
Ise bahut light mood me ligiyega.....
Aapke kalaam se iska koi lena dena nahi hai.....
Bas yu he.....

Tu pal do pal kaa shaayar hai, pal do pal teree kahaanee hain
pal do pal teree hastee hai, pal do pal mai hamaari rawanee hain

tuz se pahale kitane shaayar, aaye aaur aakar chale gaye
kuchh aahe bhar kar laut gaye, kuchh nagmei gaa kar chale gaye
wo bhee yek pal kaa kissaa the, tu bhee yek pal kaa kissaa hai
kal tum humse judaa ho jaaoonge, Jo aaj Humhaaraa hissaa hoo

kal aaur aayenge, nagmon kee khilatee kaliyaa chunanewaale
Tuz se behatar kahanewaale, Hum se behatar sunanewaale
kal koee Tuz ko yaad karega, kyo koee Hum ko yaad karega
masaruf jamaanaa hum sab k liye, kyo wakt apanaa barabaad karega

Hum pal do pal k saathee hain, n-jaane kab bichhad jaayenge
Nahi jaanti kaun hume yaad karega,aur,kisko hum yaad aayenge


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MANOJ6568

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #8 on: July 02, 2010, 04:49:59 AM »

KHUB

Quote from: Sajid_Ghayel on June 29, 2010, 10:44:00 PM

Ek mash_hoor geet hai " Lag ja gale ke phir yeh hasi raat ho na ho........" bas usi tarz par yeh ghazal pesh_e_khidmat hai.......aap sab ki rai ka muntazir.


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waquif ansari

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #9 on: July 07, 2010, 09:53:18 AM »

Sajid Ghayal Saheb! AOA!

Aap ki ghazal ko paRhne ka mauqa mila aur is ghazal pe Janab .Adeeb Saheb ki aara dekhne ka bhi sharaf haasil hua. Iske ilaawah Janab Nazar Ghauri Saheb ke nuqta-e-nigaah se ru-ba-ru hua aur saath hi saath Janab Qadeer Junaid Saheb ke irshadaat se bhi waquif hua. Tamaam baton ko madd-e-nazar rakhte hue khaaksaar is nateeje pe pahuNcha hai k ghazal meiN kisi bhi tarah ki tanqeed se ghabraana nahiN chaahiye. Ye silsila bahut purana hai, haaN magar tanqeed be-maana aur tazheek par mabni nahiN honi chaahiye. Meri samajh se yahaN koi kisi ki tazheek nahiN kar raha hai. Ab jaise .Adeeb Saheb ne bahr se mutalliq jo kuchh arz kiya use apni mukhalifat na samajhte hue uska welcome karma chaahiye aur agar bahr ki ghalati ho gayee hai to use jaan lena hi behtar hai, wo is liye k ghazal ki bunyaadi baton meiN ghazal ka bahr meiN hona bahut zaroori hai baad meiN baat zabaan-o-bayaan ki hoti hai. Aap sabhi muhibbaan-e-ghazal se yahi darkhwaast hai k aap ghazal ko ghazal ke format meiN rakhkar hi yahaN post kareiN. Is se ye hoga k aap bahut saari ghair zaroori baaton se bach jaayeNge. Jahan tak bahr ka sawaal hai, aap iska ilm apne shahr/muhalle ke kisi achchhe shayar se le sakte haiN yaa phir bahr seekhaane waali kitaabeiN dastiyaab haiN jaise Funn-e-Shaayari waghairah. Ghazal kahne ke baad uski islaah agar ho jaaye to shuruaati daur meiN hi aapko shaayari ke bahut saare ramooz-o-nukaat se waqfiyat ho jaayegi. Urdu shaayari meiN ustaad aur shaagird ka aik bahut hi qadeem silsila hai aur isi wajh se aaj Urdu shaayari ka jo bhi mukaam hai un meiN Urdu shaayari ke ustaadoN ki khidmaat ko khaarij nahiN kiya ja sakta. Kuchh paane ke liye kuchh khona paRta hai, jahan chaah hai wahiN raah hai, maqsad ye hai ke bila jhijhak adna ho ya aala, agar wo kaam ka hai to phir us se seekhne meiN buraayee nahiN hai. Aik khaas baat aur kahna chaahta hooN wo yeh ki aik sachche shaayir ki ye khoobi hua karti hai k wo tanqeed ka bura nahiN manta agar tanqeed waqai tanqeed hai aur agar shaayir se kahiN koi ghalati ya kotaahi sarzad ho hi gayee hai to phir point out karne waale ka who shukrguzaar hota hai. Labbo-labaab ye hai k baamaane-tanqeed ka bura na maante hue agar koi ghalati ho gayee hai to us ghalati ko sudhaarna hi sachchi shaayari ki pahchaan hai. DuaoN meiN yaad rakhiye.

(Waquif Ansari)

Quote from: Sajid_Ghayel on June 29, 2010, 10:44:00 PM

Ek mash_hoor geet hai " Lag ja gale ke phir yeh hasi raat ho na ho........" bas usi tarz par yeh ghazal pesh_e_khidmat hai.......aap sab ki rai ka muntazir.


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Sajid_Ghayel

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #10 on: October 24, 2010, 09:14:11 AM »

Quote from: mamta bajpai on June 30, 2010, 12:31:30 AM

Kya baat hai Ghayal Saheb!Lajawab!!!Sabse badi baat aapki gazal gungunane ka sabse pahle mouqa mujhe hi mila .Kaise tareef karoon samajh nahi pa rahi .Waaaaaah!

Aapne mere kalaam ko padha isey apna waqt diya kya yeh koi kam badi baat hai mere liye Mamta jee......aapki pasand ke kabil likh paya mujhe is baat ki khushi hai.


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*KasaK*....Dil Ki

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Re: Ek shaam chahiye........( Ghayel )

«Reply #11 on: October 24, 2010, 09:26:37 AM »

uffffffffffffff...........sajid ji kya baat hai..ek jagah sari mashhoor hastiyon ko pahoncha diya aapne...
gazal to mujhe behad haseen lagi hi lekin ye dkeh kar zyada khushi hui k sare bade bade shayar yahan maujood hain apne superb comments and compliments k sath...

log aapko padhna kis kadar pasnad kartte hain yehi dikhta hai yahan....wakai aapki lekhni me ek kshish hoti hai jo khinche le aati hai......
superb ji.......sabne 4th sher pasnd kiya par mujhe to ye sab padhkar best aapka last sher laga...sajid ji isse bhi behtar behtar aapse bht sare kalaam chhaiye ab aap chahe ise saza maane ya darkhwast......


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