khwab zamaney aaye......ghazal

by sana Afroz on November 14, 2014, 04:31:54 PM
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sana Afroz
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Meri yadon Mein kuch ahbaab puraney aaye,
mujhse milney mere kuch khwab zamaney aaye.

sochne baithi to kitne meri nigahon mein,
tujhse milney ke jo kartey the bahaney aaye.

shayri mujhko sikhaii mere ghamkhwaron nein,
khaas mauqon pe mujhe khaas rulaaney aaye.

ab bhi asbab banate hain meri pasti ke,
mere dushman mujhe duniya se mitaney aaye.

mujhko malom hai duniya Ki samajh rakhti hoon,
kitney mere liye aur kitney dikhaney aaye.
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surindarn
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«Reply #1 on: November 14, 2014, 09:18:20 PM »
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waah bahut khoob. icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower
 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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sksaini4
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«Reply #2 on: November 15, 2014, 01:04:51 AM »
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waah waah waah
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mann.mann
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«Reply #3 on: November 15, 2014, 05:40:19 AM »
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bahut bahut khub sanaji..... sath main ek rau.....

 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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Mohammad Touhid
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«Reply #4 on: November 15, 2014, 05:53:58 PM »
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waaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaah kya baat hai sana ji. bahut bahut aur bahut khooooooob.. Usual Smile

Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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qadeer_junaid
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«Reply #5 on: November 16, 2014, 07:34:40 AM »
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Mahutrama Sana sahibah ...aadab ,,


ghazal bahut acha hai mujhe pasand aaee ..bus doosre sher ka pahla misra dekh len lafz zahn parishan kar raha hai ......uska sahi wazn fel hai 21 ...baaqi ghazal achi hai ....allah kare zoore qalam aur ziyadah ..


dua go

qadeertoopchi
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«Reply #6 on: November 17, 2014, 07:42:05 AM »
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Quote from: sana Afroz on November 14, 2014, 04:31:54 PM
Meri yadon Mein kuch ahbaab puraney aaye,
mujhse milney mere kuch khwab zamaney aaye.

sochne baithi to kitne meri nigahon mein,
tujhse milney ke jo kartey the bahaney aaye.

shayri mujhko sikhaii mere ghamkhwaron nein,
khaas mauqon pe mujhe khaas rulaaney aaye.

ab bhi asbab banate hain meri pasti ke,
mere dushman mujhe duniya se mitaney aaye.

mujhko malom hai duniya Ki samajh rakhti hoon,
kitney mere liye aur kitney dikhaney aaye.

Mohtarma sana Afroz sahiba! salam

Ghazal shandaar hay .. bharpoor dad qabool kejay...

mohtaram qadeertoopchi sahab ne ghazal dekh he li hay... hum in k ilm k qaail hen.. anhon ne zaroor asatiza ki mehfil dekh rakhi hay...

aap ne misra durust kernay ki koshish ki hay, lekin ab misra wazan men nahi raha.. yaani, agar "nigahon" ko "neeegaahoN" parha jayay tu wazan poora ho ga...

misra ko kai tarah se kaha jaa sakta hay... jesay

sochne baithi hun tu zehn men meray, kitnay
tujhse milney ke jo kartey the bahaney aaye

tajveez kerda misra men lafz "kitnay" alag sa ho gaya hay.. ilm-e-arooz men isay, "taaqeed-e-lafzi" kehtay hen.. so behter soorat tu aap he dekh sakti hen..

ya phir

sochne baithi to kitne he meri aankhon mein,
tujhse milney ke jo kartey the bahaney aaye.

ya phir

sochne baithi to kitne he meri yaadon mein,
tujhse milney ke jo kartey the bahaney aaye.

waghera...

aap hum say kahin behter shayara hen so aap behter soch sakti hen..

dua-go
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SURESH SANGWAN
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«Reply #7 on: November 17, 2014, 09:18:24 AM »
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 icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower
bahut khooob sana ji
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qadeer_junaid
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«Reply #8 on: November 17, 2014, 12:49:01 PM »
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Quote from: vb on November 17, 2014, 07:42:05 AM
Mohtarma sana Afroz sahiba! salam

Ghazal shandaar hay .. bharpoor dad qabool kejay...

mohtaram qadeertoopchi sahab ne ghazal dekh he li hay... hum in k ilm k qaail hen.. anhon ne zaroor asatiza ki mehfil dekh rakhi hay...

aap ne misra durust kernay ki koshish ki hay, lekin ab misra wazan men nahi raha.. yaani, agar "nigahon" ko "neeegaahoN" parha jayay tu wazan poora ho ga...

misra ko kai tarah se kaha jaa sakta hay... jesay

sochne baithi hun tu zehn men meray, kitnay
tujhse milney ke jo kartey the bahaney aaye

tajveez kerda misra men lafz "kitnay" alag sa ho gaya hay.. ilm-e-arooz men isay, "taaqeed-e-lafzi" kehtay hen.. so behter soorat tu aap he dekh sakti hen..

ya phir

sochne baithi to kitne he meri aankhon mein,
tujhse milney ke jo kartey the bahaney aaye.

ya phir

sochne baithi to kitne he meri yaadon mein,
tujhse milney ke jo kartey the bahaney aaye.

waghera...

aap hum say kahin behter shayara hen so aap behter soch sakti hen..

dua-go

Mahutram ul maqam janab VB sahab aadab ,,

koi bazm haat nahi aaee balke is khaaksaar ne khud FB per ek tarheek chalaee hai ADAB KI ADALAT ke naam se ...jisme bare sagheer ke naam waar shaura hazraat o arooz daan maujood hain .. badqismati se us group ka bani ye banda e haqeer o faqeer hi hai ...is baat se bhi gurez nahi ke tamam tar taareefen khaliq -e - kamal ke liye hai sahebe kamal ke liye nahi ....ye batate hue afsoos hota hai ke us group ki hayat pichle 2 mahine se qatre me aa gaaee hai ...mai apni zaati masrofiyat ke sabab waqt nahi de pata hun ...kya hi acha ho agar aap usko waqt de saken to mujhe khushi hogi ke mai us group ko aapke rahm o karam per choor don....aur mujhe umid hai ke aap usko hayat e javedan ata karne me kamyaab rahenge ....

Khair andesh

Qadeertoopchi
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vb
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«Reply #9 on: November 17, 2014, 02:10:57 PM »
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Quote from: qadeer_junaid on November 17, 2014, 12:49:01 PM
Mahutram ul maqam janab VB sahab aadab ,,

koi bazm haat nahi aaee balke is khaaksaar ne khud FB per ek tarheek chalaee hai ADAB KI ADALAT ke naam se ...jisme bare sagheer ke naam waar shaura hazraat o arooz daan maujood hain .. badqismati se us group ka bani ye banda e haqeer o faqeer hi hai ...is baat se bhi gurez nahi ke tamam tar taareefen khaliq -e - kamal ke liye hai sahebe kamal ke liye nahi ....ye batate hue afsoos hota hai ke us group ki hayat pichle 2 mahine se qatre me aa gaaee hai ...mai apni zaati masrofiyat ke sabab waqt nahi de pata hun ...kya hi acha ho agar aap usko waqt de saken to mujhe khushi hogi ke mai us group ko aapke rahm o karam per choor don....aur mujhe umid hai ke aap usko hayat e javedan ata karne me kamyaab rahenge ....

Khair andesh

Qadeertoopchi



Mohtaram janab Qadeertoopchi sahab! salam masnoon

aap k shukerguzaar hen k is naa-cheez ko is laiq samjha, lekin ye such hay k hum is laiq nahi hen... ek tu maamooli se shagird hen aur phir sher ki dunia se bhe wesay he kooch ker chukay hen... teer he konsa maar lia tha...

FB per vb jee ka koi wajood nahi hay... so ye ho na sakay ga.. lekin aap ka khaloos aur is naa-cheez ki izzat-afzaai per ek baar phir shukria...

dua-go
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sana Afroz
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«Reply #10 on: November 21, 2014, 01:29:02 PM »
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Janab vb shb aur janab qadeer shb k nadir mashwaron se mustafeed ho kar apne kalaam ko aur behtar banane Ki koshish karti hoon ...
shukriya. Aap donon Hazrat ka ...
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