Man Farda, Man Maazi.....V!PuL YaaRa

by vipul kumar on April 12, 2011, 11:05:57 AM
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vipul kumar
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Here is my First Persian/Farsi kalaam..
Expert comments needed.
please give some of your valuable time....

Na man taalib mandar Masjid, Na man Zoya qaazi...
Man yak qaail moula moula, ja ka naam Daraazi....

Na man aabid makka kaashi, na man paak nimaazi,
Man yak saajid Ishqam Naadir, man yak Yaar Niyaazi...

Na man garza.n dua wa daaru, Haazat chaarasaazi,
Man ra daaru karda.n naai bajuz yak Dam_Saazi....

Na man haajat getii Ishrat, Man na maang faiyaazi....
Man yak aashiq chashm-e surma Naazak jism Gudaazi....

Yak dil Faa'ez sad go Maglub, Baazi Ishqam Baazi,
Go Shud Raazi Aalam Raazi, Shud raazi man raazi.....

Na Man kaamil na man Ghalib, na man harf ejaazi,
Ghalam wa kaaghaz man ri YaaRa, Man Farda man maazi.....!!
Man Farda Man Maazi.......................................


Translation___

I am not a seeker of the temples and mosques Nor i am a searcher of a 'qaazi',
I am just the Fan of God, Whose name is the greatest one......

I am not a worshipper of Makka or Kaashi, Nor i am a Pure 'Namaazi',
I am just a worshipper of the 'Precious Love' and a Desirer of my Lover....

I dont need any Medicine or Prayers, nor any treatment,
My Treatment is nothing other than only Friendship{LOve}.....

I dont want the luxuries of the world, nor i need Benifits...
I am just a lover of the black eyes and the soft body........

One Heart is victorious here while hundreds are defeated, its Love game,
if you accept me then the whole world is accepted, You are happy, I am haapy....
{First 2 'raazi' means accepting anyone, while other means Happy.}

Neither i am complete, nor i am great nay a wonder Word,
{Ghalam=Kalam(Pen)}
My pen and my paper are the Future and the Past........!!
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Pooja
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«Reply #1 on: April 14, 2011, 03:37:59 AM »
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nice one
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vb
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«Reply #2 on: May 17, 2011, 10:07:36 AM »
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hmmm..!

hum expert comments kya den gay... k faarsi say khud naa-bald hain...

khayaal buhat khoob hain... lakin farsi he main bakol Hafiz Sheerazi sahab...

Na har soorat bar'afrokht dilbari daanad
Na har kay aainaa saazad, Sikandari daanad
Hazaar nuqta-e-baareek tar zamoo een jaa hast
Na har k sar ba taraashad, Qalandari daanad

so jismon ki baat kya karni.. khair..

hum baaki sher chhortay hain.. as comments kuchh likhnay k liyay hum ghazal fifth sher ko letay hain....

hamaaray khayal main isay kuchh yun hona chahiyay... mumkin hay aap ne sahi likha ho.. n hum ghalat hon..

Yak dil faa'iz so maghloob, Baazi ishqam Baazi
gar tu raazi, aalam raazi, tu raazi mann raazi

word 'sad' = 100 ko hum ne sirf is liyay 'so' likha hay k hamen confirm nahi.. k 'sad' arabic hay ya farsi.. word 'go' k meanings farsi main 'bolna' kay bhe hain.. aur 'agarche' k bhe.. donon surat main hamen munaasib nahi laga..

aap kay hindi/urdu kalaam parhay hum ne pehlay bhe.. buhat khoob likhtay hian.. n ye bhe buhat khoob hay... un chand members main say hain aap jinhen sher ka wazan / beher ka kuchh ilm hay..

likhtay rahiyay.. aur agar kuchh bura laga.. tu maaf kejay ga..

ba'qalam-e-khud
vb
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vipul kumar
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«Reply #3 on: May 18, 2011, 07:07:21 AM »
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Bahut bahut shukriya vb sahab....
Jaisa ki maine kaha ye mera pahla farsi kalaam hai, aur main Farsi siikh hi raha hu. To aapke sujhaav mere bahut kaam aayenge..
Aur ye baat bura lagne ki nahi, khush hone ki hai ki aapne mujhe itna waqt diya....
Jahan tak us sher ki baat hai tyo shayad aapki baat sahi hai. 'sad' Ka maamla itna bada nahi hai(as arabic is accepted in Persian) Par aapne jo 'Go' ki bat ki us par maine socha aur kaafi dhundne ke baad uska koi mukammal maani nahi mila mere hi sher ke hisaab se...
To shaayad use usi tarah se tabdeel kar dena chahiye jaise aapne kaha...
Par ab mujhe usme 'Maghlob' ki jagah koi aur lafz chahiye hoga, jiski bahr 'Maghloob' se ek jyada ho... Jaise, Maghloobi(It is not a proper word, i am just discussing about bahr)
Like__

Yak dil Faa'ez so Maghloobi, Baazi Ishqam Baazi...
Go shud Razi aalam Raazi, Man Raazi, Shud Raazi.......

Waise, main samajh nahi paya ki aapne dusre misre me change kyo kiya...
Is par bhi roshni daale to behtar hoga.
All in all, Aapka sujhav mere aur meri ghazal ke liye bahut Faydemand thahra hai....
Shukriya..
Aate rahiye.....
Khush rahiye..
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vipul kumar
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«Reply #4 on: May 18, 2011, 07:10:03 AM »
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Bahut bahut shukriya vb sahab....
Jaisa ki maine kaha ye mera pahla farsi kalaam hai, aur main Farsi siikh hi raha hu. To aapke sujhaav mere bahut kaam aayenge..
Aur ye baat bura lagne ki nahi, khush hone ki hai ki aapne mujhe itna waqt diya....
Jahan tak us sher ki baat hai tyo shayad aapki baat sahi hai. 'sad' Ka maamla itna bada nahi hai(as arabic is accepted in Persian) Par aapne jo 'Go' ki bat ki us par maine socha aur kaafi dhundne ke baad uska koi mukammal maani nahi mila mere hi sher ke hisaab se...
To shaayad use usi tarah se tabdeel kar dena chahiye jaise aapne kaha...
Par ab mujhe usme 'Maghlob' ki jagah koi aur lafz chahiye hoga, jiski bahr 'Maghloob' se ek jyada ho... Jaise, Maghloobi(It is not a proper word, i am just discussing about bahr)
Like__

Yak dil Faa'ez so Maghloobi, Baazi Ishqam Baazi...
Go shud Razi aalam Raazi, Man Raazi, Shud Raazi.......

Waise, main samajh nahi paya ki aapne dusre misre me change kyo kiya...
Is par bhi roshni daale to behtar hoga.
All in all, Aapka sujhav mere aur meri ghazal ke liye bahut Faydemand thahra hai....
Shukriya..
Aate rahiye.....
Khush rahiye..
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vb
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«Reply #5 on: May 18, 2011, 09:40:07 AM »
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vipul kumar jee hum ne tu farsi ko seekhna tak kabhi shuru na kiya is ki kya shudh-budh ho gi hamen... kuchh seekhna he chahtay hain aap say...

sahi farmaaya aap ne.. hamaaray ilm k mutaabik bhe.. lafz 'Maghloob' say ake harf zyada chahiyay ho ga.. wo bhe neechay ko dhalakta huva.. jaisa aap ne misaal k taur par pesh kiya... hum ne tajzia kartay waqt zehen main rakha k aap aur hum choon-kay faarsi ka buhat zyada ilm nahi rakhtay is liyay is misra'a main 'sakta' kuch kaam karta hay... aur kaam chal jaata hay.. wagarna daqeeq nigaahi say kaam liya jaayay.. tu ake jaga 'chashm-e-surma' istemaal huva hay.. jo k hamaaray khayaal say durust nahi.. 'surma-e-chashm' munasib tha.. k maqsad 'surmay ki aankh' nahi...

doosray misray main tabdeeli faqat is liyay ki.. k aap ne zuban-e-farang main jo tarjuma shaaya kiya.. us main 'if' istemaal kiya hay.. hamen munasib laga k 'gar' lafz-e-farsi hay.. aur shayad wo durust maloom hota hay.. 'shud' ka maamla kuchh yoon huva.. k hum iqraar kartay hain k is k sahi maeni say hum na-balad hain.. jaisa aap ne isay likha 'shud' .. hamaari fehem ne itna kaam kiya k ye wohi 'shud' hay jo 'khatam shud' main hota hay.. agar ye 'shood' ka talafuz rakhta hay.. tu hamen is misra ki beher main kaanta sa dikhai deta hay..

aap ne jaisa k 'go shud' likha tu hamen nahi lagta k zuban-e-farang main isay 'if you' k ma'aani main liya jaa sakta hay..

ba-qalam-e-khud
vb
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«Reply #6 on: May 18, 2011, 09:53:38 AM »
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Quote from: vipul kumar on April 12, 2011, 11:05:57 AM
Here is my First Persian/Farsi kalaam..
Expert comments needed.
please give some of your valuable time....

Na man taalib mandar Masjid, Na man Zoya qaazi...
Man yak qaail moula moula, ja ka naam Daraazi....

Na man aabid makka kaashi, na man paak nimaazi,
Man yak saajid Ishqam Naadir, man yak Yaar Niyaazi...

Na man garza.n dua wa daaru, Haazat chaarasaazi,
Man ra daaru karda.n naai bajuz yak Dam_Saazi....

Na man haajat getii Ishrat, Man na maang faiyaazi....
Man yak aashiq chashm-e surma Naazak jism Gudaazi....

Yak dil Faa'ez sad go Maglub, Baazi Ishqam Baazi,
Go Shud Raazi Aalam Raazi, Shud raazi man raazi.....

Na Man kaamil na man Ghalib, na man harf ejaazi,
Ghalam wa kaaghaz man ri YaaRa, Man Farda man maazi.....!!
Man Farda Man Maazi.......................................


Translation___

I am not a seeker of the temples and mosques Nor i am a searcher of a 'qaazi',
I am just the Fan of God, Whose name is the greatest one......

I am not a worshipper of Makka or Kaashi, Nor i am a Pure 'Namaazi',
I am just a worshipper of the 'Precious Love' and a Desirer of my Lover....

I dont need any Medicine or Prayers, nor any treatment,
My Treatment is nothing other than only Friendship{LOve}.....

I dont want the luxuries of the world, nor i need Benifits...
I am just a lover of the black eyes and the soft body........

One Heart is victorious here while hundreds are defeated, its Love game,
if you accept me then the whole world is accepted, You are happy, I am haapy....
{First 2 'raazi' means accepting anyone, while other means Happy.}

Neither i am complete, nor i am great nay a wonder Word,
{Ghalam=Kalam(Pen)}
My pen and my paper are the Future and the Past........!!


ho jaati hai ek khanjar se zakhmi urdu meri,
 wo bhala kya kare gi moqabla shamsheer ka Embarrased Embarrased Embarrased Embarrased Embarrased Embarrased
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vb
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«Reply #7 on: May 18, 2011, 10:04:44 AM »
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na khula hum say ye urdu ka dabistaan tu kya?
shaairi vb! kham-e-zulf-e-mehvishaan tu nahi
(NM)
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adil bechain
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«Reply #8 on: May 18, 2011, 10:07:58 AM »
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Quote from: vb on May 18, 2011, 10:04:44 AM
na khula hum say ye urdu ka dabistaan tu kya?
shaairi vb! kham-e-zulf-e-mehvishaan tu nahi
(NM)


 itni samjh hoti to main bhi jawaab deta,
 hoti gar paas taabeeer to ek khawaab deta Embarrased Embarrased Embarrased Embarrased Embarrased
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vipul kumar
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«Reply #9 on: May 21, 2011, 07:53:52 AM »
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Fir se ek baar Bahut bahut shukriya vb sahab waqt dene ke liye.
Maafi chahunga ki kaafi waqt laga jawaab dene me. B.Tech. Internal exams chal rahe hai to Jiist thodi masrufiyat me aa gayi hai.
Dusre misre me to Tabdili munasib nahi hogi kyonki ye bahr aur Farsi ki rangat dono ke hisaab se sahi lag raha hai. shayad 'go' ka mani 'if' hi hota hai. Ye to sirf wahi bata raha hu jo mere adne dimaag ko pata hai. Aap chaahe to ham is baat ko bhi fir se chhed sakte hai.
par filhaal Pahle misre me jarur Tabdili ki jarurat hai. Main iske liye sahi bahr aur Munasib lafz dhundhne ki koshish karunga. Aapko bhi agar koi bahut munasib lafz ya misra sujhane ki ichha ho to apka bahut bahut swaagat hai uske liye....
Ye baate.n aur tabdiiliya.n mere ilm ke liye faaydemand saabit hogi.
Fir se shukriya.
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vipul kumar
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«Reply #10 on: May 21, 2011, 07:59:28 AM »
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@Adil Sahab.

Bahut bahut shukriya ki aapne kam se kam ise padhne ki jzehmat to ki. ummid hai kuchh pasand bhi aayi hogi. Aur Faarsi ke maamle me to ham bahut la_ilm hai. Abhi to Farsi me pair hi nahi rakha. Bahut kuchh siikhna baki hai. Kaafi din se masrufiyat ki wajah se kuchh naya farsi me padh ya likh nahi paaya to ilm me ijaafa kaha se ho...
Jald hi kuchh siikhkar naya likhne ki koshish karunga..
Waise, aaj kal to English par zor hai, usme likhne ki koshish ki ja rahi hai.
Zubaan to kaafi achhi hai par mujhe lagta hai english ka literature urdu farsi ke muqabile bahut kamzor hai.
Insha_allah usme bhi agar kuchh ehssaso.n ki rangat la paya to shayad kuchh achha likh pau.n.....
Fir Farsi par bhi aur dhyan dunga.
Shukriya bhai. shaad-o-aabad rahe.n...........
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madhuwesh
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«Reply #11 on: May 21, 2011, 08:08:18 AM »
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Wow Vipul ji  itni achi soch,bahut hi baddiya.great creatio,aap toh mere dil ki baat kahe diya.Vb ji,Adil ji,aap dono ne bahut acha saath diya. Hats off to you! icon_thumleft Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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vb
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«Reply #12 on: May 28, 2011, 08:50:05 AM »
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vipul kumar jee! maafi chahtay hain.. hum pehlay he bayaan kar chukay kay hum farsi say tu kya...shaairi tak ka koi ilm nahi rakhtay... maqsad kisi soorat aap ki tas'heeh karna nahi tha.. aap ne jo likha theek he likha ho ga.. yahan say guzray tu dakhal-andaazi kar gayay.. aisay he jaisay raah chalta koi shakhs kisi par.. awaaz lagaata hay.. jis par maafi chahtay hain aap say...

hamen shaairi ka kuchh ilm nahi... aisa samajh lejay jaisay kisi ugly-faced larki ka koi dil rakhnay kay liyay ya us ka mazaaq uranay k liyay usay kisi beauty-contest main khara kar day.. phir jo us larki ka haal stage par hota hay.. waisa he kuchh haal hamaraa samajh lejay...

hum ne shuru main Hafiz Shirazi sahab ka qata'a likha... maqsad us waqt sirf us ka pehla misra aap kay liyay refer karna tha.. lakin ab baaki kay teenon misray hum par pooray hotay dikhaai detay hain.. agar Hafiz sahab hamaray liyay likhtay tu shayad.. ye misra bhe likhtay...

....... na har k mehfil-bar aayad, shaairi danad

khair.. jaatay hain maazerat kay saath
khush rahiyay..

az-qalam-e-khud
vb

http://www.yoindia.com/shayariadab/miscellaneous-shayri/kabhi-laut-nahi-aaun-ga-nm-t64186.0.html
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vipul kumar
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«Reply #13 on: June 01, 2011, 09:06:19 AM »
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Quote from: vb on May 28, 2011, 08:50:05 AM
vipul kumar jee! maafi chahtay hain.. hum pehlay he bayaan kar chukay kay hum farsi say tu kya...shaairi tak ka koi ilm nahi rakhtay... maqsad kisi soorat aap ki tas'heeh karna nahi tha.. aap ne jo likha theek he likha ho ga.. yahan say guzray tu dakhal-andaazi kar gayay.. aisay he jaisay raah chalta koi shakhs kisi par.. awaaz lagaata hay.. jis par maafi chahtay hain aap say...

hamen shaairi ka kuchh ilm nahi... aisa samajh lejay jaisay kisi ugly-faced larki ka koi dil rakhnay kay liyay ya us ka mazaaq uranay k liyay usay kisi beauty-contest main khara kar day.. phir jo us larki ka haal stage par hota hay.. waisa he kuchh haal hamaraa samajh lejay...

hum ne shuru main Hafiz Shirazi sahab ka qata'a likha... maqsad us waqt sirf us ka pehla misra aap kay liyay refer karna tha.. lakin ab baaki kay teenon misray hum par pooray hotay dikhaai detay hain.. agar Hafiz sahab hamaray liyay likhtay tu shayad.. ye misra bhe likhtay...

....... na har k mehfil-bar aayad, shaairi danad

khair.. jaatay hain maazerat kay saath
khush rahiyay..

az-qalam-e-khud
vb

http://www.yoindia.com/shayariadab/miscellaneous-shayri/kabhi-laut-nahi-aaun-ga-nm-t64186.0.html



Vb Ji, Mujhe aapka majmoo.n kuchh khaas samajh nahi aaya. kya aap kisi baat se naraz hai.n...
Agar meri koi baat buri lagi ho to maafi chahunga.
Is adne dimaag se koi galti ho gayi hogi. Maaf kare.n.....
Waise, agar naraz bhi hai to narazgi ka sabab bata dijiye taaki main Wo galti dobara na karu....

Aur jaha tak ilm ki baat hai, Main sirf yahi kahunga ki mujhe kuchh bhi nahi aata abhi is fun ke baare me.
Bas jo do-chaar alfaaz dimaag me aa jate hai, unhe toD-MaroDkar kuchh likh deta hu.
Haa.n, waise kaafi kuchh siikhne ki tamanna hai.....
To jo ilm ki baat hai, shayad ham sabhi ek jaise hi hai....
Shukriya bhai............
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«Reply #14 on: June 01, 2011, 09:26:21 AM »
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Quote from: vipul kumar on May 21, 2011, 07:59:28 AM
@Adil Sahab.

Bahut bahut shukriya ki aapne kam se kam ise padhne ki jzehmat to ki. ummid hai kuchh pasand bhi aayi hogi. Aur Faarsi ke maamle me to ham bahut la_ilm hai. Abhi to Farsi me pair hi nahi rakha. Bahut kuchh siikhna baki hai. Kaafi din se masrufiyat ki wajah se kuchh naya farsi me padh ya likh nahi paaya to ilm me ijaafa kaha se ho...
Jald hi kuchh siikhkar naya likhne ki koshish karunga..
Waise, aaj kal to English par zor hai, usme likhne ki koshish ki ja rahi hai.
Zubaan to kaafi achhi hai par mujhe lagta hai english ka literature urdu farsi ke muqabile bahut kamzor hai.
Insha_allah usme bhi agar kuchh ehssaso.n ki rangat la paya to shayad kuchh achha likh pau.n.....
Fir Farsi par bhi aur dhyan dunga.
Shukriya bhai. shaad-o-aabad rahe.n...........

VIPUL JI .MUJHE AFSOOS HAI KI MAIN URDU NAHIN JAANTA MOQAMMAL TAUR PE.CHUNKI ZABAAN URDU HAI ISS WAJH KAR TOOTI PHOOTI BOL LETAA HOON.

MAIN YAHI KAHNAA CHAHUNGAA...


             GHAR PE MERE URDU KA SAMANDAR RAHAA,
             KABHI NA DOOBNE KI KOSHISH KI,
             SAHHIL PE KHADAA DEKHTA RAHAA.

  MERE WALID MOHTARAM AUR AAMI URDU MEIN   M.A HAIN AUR WAALID PARSIAN KE BHI ACHCHE JAANKAAR HAIN. HAAN MUJH MEIN YE KAMI RAHI
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