Yaden:Ghazals

drpandey

Guest

Shab-e-gham jab bhi yaad aata hai,
Tanha mahfil mein chhod jata hai.!

Aapse mil ke bhi sukun nahin,
Hijr kuchh is tarah satata hai.!!

Koi gulsan, dayar, veerana,
Ek kasak bar-bar lata hai. !!!

Lakh kah doon ki vasta kaya hai,
Dil se dil ka ye koi nata hai.!!!!

Teri ankhon mein jab utarta hun,
Mujhko kitna sukun aata hai.!!!!!

Dr HP Pandey
Allahabad


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riyaz106

Guest

Re: Yaden

«Reply #1 on: January 15, 2010, 05:08:11 AM »

Bahut shandaar aur umdah ghazal likhi hai Pandey ji.


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drpandey

Guest

Re: Yaden

«Reply #2 on: January 15, 2010, 08:57:47 AM »

Sukriya Riyaz Sahab...Aadabarz hai...

Ghazal ki khamion per bhi kuchh roshni dalte rahen..


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riyaz106

Guest

Re: Yaden

«Reply #3 on: January 15, 2010, 10:49:47 AM »

Quote from: drpandey on January 15, 2010, 08:57:47 AM

Sukriya Riyaz Sahab...Aadabarz hai...

Ghazal ki khamion per bhi kuchh roshni dalte rahen..

Dear Pandey Ji aapki ye ghazal mafhoom ke taur par bahut achhi hai.
Koi khami nazar nahi aati lekin choonki aap ghazal ke zawabit ke
mutabiq likhte hain to kuchh arz karna chahta hun.

1. Misra: Koi dayar ho, gulsan ho ya ho veerna > ye misra behr ke hisaab se tool
ho raha hai. Ise agar yun kar len to behr mein aa jayega:
Koi gulshan, dayar, veerana
Ek kasak bar-bar laata hai
2. Misra: Teri aankhon mein utar kar aksar > isme bhi wahi baat hai. Agar ise
yun kar len to behr mein aa jayega:
Teri aankhon mein jab utarta hun
Mujhko kitna sukun aata hai
3. Kuchh minor spelling mistake bhi hain jaise

Hizr (Hijr), quasak (kasak), aanhhon (ankhon)

I hope you will not mind.


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drpandey

Guest

Re: Yaden

«Reply #4 on: January 15, 2010, 03:03:00 PM »

Riyaz sahab aapki analysis bahut achchhi lagi, main aapki salah incorporate kar raha hun.Isi tarah apne vichar dete rahen jisse aapki aur bhi behtreen khidmat kar sakun.

Tahedil se Behad Sukriya


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drpandey

Guest

Re: Yaden

«Reply #5 on: January 15, 2010, 03:10:12 PM »

Yaden


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drpandey

Guest

Re: Yaden

«Reply #6 on: January 15, 2010, 03:20:18 PM »

Behad sukriya, aap jaise kadrdano se ghazal ki hifazat hogi...maine Riyaz sahab ka sukriya ada karte huye unke vicharon ko incorporate kar diya hai..please ghazal ko fir se padhen aur inayat quayam rakhen


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riyaz106

Guest

Re: Yaden

«Reply #7 on: January 15, 2010, 04:19:30 PM »

Shukriya Pandey sahab ke aapne meri haqeer si tajveez ko ahmeeyat di aur use incorporate kiya. Aapki deegar ghazals ka intezaar rahega.


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Rishi Agarwal

Guest

Re: Yaden

«Reply #8 on: January 20, 2010, 07:17:15 AM »

Bahut Khub Pandey Ji And Riyaz Ji Aapki Is Tarah Se Analysis Kar Batana Hume Bahut Accha Laga Thnx Riyaz Ji


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