Aao chalte haiN kaheeN aab-e-rawaa.N dhooNdheNge.....Mamta Bajpai

by mamta bajpai on September 05, 2010, 12:25:50 PM
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Ab jo nikle haiN to maNzil ke nishaa.N dhooNdheNge
mere khwaaboN me basaa teraa makaa.N dhooNdheNge

hai bharosaa mujhe ikraar-e-wafaa kaa tujh pe
hum teree aaNkhoN me chaahat kaa nishaa.N dhooNdheNge

chupke rote ho bahut haal sunaate bhee naheeN
aap ke dil me koi dard nihaa.N dhooNdheNge

pyaar kee baat cHiRhee or nashaa chaane lagaa
jisme ho unkee wafaa aise bayaa.N dhooNdheNge

tishnagee baRhane lagee jalte hue sahraa me
aao chalte haiN kaheeN aab-e-rawaa.N dhooNdheNge
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rohit0291
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«Reply #1 on: September 05, 2010, 03:15:14 PM »
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very nice
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #2 on: September 05, 2010, 03:28:01 PM »
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Rohit jee bahut bahut dhanyawaad!
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deepika_divya
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«Reply #3 on: September 05, 2010, 03:59:53 PM »
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Bahoot bahoot Khoob Mamta ji.. Bahoot Khoob !
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #4 on: September 05, 2010, 05:23:01 PM »
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Mamta Sahibaa Aadaab!

Kia baat hai aapki nayi nayi GazaleN itne jaldi jaldi padhne mil rahi hai..... Dekhkar bahut khushi huyi hume.... Aapke is andaaz se hume lag raha hai ke aap likhane kafi jyadaa justaju rakhti hai..... Allah aapki justaju ko barqarar rakheN....

Aapki gazal to padh li bahut khoob lagi dili daad hazir hai...

Chaliye aapki gazal per aate hai..... Usual Smile           


Quote from: mamta bajpai on September 05, 2010, 12:25:50 PM
Ab jo nikle haiN to maNzil ke nishaa.N dhooNdheNge
mere khwaaboN me basaa teraa makaa.N dhooNdheNge

Kia matala kah hai Mamtaa jee .... Humari nazar meiN behad naye khayaal ko aapne rawani dii hai..... Daad Waah jeee waah .... yahaaN Aik baat kaheNge... aapka radiff jo hai plural word ko use ho raha hai us hisab se aap ko dusre misre meiN... Mere ki jagaaH "apne" use karna chahiye..


hai bharosaa mujhe ikraar-e-wafaa kaa tujh pe
hum teree aaNkhoN me chaahat kaa nishaa.N dhooNdheNge

Behad sadgii se aapne is sher ko bhi anjam tak pahuNchaya daad...           


chupke rote ho bahut haal sunaate bhee naheeN
hum tere dil me koi dard piNhaa.N dhooNdheNge

Bahut khoob...... Par yahaaN dono misare ek hi baat ke saboot hai mohtarmaa... Jab rote hai to koi dard hoNga hi naa usse piNhaaN dard dhundne ki zarurat hi nahi.. So sher meiN koi khaas baat nahi bani...


pyaar kee baat cHiRhee or nashaa chaane lagaa
jisme ho unkee wafaa aise bayaa.N dhooNdheNge

Achcha sher hai daad.....


tishnagee baRhane lagee jalte hue sahraa me
aao chalte haiN kaheeN aab-e-rawaa.N dhooNdheNge

Khususan Is sher ki tarif ke liye humne kalaam ka tafseera kiya hai.... BeintehaaN khoob hai yeh sher... Behad gehrai lagi hume is sher meiN... Daad Daad Daad Usual Smile         


Aapki kalaam bahut khoob hai Mamtaa jee... Aur aapki kalam ki dhaar bhi behad khoob lagi hume ....
Likhate rahiye.... Aisi umdaa gazaloN se bam ko nawazte rahiye... Khush rahiye..... Khuda hafez.... Usual Smile         
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #5 on: September 05, 2010, 06:31:00 PM »
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Sophi jee aap se milkar khushee hui...gazal pasand farmaane ka behad shukriyaa...
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #6 on: September 05, 2010, 06:51:55 PM »
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Parvez saaheb duaaoNke liye behad mashkoor o mamnoon hooN.yaqeen jaaniye aap kee pratikriyaa ka humeN shiddat se intezaar tha...achcha lagtaa hai jab aap kisee examiner kee tarah humaaree gazal ka muaainah karte haiN...doodh kaa doodh or paanee ka paanee karte haiN....
gazal ke matle ke mutalliq jo mashwarah diyaa hume achcha laga aap durust kah rahe haiN....hum use theek kar leNge.....
gazal ke 3rd sher ke baare me meraa khulaasaa alhaidah hai ,woh ye kehpahle misare me mahboob kaa surat e haal diyaa hai or doosare misre me meri jaanib se uske dil me utar kar us chupe hue dard ko dhooNdhne kee koshish kee  jaa rahee hai jis kee wajah se ye haal bana hua hai.....ummeed hai aap meri baat samajh gaye hoNge....
gazal ka tabsira karne or humaree housla afzai ke liye mashkoor o mamnoon hooN...
khush raheN....
mamta bajpai
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #7 on: September 05, 2010, 08:06:37 PM »
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Quote from: mamta bajpai on September 05, 2010, 06:51:55 PM
Parvez saaheb duaaoNke liye behad mashkoor o mamnoon hooN.yaqeen jaaniye aap kee pratikriyaa ka humeN shiddat se intezaar tha...achcha lagtaa hai jab aap kisee examiner kee tarah humaaree gazal ka muaainah karte haiN...doodh kaa doodh or paanee ka paanee karte haiN....
gazal ke matle ke mutalliq jo mashwarah diyaa hume achcha laga aap durust kah rahe haiN....hum use theek kar leNge.....
gazal ke 3rd sher ke baare me meraa khulaasaa alhaidah hai ,woh ye kehpahle misare me mahboob kaa surat e haal diyaa hai or doosare misre me meri jaanib se uske dil me utar kar us chupe hue dard ko dhooNdhne kee koshish kee  jaa rahee hai jis kee wajah se ye haal bana hua hai.....ummeed hai aap meri baat samajh gaye hoNge....
gazal ka tabsira karne or humaree housla afzai ke liye mashkoor o mamnoon hooN...
khush raheN....
mamta bajpai

Mamtaa Sahiba Aadaab!

Yeh to aapka badaa pan hia jo aapko humari gustaqioN nagawaar nahi guzarti..... hume to shayari ka jyada ilm nahi hai... Bus ha jagaaH comman sense use karte hai.... So yahaaN bhi yehi kiya yeh to ittefak ki baat ho gayi ke woh word apki bher meiN fit baith gaya.... Usual Smile

Aur yeh dekhiye humari kam akhli k nishani ke aapke kahe is khubsurat aur sidhe se sher ko samjhe bhi nahi hum... Aur apni baat kah diye.... Aapne wazahat kii aapka bahut bahut shukriyaa ustad shoharaoN ne isi sher ko hasil e gazal ka darja bhi bata diya hume..... Hum aisi gustaqi ke liye mazarrat chahte hai......

Ummid hia hue aapse kaf kuch sikhane mileNga....
Aap likhati rahiye........
Khush rahiye......
Khuda hafez..... Usual Smile           
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nazar ghouri
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«Reply #8 on: September 05, 2010, 09:50:53 PM »
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bahot khob ek behtreen aur baa maani kalaam pe daad,aapki shayeri to parwaan chardti jaarahi hai mamata saheba,yun hi bazm ko roshan karte rahein aapne kalaamao'n se...
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #9 on: September 06, 2010, 06:11:09 AM »
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Nazar bhai ,
           namaskaar o aadaab,
                              Aap sabhee kee houslaa afzai or shaairi kee raahoN me rahnumaayee kaa hee nateeja hai.kya hee achcha ho aap humaare kalaam par khul kar tabsira kareN jis se meree fun e shaairee me or nikhaar aaye.....
khush raheN...
mamta bajpai
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«Reply #10 on: September 06, 2010, 02:03:01 PM »
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Mamta saheba aadab ,,

wah kya khoob ghazal kahi apne ..bahoth khoob dad hi dad ..tamam sher khabile dad hai.N ...is murrasa ghazal ke liye app mubarak baat ki mustahiq hai.N

Chupke roote ho bahot haal sunate bhi nahi
Hum tere dil me koi dard pinha.N dhondenge...

Is sher ka Dusra Misra shutur-Gurbah Ka shikar hai..Hum aur Tere "( oont aur billi ka ayeb )...Aur pinha.N shayad bhr se kharij kar raha hai misre ko..Mai galat bhi ho sakta hon ap dekh len...Shutur gurba Aur Wazn dono durust karne ke liye ik Surat yun ho sakti hai..

Chupke Roote ho Bahoth haal sunate bhi nahi
Apke dil me koi dard Nehaa.N dhondenge.......


Waise is sher ko agar hasil-e-ghazal kahon to baath galat nahi hogi ...Phir se apki purlutf ghazal pe dad o mubarak baat ...khubool karen..


Maine jo khuch bhi kaha hai wo bus meri apni zaati rai hai ..itefaq zarori nahi ....allah apko khush rakhe ..


dua go

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«Reply #11 on: September 07, 2010, 04:44:53 AM »
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bahut bahut khoob Mamta ji... bahut pyaari ghazal hai...!!!
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #12 on: September 07, 2010, 05:05:21 AM »
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bahut bhuat shukriyaa kapil jee!
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #13 on: September 07, 2010, 05:25:54 AM »
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Qdeer saaheb,
             Namaskaar,
                      Aap jaisee shakhsiyat kee daad haasil karke bada fkhara mahsoos hotaa hai lagtaa hai mehnat kuch to parwaan chaRhee.housaloN ko paNkh nawaazane ke liye aabhaar denaa chaahatee hooN.
'pinhaa.N' ko 'nihaa.N' me badal denaa bad.a achcha lagaa.lekin ye 'shutur gurbah' kya hai pahle bhee kai baar gazal ke tabsire me paRhane ko aayaa lekin samjh se baahar hee rahaa.pahle misare me mere khayaal me jo sambodhan apne maboob ke liye tha woh is tarah thaa....tum bahut rote ho or baat kya hai bataate bhee naheeN ab hum khud hee tumhare dil me chupe dard ka pataa lagaayeNge.to yahaaN aap kahna ....kya munaasib hogaa...jab aap kisee ke bahut kaeeb hote ho ,dil se ,to 'aap 'kee oupchaarikataa kahaaN ghaayab ho jaatee hai pataa hee naheeN chaltaa.jab hum kisee kee behad izzat karte haiN to hee aap kah kar bulaate haiN.is baare me thod.aa kulaasaa kareNto mere liye mufeed hoga.yahaaN bahut qareebee rishte kee baat ho rahee hai...waise agar aap ko ye kamee mahsoos hui hogee to durust hee kahaa hai aap ne....
mamta bajpai
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«Reply #14 on: September 07, 2010, 12:10:23 PM »
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Quote from: mamta bajpai on September 07, 2010, 05:25:54 AM
Qdeer saaheb,
             Namaskaar,
                      Aap jaisee shakhsiyat kee daad haasil karke bada fkhara mahsoos hotaa hai lagtaa hai mehnat kuch to parwaan chaRhee.housaloN ko paNkh nawaazane ke liye aabhaar denaa chaahatee hooN.
'pinhaa.N' ko 'nihaa.N' me badal denaa bad.a achcha lagaa.lekin ye 'shutur gurbah' kya hai pahle bhee kai baar gazal ke tabsire me paRhane ko aayaa lekin samjh se baahar hee rahaa.pahle misare me mere khayaal me jo sambodhan apne maboob ke liye tha woh is tarah thaa....tum bahut rote ho or baat kya hai bataate bhee naheeN ab hum khud hee tumhare dil me chupe dard ka pataa lagaayeNge.to yahaaN aap kahna ....kya munaasib hogaa...jab aap kisee ke bahut kaeeb hote ho ,dil se ,to 'aap 'kee oupchaarikataa kahaaN ghaayab ho jaatee hai pataa hee naheeN chaltaa.jab hum kisee kee behad izzat karte haiN to hee aap kah kar bulaate haiN.is baare me thod.aa kulaasaa kareNto mere liye mufeed hoga.yahaaN bahut qareebee rishte kee baat ho rahee hai...waise agar aap ko ye kamee mahsoos hui hogee to durust hee kahaa hai aap ne....
mamta bajpai


mamta saheba salam masnon..izzat afzai ke liye sarapa sipaas hon ..ye sub apki faraq dili hai jo kissi khabil samjhti hain app ..

shatur gurbah ..ke maine hote hain "OONT aur BILLI" ..mujhe itna hi pata hai ..

Khud ko hum se muqatib aur maheboob ko tu tera ,tere ..se muqatib hona shatur gurbah ka ayeb mana jaata hai ...apki radeef hi aisi hai ke nibhana mushkil hai ..

Gareeb ke zahen me ik surat aai thi so maine taherir kar di ..baaqi ap khudh sunch hi lenge ...umid hai baath ab saaf ho gaai hogi ...allah apko khush rakhe ..


khadim

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