geet jo tu gungunaave,,,,,,jeet jainam

by jeet jainam on June 24, 2014, 01:51:15 AM
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jeet jainam
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thoda sa diffrent likhne ki koshish ki hai ger koi galti ho to maaf kijiyega

aangan me geet jo tu gungunaave,
koyaliya bhi wohi sur dohraave,

jis bhi nagari meintu chali jaave,
zamana bhi tere piche chal  aave,

ek nazar bhar jo tujhe dekh leve,,
hosh o hawaas me bhi behak sa jaave,

morni chaal se teri qamer balkhave,
dil pe rakh lu hath ye fisal sa jaave,

savere uthke jab baalo ko lehraave,
mosam ki chaal bhi badal see jaave,

khiyalo me jab tu nazar nhi aave,
mun vichlitt hoke dehal sa jaave,

           jj saini
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surindarn
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«Reply #1 on: June 24, 2014, 03:00:22 AM »
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bahut umdah Jeet Sahib.
Surindar.N
 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley
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Advo.RavinderaRavi
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«Reply #2 on: June 24, 2014, 04:29:54 AM »
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Khoobsuratttttttttttttttttttttttttttt Nice one Jeet jee.
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nandbahu
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«Reply #3 on: June 24, 2014, 09:06:06 AM »
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bahut khoob Applause Applause Applause Applause
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jeet jainam
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«Reply #4 on: June 24, 2014, 11:05:06 AM »
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shukriya surinder sir ji
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jeet jainam
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«Reply #5 on: June 24, 2014, 11:07:02 AM »
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shukriya ravi sir ji
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jeet jainam
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«Reply #6 on: June 24, 2014, 11:08:01 AM »
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shukriya nandbahu sir ji
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mann.mann
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«Reply #7 on: June 24, 2014, 01:35:10 PM »
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hunnn... acha hau jeetji

 Applause Applause Applause
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amit_prakash_meet
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«Reply #8 on: June 24, 2014, 02:01:22 PM »
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बहुत अच्छी कोशिश है......


रचना की तारतम्यता को बनाये रखने के लिये कुछ सुझाव.....

savere uthke jab baalo ko lehrati hai, lehraave
mosam ki chaal bhi badal see jaave,

khiyalo me jab tu nazar nhi aati, aave
mun vichlitt hoke dehal sa jaave,
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dksaxenabsnl
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खुश रहो खुश रहने दो l

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«Reply #9 on: June 24, 2014, 02:05:45 PM »
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 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause

Wah kya baat.
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SURESH SANGWAN
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«Reply #10 on: June 24, 2014, 03:01:38 PM »
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 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower
bahut khoooooooooooob jeeet ji
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad
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khamosh_aawaaz
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«Reply #11 on: June 24, 2014, 03:19:04 PM »
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Quote from: jeet jainam on June 24, 2014, 01:51:15 AM
thoda sa diffrent likhne ki koshish ki hai ger koi galti ho to maaf kijiyega

aangan me geet jo tu gungunaave,
koyaliya bhi wohi sur dohraave,

jis bhi nagari meintu chali jaave,
zamana bhi tere piche chal  aave,

ek nazar bhar jo tujhe dekh leve,,
hosh o hawaas me bhi behak sa jaave,

morni chaal se teri qamer balkhave,
dil pe rakh lu hath ye fisal sa jaave,

savere uthke jab baalo ko lehraave,
mosam ki chaal bhi badal see jaave,

khiyalo me jab tu nazar nhi aave,
mun vichlitt hoke dehal sa jaave,

           jj saini




gud
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jeet jainam
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«Reply #12 on: June 24, 2014, 10:38:06 PM »
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shukriya man ji
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jeet jainam
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«Reply #13 on: June 24, 2014, 10:58:54 PM »
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shukriya amit sir ji
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jeet jainam
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«Reply #14 on: June 24, 2014, 10:59:58 PM »
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shukriya dk sir ji
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