tumhaari khushboo! (by vb)

by vb on December 14, 2013, 09:52:15 PM
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Tumhaari khushboo!
Tarastay sehra k lab pe jaisay!
nai ruttoN ki,
Fuaar barsay........
Fuaar barsay...
nai ruttoN ki
mohabbaton ki
Fuaar barsay...
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«Reply #1 on: December 14, 2013, 10:15:31 PM »
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bahut khoob
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Saman Firdaus
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«Reply #2 on: December 14, 2013, 10:28:11 PM »
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Nicee Onee..
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laaiba
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«Reply #3 on: December 14, 2013, 11:12:52 PM »
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gustakhee moaa,f ye nazm aapke way of writing ke mayar se kam lagee mujhe ,..gustakhii moaaf'fuhaar'koh agar pohaa.r likh lein toh
khoob lage gaa,..aapka meri naqas ul aqal kamilmee se ittefaq karna zarooree b nahiN ,.......
 
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«Reply #4 on: December 14, 2013, 11:53:32 PM »
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Quote from: laaiba on December 14, 2013, 11:12:52 PM
gustakhee moaa,f ye nazm aapke way of writing ke mayar se kam lagee mujhe ,..gustakhii moaaf'fuhaar'koh agar pohaa.r likh lein toh
khoob lage gaa,..aapka meri naqas ul aqal kamilmee se ittefaq karna zarooree b nahiN ,.......
 




laaiba jee!

tamheed
gustaakhi wali koi baat nahi hay... wo kya hay k... jaisa aap ko laga hay wo haqeeqat hay... bayaan na karnay say... haqeeqat na badalti...

aap ne hamara mayaar kuchh achha samajh rakha hay tu aap ki meherbani hay... aap hamaray mayaar k hisaab say nazm ko na dekhen, nazm k mayaar say hamen dekhen tu sahi tha...

is baaray men ye kahen gay k...
hum nazm-go shayar hen.. ya keh len k koshish kartay hen... hamen ghazal buhat aasaan or nazm zyada mushkil lagti hay... ghazal men har sher aazaad hota hay, nazm shuru say aakhir tak bandhi hoti hay.... jub mufaa-il ki girdaanoN say nikaltay hen tu phir sirf beher koi masla nahi rehti... mazaameen, aur alfaaz say uthnay wali khushbu ki taraf dhiyaan reh jaata hay... kamyaab nazm wohi hoti hay jo parhnay walay k ehsaasaat ko ujaagar karay... aap achhi shayar honay k naatay mujh say behtar samajhti hon ge... kisi ki sadiyon baad zara si jhalak mehsoos ho tu ... yaqeenan ye nazm us ka is tarah khair-maqdam nahi karti... hum maantay hen k ye bilkul naa-kaam koshish thi hamari...

technically... ye azaad nazm hay... word "Fuaar" asal urdu k hisaab say... "Favaar" hay jaisay "Favaaraa" hota hay.... hum ne Fuaar is ko halka mehsoos karnay k liyay kiya hay... aur hum aisa is liyay bhe kar saktay hen.. k "Fuaar" men "aa" ko khencha jaa sakta hay....

is men 'mu-faa-i-laa-tun' ki repetition hay...

taqtee... aisay hay.. hazaf karnay wali cheezen hazaf karnay k baad..

tum-aar-i-kus-boo
mu-faa-i-laa-tun

isi tarah...

fa-vaa-r-bar-say
mu-faa-i-laa-tun

aap k suggested word pohaa.r k meaning hamen aatay nahi.. is liyay kuchh keh nahi saktay..

i mean... jo naa-kaam koshish hay... wo yehi hay.. baaki jo parhnay walay.. mehsoos karen... ya samjhen...
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laaiba
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«Reply #5 on: December 14, 2013, 11:56:52 PM »
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Usual Smile bas yehee detail jannee thee hameN vb jee,......
bohat shuqria aapkaa,..............
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vb
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«Reply #6 on: December 14, 2013, 11:59:13 PM »
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]:]
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SURESH SANGWAN
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«Reply #7 on: December 15, 2013, 12:20:17 AM »
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 Applause Applause Applause
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dksaxenabsnl
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«Reply #8 on: December 15, 2013, 01:42:30 AM »
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 Applause Applause Applause
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RAJAN KONDAL
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«Reply #9 on: December 15, 2013, 02:00:54 AM »
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wha wha wha
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mazHur
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«Reply #10 on: December 15, 2013, 05:46:07 AM »
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Quote from: vb on December 14, 2013, 11:53:32 PM



laaiba jee!

tamheed
gustaakhi wali koi baat nahi hay... wo kya hay k... jaisa aap ko laga hay wo haqeeqat hay... bayaan na karnay say... haqeeqat na badalti...

aap ne hamara mayaar kuchh achha samajh rakha hay tu aap ki meherbani hay... aap hamaray mayaar k hisaab say nazm ko na dekhen, nazm k mayaar say hamen dekhen tu sahi tha...

is baaray men ye kahen gay k...
hum nazm-go shayar hen.. ya keh len k koshish kartay hen... hamen ghazal buhat aasaan or nazm zyada mushkil lagti hay... ghazal men har sher aazaad hota hay, nazm shuru say aakhir tak bandhi hoti hay.... jub mufaa-il ki girdaanoN say nikaltay hen tu phir sirf beher koi masla nahi rehti... mazaameen, aur alfaaz say uthnay wali khushbu ki taraf dhiyaan reh jaata hay... kamyaab nazm wohi hoti hay jo parhnay walay k ehsaasaat ko ujaagar karay... aap achhi shayar honay k naatay mujh say behtar samajhti hon ge... kisi ki sadiyon baad zara si jhalak mehsoos ho tu ... yaqeenan ye nazm us ka is tarah khair-maqdam nahi karti... hum maantay hen k ye bilkul naa-kaam koshish thi hamari...

technically... ye azaad nazm hay... word "Fuaar" asal urdu k hisaab say... "Favaar" hay jaisay "Favaaraa" hota hay.... hum ne Fuaar is ko halka mehsoos karnay k liyay kiya hay... aur hum aisa is liyay bhe kar saktay hen.. k "Fuaar" men "aa" ko khencha jaa sakta hay....

is men 'mu-faa-i-laa-tun' ki repetition hay...

taqtee... aisay hay.. hazaf karnay wali cheezen hazaf karnay k baad..

tum-aar-i-kus-boo
mu-faa-i-laa-tun

isi tarah...

fa-vaa-r-bar-say
mu-faa-i-laa-tun

aap k suggested word pohaa.r k meaning hamen aatay nahi.. is liyay kuchh keh nahi saktay..

i mean... jo naa-kaam koshish hay... wo yehi hay.. baaki jo parhnay walay.. mehsoos karen... ya samjhen...




Aapki ittela ke leeay asl lafz PHUWAAR he ....

baqi aapki marzi...jo husn e karishma saaz karay!! Giggle
Usual Smile
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Iftakhar Ahmad
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«Reply #11 on: December 15, 2013, 06:00:42 AM »
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waaaaaaaaaaah choti lekin asardaar nazm hamesha ki tarah. Bahut khoob janaab.
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vb
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«Reply #12 on: December 15, 2013, 04:47:19 PM »
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Quote from: SURESH SANGWAN on December 15, 2013, 12:20:17 AM
Applause Applause Applause

Thanx..
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vb
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«Reply #13 on: December 15, 2013, 04:48:02 PM »
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Quote from: dksaxenabsnl on December 15, 2013, 01:42:30 AM
Applause Applause Applause

Thanx...
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vb
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«Reply #14 on: December 15, 2013, 04:49:03 PM »
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Quote from: RAJAN KONDAL on December 15, 2013, 02:00:54 AM
wha wha wha

Shukriya...
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