mere geet meri haar he:Shayeri for Dard -e- Bewafai

Prateek Mardia

Guest

bhoomika---kuch tukbandi ka shauk tha par in shayri waali sites Se talukaat naya naya he.kitaabe padhne ka bhee koi mauka pada nahi khaas zindgi mein.itne behtareen logon ko itni khoobsurat shayri karte dekh shuru mein bohut accha laga..par baad mein kuch inferiority complex aur jealosy ne janam le liya.sabki na jaane kitni asankhya kavitaye ,har roz nayi rachna likhne ka hunar..sehan nahi hua.mein to ek pankti likkhta hu..agli pankti khojne mein mahina aur kavita samapt hone mein saal lag jaata tha aur khud ko fanne khan samajh bethe.par khud ko itna neeche dekhna bhee sambhav nahi tha..to kuch shodh kiya ki aisa kyon he---ki mujhe itna samay kyon lagta he--is bhaav se judi hui ek rachna----

pal mein pradarshit,pal mein swaha,
weh kya jale....weh kab dhua...
tab rachi thi ...ab jawa
meri daston ka kaarwan!
pal mein pradarshit,pal mein swaha
weh kya jaale,weh kab dhua!

nit nayi he rachni padti,
umra choti hum jaante..
veh laana chahte,
jaagriti ya chetna...
aur unhi ka shok harne,
mein gungunata samvedna!
gadya unke ved honge...
par geet mere ved-na(vedna)!
bane aushdhi ya fir dua.....
mere geeton ko jisne chua!
pal mein pradarshit, pal mein swaha
veh kya jale ,veh kab dhua...

na himmaton ki hunkaar he,
na paaylon ki jhankaar he,
na sabjbaagon ka vypaar he
na prabhubhakti ka saar he..

mere geet meri haar he...
har haar ka sweekar he...
mithya mein guthu shabd kyon..
is-se kab bhala kiska hua!
pal mein pradarshit pal mein swaha
veh kya jaale veh kab dhua.....

Prateek.


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syednaami

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #1 on: April 14, 2008, 08:19:45 PM »

Aap ki Kavita se jo Kashaaya drisht maye hai, uska main hrday se abhinandan karta hun.
Kathhnai to hai, kintu shabdon ke bhitar sampurna man charcha ka jo vishaya bhara hua hai, veh man ko mohit karta hai, parantu jis stithi main yeh racha hua hai veh Aatmasamhaar ka bhi drishya de rahi hai.
Waise mujhe shabdon ka jo samvaad ya Akaar hai us main aap ki vaastavikta ka swaroop vishvasnya hai.

Aap aisi hi prayogta daite raho. Shabdon ke arth bhi vyaakhya karden to uchit rahega. Kyunki har koi Hindi main chatur nahin hai ki arth kalpana karsake, main bhi nahin hun.

Vinaya : Aap ki kavita ke Shabdon ka aksharkaar Roman main savikrat nahin, usse thoda thheek karen.

Dhanyavaad

(S Naami)

Applause


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Prateek Mardia

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #2 on: April 14, 2008, 08:44:55 PM »

syednaami ji,

dil rakhne ke liye shukriya.
.kabhi kabhi zarrorat pad hi jaati he jaan-ne ki aur aapne samay nikal ke meri request ka honour kiya,dil se aabhari hu.par ab ehsaas hein ki apne dil ki baat shaayad theek se vyakt nahi kar paya hounga..tabhi.
Rahi baat apni kavita ke shabdon ke arth likhne ki--woh to tabhi sambhav ho payega jab aapki mail mein likhe ek ek shabd ka arth dhoond kar aapka matlab pehle samajh paaounga.kaashya,prayogta,aatmasahhar,akasharkaar....list is endless.abhi mujhe bohut samaya lagega.
Aap aisi hi prayogta daite raho. Shabdon ke arth bhi vyaakhya karden to uchit rahega. Kyunki har koi Hindi main chatur nahin hai ki arth kalpana karsake, main bhi nahin hun.

(Vinaya : Aap ki kavita ke Shabdon ka aksharkaar Roman main savikrat nahin, usse thoda thheek karen.)

atleast is sentence ka arth to aap hi vistaar se samjha dijiyega to kuch to behtar kar sakunga..aage se.

shukriya


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syednaami

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #3 on: April 14, 2008, 09:33:29 PM »

You composition is wonderful and gives a flood of thoughts of self-manifestation or feelings after a desperate experience or mood of despair. Well paved and well versed in Hindi.
Main kissi ka dil nahin rakhta jo sach hai woh keh diya.

(Vinaya : Aap ki kavita ke Shabdon ka aksharkaar Roman main savikrat nahin, usse thoda thheek karen.)

I just requested to use proper spellings while writing poetry used in poetry so that each and every reader can understand the words correctly.
For example: Jawa (Jawan), Dhua (Dhuwaan) Kyun (Kyun) etc.
I again say I don't know much about Hindi.

Thanks and Regards

आप का अनदाज़ बुहत ज़बरदस्त है -


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Prateek Mardia

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #4 on: April 15, 2008, 02:59:32 PM »

syednaami ji,

aap par urdu,hindi aur english sabhi itni meharbaan hein,aapki likhe in jawaabon mein jhalak-ta he.aap ka bohut shukriya.

kuch kuch aapki baat shaayad samjh me aa rahi he..dheere dheere seekhne ki cheshta rahegi.

Vaise aapki prerna se-apni pichli kavita-''ghaav'' ka roop aapke kahe anusaar badlne ki kuch koshish ki he,ho sake to nazre daaliyega.abhi main page pur mojud he.(kitne naye naye tareeke dhoondne padte hein ki koi shrota mil jaaye).

aapke mar-darshan ka shukraguzar,

Prateek


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syednaami

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #5 on: April 15, 2008, 08:03:27 PM »

Aadarniya Prateek
Main aisa kyun hun yeh sab YoIndia ki moh maya hai, jisne meri yogyata ko badhaawa diya, aur aap se iss prakaar paraayan hun. Kuchh iss ka kaaran Kashi aur Mathura bhi hain.
Aap jis prakaar bhi likhna chaho likho, har vishay main bhaag lo, ataah adhik sammaanit hon.

Anand ki baat yeh hai ki aap to mere liye bhi uttam prenana ho chuke ho jab se yahan pravesh kiye ho.

Aap ki sahaayata ki avashakta mujhe bhi padegi.

Interesting thing is that from these 3 languages none is my native language. I speak another language.
Sorry for the delayed reply.

Dhanyavaad
Keval
S Naami


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Prateek Mardia

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #6 on: April 15, 2008, 08:18:52 PM »

syeednaami ji,
aap ki bhaasha sneh aur sahyog ki he, zuban chahe koi bhee ho,yehi baat aakarshit karti he.
aap aadarniya na jode,sharminda ho jaunga,apna chota bhai samjhe.aapse bohut grahan karna he,abhi shuruaat he.

regards
Prateek


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syednaami

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #7 on: April 16, 2008, 05:08:14 PM »

Prateek Mitr
Kaise hain? chalo aap kehte ho to phir mitr bula sakta hun.
Mere liye har bhaasha pyar aur sneh ki hi hoti, veh to hum usko "pal main swaha pal main dhuwan" karte hain, hain na?
Aap se buhut grihan kar raha hun, kadaachit aap ko jaankari na ho, parantu aisa hai.

Pooja main samaran keejiyega.

(S Naami)


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Prateek Mardia

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #8 on: April 18, 2008, 10:03:45 AM »

Pooja main samaran keejiyega.

(S Naami)
[/quote

pooja karta mein to uski jo
sehej-saral-sehriday har kshun
ankit naam wahi aapka bhee
ek shivaalaya mera mun!


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syednaami

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #9 on: April 18, 2008, 06:42:13 PM »

man shivaalaya gyan trilok sthal
Kaaroonya antar gupt maye
jaya dishaya sarvada tan yatra sthal

(What do you think is this correct, reply soon. Philosophy)


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Prateek Mardia

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #10 on: April 20, 2008, 09:07:05 AM »

syeednaami ji,

itni goodh hindi ka prayog he ki meri samajh naakara he aapke sundar abhivyakti pur.ho sake to samjhaiyega bhee,jub tuk poori tarh samajh na aaye tub tuk mazaa adhoora he.shukriya.


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syednaami

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #11 on: April 20, 2008, 09:32:41 PM »

Pranaam::
Yadi aap prayatna to kijye, mujhe asha hai aap ko uttar mil jayega, phir bhi veh itna kathhin to nahin hai.
Aap ko ek aur Kavita ka web pata bhej raha hun, krpya padh kar dekh lijyega.

Adrishya Jeevan Disha

Shubh Kaamna ke saath

S Naami


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Sonia01

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #12 on: April 20, 2008, 11:30:17 PM »

kya zabardast hindi ka milap hai. Applause

(mujhe poore 20 min laage... samajne main todi katinayiyan huyi. waise
mere bhai Prateek Mardia jee ne behat kubsurati se likha hai.)


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syednaami

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #13 on: April 22, 2008, 04:19:48 AM »

Quote from: Sonia01 on April 20, 2008, 11:30:17 PM

kya zabardast hindi ka milap hai. Applause

(mujhe poore 20 min laage... samajne main todi katinayiyan huyi. waise
mere bhai Prateek Mardia jee ne behat kubsurati se likha hai.)

Lagta hai tumne adhikta se prabandha kia hoga, chhutki pari.

Prateek mitr:: Yadi hum issi prakaar aur maatraa men likhte rahe to Rashtriya Vishvavidyaalaya se Hindi Ph. D. ki Upaadi ka puraskaar sammaanit ho jayega.

Prashansak

S Naami


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Prateek Mardia

Guest

Re: mere geet meri haar he

«Reply #14 on: July 19, 2008, 07:47:32 PM »

Quote from: Sonia01 on April 20, 2008, 11:30:17 PM

kya zabardast hindi ka milap hai. Applause

(mujhe poore 20 min laage... samajne main todi katinayiyan huyi. waise
mere bhai Prateek Mardia jee ne behat kubsurati se likha hai.)

shukriya sonia ji--aapne itna waqt yahan kharh kiya aur tareef ki.aabhar.

Prateek


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