Mujhe aabaloN kaa hee shouq tha.................Mamta Bajpai

by mamta bajpai on August 20, 2010, 04:45:48 PM
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AbhiTamrakar
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«Reply #15 on: September 14, 2010, 07:45:29 AM »
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bahut khoob jiiiii daad kubool kijiye mamta ji....dil ko chhu lene wale shanda he~

bas urdu thodi kamjor he isiliye kuchh shabda mushkil se samajh aaye..

or Zidd ji apne bhi bahut khoobsurat andaz parosa he...daaad hazir he~
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #16 on: September 14, 2010, 04:38:15 PM »
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Abhi jee aap kaa behad shukriyaa .....aap ko jis shabd ka arth samajh na aaye woh aap be jhijhak pooch sakte haiN mujhe khushee hogee agar mai aap ke ilm me izaafaa kar sakooN........

mamta bajpai
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #17 on: September 14, 2010, 05:05:31 PM »
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Zidd saaheb,
            Namaskaar,
                     Aap ko yahaaN dekh kar behad khushee hui...humaree gazal ko jo atlas(qeematee reshmee kapda)ka jaamaa pahnaayaa.....or apne alfaazoN se jo makeover kiyaa us se woh haseeN o naazaneeN aur dilkash ho gayee....behad shukriyaa......
aap jaise tanqeed nigaaroN kaa hum khule dil se istaqbaal karte haiN .isliye aap ko apnee kalam chalaane ke liye abhee to kya aage bhee humaaree ijazat kee koi zaroorat pesh naheeN aayegee...
gazal me aaye kuch alfaazoN ke mutaaliq mai kuch khulaasaa karnaa chaahatee hooN....
1-lafz gumgashtagee hee hai jiskaa matlab hai raah bhool janaa ya bhatkaav
2-wuslat=milan yahaaN wuslatoN aayaa hai jo wuslat ka jamaa hai
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #18 on: September 14, 2010, 05:34:10 PM »
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Zidd Saaheb,
            puraani kisi film kaa ek geet thaa.......
tere pyaar ne mujhe gham diyaa ,mere gham kee umra daraaz ho...
isee geet kee dhun par maabni hai humaaree ye gazal.......
aap ek baar zaroor gungunaa kar dekh leN aap kee ye nai koshish bahar se khaariz ho rahee hai...maafee chaahooNgee...aap ne jo tabdeelee kee hai...use gaane me maatraa kat-tee hai...guzaarish hai aap ek nazar dekh leN.....ab gardan meree haazir hai janaab.....gustaakhee maaf...

Mamta Bajpai
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.adeeb
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«Reply #19 on: September 14, 2010, 07:04:47 PM »
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Janab Zidd sahab adaab. Aapne Mamta ji ki is takhleeq ki islaah karne ki achhi koshish ki hai magar kai misre ab bhi beher se kharij hain. Misaal ke taur par ek misra dekhen:

teri furqaton hi me kaT gayi meri taawe.l_umr ae humnashi
(Lafz taweel(lambi) to maloom hai lekin taawe.l maloom nahi. Shayad aapne taawe.l ke LAAM ka umr ke AIN se wasl kiya hai jo jayaz nahi hai. )

Is misre ki ek mumkina surat ye ho sakti hai:-
Mere hamnashi meri umr ye teri furqaton hi me kat gai

Ye ek mushkil beher zaroor hai lekin rare nahi, bahot se shayr istemaal karte aaye hain. Bashir Badr sahab ka ye sher yaad aa gaya:

Koi haath bhi na milaayega, jo galey miloge tapaak se
Ye naye mizaaj ka shahr hai, zara faslon se mila karo

Sama kharaashi ke liye aur bura laga ho to uske liye aapse aur Mamta ji se mazratkhwah hun.
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Anshumali
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«Reply #20 on: September 15, 2010, 02:17:29 AM »
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Quote from: mamta bajpai on August 20, 2010, 04:45:48 PM
MUJHE AABLON KA HEE SHOUQ THA,KUCH RAASTON SE GILAA NAHEEN
GUMGASHTAGEE HEE AZEEM THEE,KUCH RAHBARON SE GILA NAHEEN

YE RAAT LAMBI UDAAS OR PALAKON PE QATARE HAIN SHABNAMI
BEDAARIYAAN HI PASAND THEEN KHUMAARIYON SE GILA NAHEEN

TERI FURQATON ME HI KAT GAYEE YE TAVEEL UMRA AYE HUMNASHEEN
MUJHE FAASALE HI AZEEZ THE TERI WUSALATON SE GILA NAHEEN

YE JO ZAKHM MERE JIGAR ME HAIN UNHEN KYON NAHI TU KUREDATA
MUJHE ZAKHM MERE AZEEM HAIN TERI RAAHATON SE GILA NAHEEN

KUCH AUR DO MUJHE THOKAREN KI YE JAAN JISM ME HAI ABHI
TERI NAFRATEN HI NASEEB THEEN TERI CHAAHATON SE GILA NAHEEN

MAMTA BAJPAI

Mamta Ji ! Very Impressive ! Very Nice Creation... dil se daad hazir hai... aise hi likhti rahen aage bhi...khush rahen...

duaaon ke saath...
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zidd
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«Reply #21 on: September 15, 2010, 05:32:26 AM »
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Quote from: mamta bajpai on September 14, 2010, 05:05:31 PM
Zidd saaheb,
            Namaskaar,
                     Aap ko yahaaN dekh kar behad khushee hui...humaree gazal ko jo atlas(qeematee reshmee kapda)ka jaamaa pahnaayaa.....or apne alfaazoN se jo makeover kiyaa us se woh haseeN o naazaneeN aur dilkash ho gayee....behad shukriyaa......
aap jaise tanqeed nigaaroN kaa hum khule dil se istaqbaal karte haiN .isliye aap ko apnee kalam chalaane ke liye abhee to kya aage bhee humaaree ijazat kee koi zaroorat pesh naheeN aayegee...
gazal me aaye kuch alfaazoN ke mutaaliq mai kuch khulaasaa karnaa chaahatee hooN....
1-lafz gumgashtagee hee hai jiskaa matlab hai raah bhool janaa ya bhatkaav
2-wuslat=milan yahaaN wuslatoN aayaa hai jo wuslat ka jamaa hai

mamta ji aadaab.........

aapke swagat ka dhanywaad...............
zarasi galatfahmi ho gayi hai shayad...maine aapki ghazal ki beherband karne me koi naye alfaaz ka istemaal nahi kiya...na hi uska sequence badla....agar aisa karta to shayar/shayra ke saath badtamizi ho jaati....sirf aur sirf khanapuri ki hai.....agar aapki original shakl aur aur darj ki gayi shakl me, ek nigaah me koi farq bata hi nahi payega....agar farq bata diya to mai fail ho gaya aisa mujhe manna hoga....agar kisine sab badal kar beherbandi ki to kya  kaaam kiya?..phir to ghazal hi badal gayi...
ab musibat ye ki jisne originally likha hai uske dimaag me ghus kar ochna hai...ki shayar ne kya chaha tha....ab is khel me kabhi kabhi mistake ho jaati hai...so intehaii mazrat..
agar fail ho gaya to

regards
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zidd
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«Reply #22 on: September 15, 2010, 06:25:57 AM »
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Quote from: mamta bajpai on September 14, 2010, 05:34:10 PM
Zidd Saaheb,
            puraani kisi film kaa ek geet thaa.......
tere pyaar ne mujhe gham diyaa ,mere gham kee umra daraaz ho...
isee geet kee dhun par maabni hai humaaree ye gazal.......
aap ek baar zaroor gungunaa kar dekh leN aap kee ye nai koshish bahar se khaariz ho rahee hai...maafee chaahooNgee...aap ne jo tabdeelee kee hai...use gaane me maatraa kat-tee hai...guzaarish hai aap ek nazar dekh leN.....ab gardan meree haazir hai janaab.....gustaakhee maaf...

Mamta Bajpai

areee ram ram ram ram...tauba tauba
ye kaisi baat kar rahin hai aap?
ab shayraa ki bhi kahi gardan kaTti hai?....maare to sirf shayar jaate hai...
chaaku kharbujaa par maaro ya kharbujaa chaku par...kaTega to kharbujaa hi....gardan to hamaari hi jayegi matlab

ab aate hai aapji dhun par...so maine ye gana suna nahi....magar aapne kaha purana gana hai matlab koi slow dhun hogi...ab slow dhun me aisa kabhi kabhi ho jata hai...ke sakit - > mutharik and vice versa.kyuki gaate huye awaaz modulate ho jaati hai singer ke hisaab se. mere khayaal se tarannum se accha tarika hai tahat me fast adaa karna ( magar yaha problem ye ki first misra perfect hona chaiye aur practice ki bhi zarurat hai)....magar jisko jaisa suit kare....magar phir bhi agar koi fast song koi choose kare to shayad natijaa behtar ho...

is ghazal ka beher  ke kuch examples hai
=kabhi aah lab si nikal gayi kabhi askh ankho se dhal gaye
jo zara fast hai...aur ek naya sa song hai...relatively
=mai khayaal hu kisi aur ka mujhe sochta koi aur hai

ek baat phir se stress karta hu...maine kisi ka koi correction nahi kiya.....meri koi aukaat nahi aisa karne ki....
sirf khana puri ki hai....ab usme jo aib hai koi ustaad shohra batayenge...jabhi to ye silsila agee badega....aur unke jo aib hai dusre ustaad batayenge...aise hi silsila hum sab ke seekhne ka agee badta hai.
umeed hai ye site aisi hi hai....
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #23 on: September 15, 2010, 06:28:19 AM »
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Zidd Saaheb,
            Namaskaar,
                      adabee tanqeed me aisa honaa laazimee hai.aap maazrat kah kar mujhe sharmindah na kareN.or na hee pass or fail jaisee koi baat yahaaN hai... meraa maqsad sirf apnee baat ko aap ke saamne rakhna thaa or kuch naheeN...or hum yahaaN jab bhee kisee takhleeq ka tabsira karte haiN to hum sabhee kaa maqsad sirf apnee baat ke zariye apne ilm kaa izaafaa karnaa hai...or is tarah kee adabee tanqeedoN se kuchh na kuchh humeN haasil hee hotaa hai...mai chaahooNgee keh aage bhee aap kaa saath mujhe miltaa rahe...agar meree koi baat nagawaar guzare  to mai maafee chaahtee hooN...
mamta bajpai
 
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zidd
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«Reply #24 on: September 15, 2010, 06:48:42 AM »
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Quote from: mamta bajpai on September 14, 2010, 05:34:10 PM
Zidd Saaheb,
            puraani kisi film kaa ek geet thaa.......
tere pyaar ne mujhe gham diyaa ,mere gham kee umra daraaz ho...
isee geet kee dhun par maabni hai humaaree ye gazal.......
aap ek baar zaroor gungunaa kar dekh leN aap kee ye nai koshish bahar se khaariz ho rahee hai...maafee chaahooNgee...aap ne jo tabdeelee kee hai...use gaane me maatraa kat-tee hai...guzaarish hai aap ek nazar dekh leN.....ab gardan meree haazir hai janaab.....gustaakhee maaf...

Mamta Bajpai

areee ram ram ram ram...tauba tauba
ye kaisi baat kar rahin hai aap?
ab shayraa ki bhi kahi gardan kaTti hai?....maare to sirf shayar jaate hai...
chaaku kharbujaa par maaro ya kharbujaa chaku par...kaTega to kharbujaa hi....gardan to hamaari hi jayegi matlab

ab aate hai aapji dhun par...so maine ye gana suna nahi....magar aapne kaha purana gana hai matlab koi slow dhun hogi...ab slow dhun me aisa kabhi kabhi ho jata hai...ke sakit - > mutharik and vice versa.kyuki gaate huye awaaz modulate ho jaati hai singer ke hisaab se. mere khayaal se tarannum se accha tarika hai tahat me fast adaa karna ( magar yaha problem ye ki first misra perfect hona chaiye aur practice ki bhi zarurat hai)....magar jisko jaisa suit kare....magar phir bhi agar koi fast song koi choose kare to shayad natijaa behtar ho...

is ghazal ka beher  ke kuch examples hai
=kabhi aah lab si nikal gayi kabhi askh ankho se dhal gaye
jo zara fast hai...aur ek naya sa song hai...relatively
=mai khayaal hu kisi aur ka mujhe sochta koi aur hai

ek baat phir se stress karta hu...maine kisi ka koi correction nahi kiya.....meri koi aukaat nahi aisa karne ki....
sirf khana puri ki hai....ab usme jo aib hai koi ustaad shohra batayenge...jabhi to ye silsila agee badega....aur unke jo aib hai dusre ustaad batayenge...aise hi silsila hum sab ke seekhne ka agee badta hai.
umeed hai ye site aisi hi hai....

regards
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AbhiTamrakar
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«Reply #25 on: September 15, 2010, 07:11:09 AM »
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Quote from: mamta bajpai on September 14, 2010, 05:05:31 PM
Zidd saaheb,
            Namaskaar,
                     Aap ko yahaaN dekh kar behad khushee hui...humaree gazal ko jo atlas(qeematee reshmee kapda)ka jaamaa pahnaayaa.....or apne alfaazoN se jo makeover kiyaa us se woh haseeN o naazaneeN aur dilkash ho gayee....behad shukriyaa......
aap jaise tanqeed nigaaroN kaa hum khule dil se istaqbaal karte haiN .isliye aap ko apnee kalam chalaane ke liye abhee to kya aage bhee humaaree ijazat kee koi zaroorat pesh naheeN aayegee...
gazal me aaye kuch alfaazoN ke mutaaliq mai kuch khulaasaa karnaa chaahatee hooN....
1-lafz gumgashtagee hee hai jiskaa matlab hai raah bhool janaa ya bhatkaav
2-wuslat=milan yahaaN wuslatoN aayaa hai jo wuslat ka jamaa hai


Quote from: mamta bajpai on September 14, 2010, 05:34:10 PM
Zidd Saaheb,
            puraani kisi film kaa ek geet thaa.......
tere pyaar ne mujhe gham diyaa ,mere gham kee umra daraaz ho...
isee geet kee dhun par maabni hai humaaree ye gazal.......
aap ek baar zaroor gungunaa kar dekh leN aap kee ye nai koshish bahar se khaariz ho rahee hai...maafee chaahooNgee...aap ne jo tabdeelee kee hai...use gaane me maatraa kat-tee hai...guzaarish hai aap ek nazar dekh leN.....ab gardan meree haazir hai janaab.....gustaakhee maaf...

Mamta Bajpai

Mamta jiii....namaskar

shabdo par apki pakad ke liye daad or sath me badhaiii ki mithai kubool ho...
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zidd
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«Reply #26 on: September 15, 2010, 07:46:30 AM »
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Quote from: .adeeb on September 14, 2010, 07:04:47 PM
Janab Zidd sahab adaab. Aapne Mamta ji ki is takhleeq ki islaah karne ki achhi koshish ki hai magar kai misre ab bhi beher se kharij hain. Misaal ke taur par ek misra dekhen:

teri furqaton hi me kaT gayi meri taawe.l_umr ae humnashi
(Lafz taweel(lambi) to maloom hai lekin taawe.l maloom nahi. Shayad aapne taawe.l ke LAAM ka umr ke AIN se wasl kiya hai jo jayaz nahi hai. )

Is misre ki ek mumkina surat ye ho sakti hai:-
Mere hamnashi meri umr ye teri furqaton hi me kat gai

Ye ek mushkil beher zaroor hai lekin rare nahi, bahot se shayr istemaal karte aaye hain. Bashir Badr sahab ka ye sher yaad aa gaya:

Koi haath bhi na milaayega, jo galey miloge tapaak se
Ye naye mizaaj ka shahr hai, zara faslon se mila karo

Sama kharaashi ke liye aur bura laga ho to uske liye aapse aur Mamta ji se mazratkhwah hun.

adeeb sahab....aadaaab...
bus zara sa baat alag dhang se kahunga ki maine koi kisi ki bhi islaah karne ki koshish nahi ki...sach poocho to maine mere liye kiya ....

magar ek baat samjh nahi aayi sahab...aap jise najayaz kah rahe hai ,uski to hazaaro misaal hai..?
jaise

tang aa = taN.g_aa==tang aa gaye hai kashmakashe ( sahil lud.)
sanam akhir = sa na ma._aa khir==sanam aakhir khuda nahi hota( momin)
akhir is = aa khi r_is =akhir is dard ki dawa (ghalib)

aur to aur
ye dekhiye ghalib sahab ne kaise nibhaya hai meter

agar aur = a / ga / r_au / r !!!!!!!
'agar' me 'gar' ke ek single takte ko hi ToD diya !!!

phir...taa / we / l_um / r...kyu nahi ho sakta? aise kyu nahi TooT sakta akhir?
mere khayaal me mamta sahibaa ne waha sahi todaa hai.

aapse request hai ki aap zarur roshni daale ...

aur bhi kahi meter par aitraaz ho agar to sahab us misre ko saamne laaiye...jaisa aapne ishara kiya hai ki kai jagah hai aib
akhir kuch seekhne hi ke liye  aapke darbaar me hazir huye hai..

aapka bahut bahut dhanywaad jo aapne mere liye mehnat ki...
itna bhi kaun karta hai aaj kal...
aapka teh e dil se shukriya aur request ki jaha itna waqt de diya aapne is baat ko ab mujhe poori tarah samjha dijiye..
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #27 on: September 15, 2010, 09:08:57 AM »
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Naresh jee ,
            Namaskaar,
                      Aap ki saraahana ke liye shataadhik dhanyawaad!kisee kee bhee lekhni ke vaibhav ko aap jaise prasanshak hee samridh or sampann banaate haiN.aap ke utsaahvardhan ke liye hridaya se aabhaaree hooN.
Mamta Bajpai
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #28 on: September 15, 2010, 09:13:31 AM »
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Abhi jee,
         MuNh meethaa karaane ke liye behad shukriyaa.kaash keh shabd insaan hote...hahahaha......just jocking.......
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #29 on: September 15, 2010, 09:16:24 AM »
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Quote from: zidd on September 15, 2010, 06:48:42 AM
areee ram ram ram ram...tauba tauba
ye kaisi baat kar rahin hai aap?
ab shayraa ki bhi kahi gardan kaTti hai?....maare to sirf shayar jaate hai...
chaaku kharbujaa par maaro ya kharbujaa chaku par...kaTega to kharbujaa hi....gardan to hamaari hi jayegi matlab

ab aate hai aapji dhun par...so maine ye gana suna nahi....magar aapne kaha purana gana hai matlab koi slow dhun hogi...ab slow dhun me aisa kabhi kabhi ho jata hai...ke sakit - > mutharik and vice versa.kyuki gaate huye awaaz modulate ho jaati hai singer ke hisaab se. mere khayaal se tarannum se accha tarika hai tahat me fast adaa karna ( magar yaha problem ye ki first misra perfect hona chaiye aur practice ki bhi zarurat hai)....magar jisko jaisa suit kare....magar phir bhi agar koi fast song koi choose kare to shayad natijaa behtar ho...

is ghazal ka beher  ke kuch examples hai
=kabhi aah lab si nikal gayi kabhi askh ankho se dhal gaye
jo zara fast hai...aur ek naya sa song hai...relatively
=mai khayaal hu kisi aur ka mujhe sochta koi aur hai

ek baat phir se stress karta hu...maine kisi ka koi correction nahi kiya.....meri koi aukaat nahi aisa karne ki....
sirf khana puri ki hai....ab usme jo aib hai koi ustaad shohra batayenge...jabhi to ye silsila agee badega....aur unke jo aib hai dusre ustaad batayenge...aise hi silsila hum sab ke seekhne ka agee badta hai.
umeed hai ye site aisi hi hai....

regards


Zidd Saaheb,
            shairaa hone kaa kuch to faaida milaa.gardan jaane kaa dar naheeN.waise aap ne jo tahat me ada karne kee baat kahee hai to uske liye mujhe kisi ustad shaayar se milnaa hogaa. jo mere liye mumkin naheeN.vajah ye keh aas paas koi naheeN.koshish karooNgee..filwaqt to ek hee zariya hai gazal ko bahar me likhne kaa...

mamta bajpai
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