Mujhe aabaloN kaa hee shouq tha.................Mamta Bajpai

aji mamta jiii...ham to ye jante he shabda meethe hona chahiye mithaiyan feeki pad jati he~

Janab Zidd sahab aapne wasl ki jo misalein pesh ki hain wo sab sahi hain. In sab mein kisi haroof ka ALIF se wasl hua hai. Lekin aapne taawe.l ka umr se jo wasl kiya tha wo ghalat hai kyonke LAAM ka wasl AIN se nahi ho sakta. Aap chahen to apne kisi senior shayar se tasdeeq kara lijiye. Meri baat buri lagi ho to mazrat khwah hun. Shukriya.

Janab Ghayel sahab agar koi mehmaan koi sahi baat kahe to kya aapki nazar mein wo bhi ghalat hai. Mere comments se na to Mamta ji ko etraaz hai na Zidd sahab ko phir aapko kyon etraaz hai. Zidd sahab to baqayeda mere comment ka reply bhi de rahe hain. Koi guest ho ya member isse kya farq parta hai. Agar koi sahi baat kahe to ghaur karna chahiye. Yahan kai saare guests tareefi comments karte hain jin par koi etraaz nahi karta isliye guest ki sahi tanqeed par bhi ghaur karna chahiye. Agar aap memhmano itne mutanaffir hain to inke comments dene ka option band karwa dijiye. Shukriya.

Mohtaram Janab Zidd Saheb! Aadaab !

Yeh dekhkar intehaayee khushi haasil hui k aap naye sher kahne waalon ki hausla-afzaayee ke saath saath unke kalaamoN per islaah bhi kar ke dete hain. Aaj hi main aapki islaah shudah Mohtarma Mamta Bajpai Sahiba ki ghazal se ru-ba-ru hua to ye dekh kar hairaani ki inteha na rahi ki aapne jo islaah ki hai wo to islaah ke zumre mein hi nahin aati hai. Islaah karma kaare-nek hai aur is nek kaam se naye shaayaron ko beshak faiz pahunchta hai lekin agar ghalat rahnumaayee ki jaayegi to phir neki ki jagah badi hi haath lagegi. Aap ne Mohtarma Mamta Bajpai Sahiba ki ghazal ki jis bahr mein islaah ki hai uske arkaan hain:

Mutafaailun…..Mutafaailun…..Mutafaailun…..Mutafaailun

Aap se moaddabaana iltemaas hai ki is haqeer se koi gustaakhi ho jaaye to use darguzar kijiyega. Aapki dilaazaari mera maqsad qattayee nahin hai bas aapki islaah dekhne ke baad naacheez se raha na gaya aur bandah apni kuchh arzdaasht aapke peshe-nazar rakh raha hai is yaqeen k saath ki aap iska bura nahin maanege. Aap ne Mamta Sahiba ki ghazal ki jo islaah ki hai us pe ik nazar daalte hain:

Sher No. 1:Mujhe aablon hi ka shauq tha koi raaston se gila nahin
      Ga.ma_e.gastagi hi azeem thi mujhe rahbaron se gila nahin

Micra saani mein “Ga.ma_e.gastagi” kya cheez hai ye mujh jaise kamaql ki samajh se baalatar hai phir yeh ki “Ga.ma_e.gastagi” bhi to janab bahr mein nahin hai.

Sher No. 2:Ye hai raat lambi udaas or meri palke bhi kuchh hai shabnami
      K bedaariyan hi pasand thi vo khumaariyon se gila nahin

Ab aap zara micra oola ki aakhri alfaazon par ghaur kijiye to paayenge ki “bhi kuchh hai shabnami” to khaarij-az-bahr hai. Aap waahid aur jama ka khayaal rakh sakte the. “palke bhi kuchh hai” ki jagah “palken bhi kuchh hain” hona chaahiye aur micra saani dekhne par pata chala ki “bedaariyan” to MUSTAFILUN ke wazn par bandha jaata hai jise aapne MAFAILUN ke wazn par baandha hai aur jab aap bedaariyan kah rahe hain to phir “pasand thi” nahin “pasand theen” hona chaahiye. Aur agar arooz ke ru se dekha jaaye to “k bdaariyan” bahr se khaarij hai.

Sher No. 3:Teri furqaton hi mein kat gayee meri taawel umr ai humnasheen
      Mujhe faasle hi azeez the kisi Wusalaton se gila nahin

Yahan “meri taawel umr” ko kis tarah se aap bahr mein le aaye bandah samajhne se qaasir hai aur phir “taawel” kya hota hai. Hum ne taweel ba-maana lambi ye baRi ke paRha aur jaana hai. Aapne Janab .Adeeb ki post ke reply mein “taawel umr” ko wasl kah kar is hawaale se kayee micaalen pesh ki hain magar mujh jaise kamaql ko yahan wasl kahin bhi nazar nahin aa raha hai. Laaiq Ehtaram UstaadoN ne “alif” se wasl ko jaaez maana hai na ki “ain” se. Aap ne wusalaton ko sahi maana hai magar is lafz ke kya maana hote hain is haqeer bande ko nahin maaloom hai. Meri aap se guzaarish hai ki aap iske maane bata den to mujh jaise kamfahm ke ilm mein izaafa ho jaaye.

Sher No. 4:Ye jo zakhm mere jigar mein hai use kyun nahin tu kuredta
      Mujhe zakhm mere azeem hai teri raahaton se gila nahin

Is sher ke micra-saani par ghaur farmaayen jahan aapne “mujhe zakhm mere azeem hai” islaah kiya hai. Yahan bhi waahid aur jama ka dhyaan aapne nahin diya. “Azeem hai” ki jagah to “Azeem hain” hona chaahiye janab.

Sher No. 5:Mujhe thokaren abhi aur do ke ye jaan jism mein hai abhi
      Teri nafraten hi naseeb thi teri chaahaton se gila nahin

Bandahparwar! Ab is sher mein bhi wahi baat hai jo chauthe sher main hai. Yahan aapne “teri nafraten hi naseeb thi” ki islaah ki hai jise “tiri nafraten hi naseeb theen” yaani jama ke seghe mein hona chaahiye.

Mundarja-baala haqaaiq ko maddenazar rakhte hue ye kahna paRega ki agar isi tarah ki islaah hoti rahi to phir ho chuki shaayri. Aap khud ko bhale hi ustaad na kahte hon lekin mundarja-baala islaah karke khud ko ustaad zahir karne ki aapne koshish zaroor ki hai.  Aap se guzarish hai ke aap islaah kijiye to sahi islaah kijiye, jis tarah ki islaah aapne kiya hai is se gurez kijiye. Aur, aakhir meiN aap se phir ye arz karne ki zarurat mehsoos karta hooN ke aap ise bilkul dilaazaari nahin samajhiyega aur khaaksaar se koi ghalati ho gayi ho to use maaf kijiyega.

Aapka khairkhwaah!

(Waquif Ansari)

Mohtaram Janab Zidd Saheb! Aadaab !

mohteram janaab waquif sahab ...aadaab

Yeh dekhkar intehaayee khushi haasil hui k aap naye sher kahne waalon ki hausla-afzaayee ke saath saath unke kalaamoN per islaah bhi kar ke dete hain.

bhai koshish karte hai ki waqt mile to kuch dosto ka hausla badaya jaaye...karz chuka raha hu sirf..kyuki mera hausla bhi in logo ne hi badaya hai
jaha tak islaah ki baat hai mai apne aapko is qaabil samjhta hi nahi...beherbandi ki koshish karna mere hisaab se koi islah na huii



 Aaj hi main aapki islaah shudah Mohtarma Mamta Bajpai Sahiba ki ghazal se ru-ba-ru hua to ye dekh kar hairaani ki inteha na rahi ki aapne jo islaah ki hai wo to islaah ke zumre mein hi nahin aati hai.

bhai apko itna hyraan kar diya maine ...mujhe apke liye khud afsoos huaa...
mera iraada aapko pareshaani me daalne ka nahi tha.mai to apko jaanta tak nahi..
bhai mazrat jo gair danistaa ye gustkhaki ho gayi...agee is site me kuch kahne se pahle apka khayaal rakhunga...ke apko meri wajah e agee koi pareshaani na ho

Islaah karma kaare-nek hai aur is nek kaam se naye shaayaron ko beshak faiz pahunchta hai lekin agar ghalat rahnumaayee ki jaayegi to phir neki ki jagah badi hi haath lagegi. Aap ne Mohtarma Mamta Bajpai Sahiba ki ghazal ki jis bahr mein islaah ki hai uske arkaan hain:

mai aapki is baat se ittefaq nahi rakhta

Mutafaailun…..Mutafaailun…..Mutafaailun…..Mutafaailun

jee sahi hai...shayad digital me likhne se jo ehbab ise pad rahe hai unka aur faida ho...kyuki is tarah se wazn batana sabko samjh nahi aata so...
11212 / 11212 / 11212 / 11212

Aap se moaddabaana iltemaas hai ki is haqeer se koi gustaakhi ho jaaye to use darguzar kijiyega. Aapki dilaazaari mera maqsad qattayee nahin hai bas aapki islaah dekhne ke baad naacheez se raha na gaya aur bandah apni kuchh arzdaasht aapke peshe-nazar rakh raha hai is yaqeen k saath ki aap iska bura nahin maanege.

mujhe pata hai sahab..aap ek bhale insaan hai...bhala aisa kyu karenge...?

 Aap ne Mamta Sahiba ki ghazal ki jo islaah ki hai us pe ik nazar daalte hain:

jee hazur

Sher No. 1:Mujhe aablon hi ka shauq tha koi raaston se gila nahin
      Ga.ma_e.gastagi hi azeem thi mujhe rahbaron se gila nahin

Micra saani mein “Ga.ma_e.gastagi” kya cheez hai ye mujh jaise kamaql ki samajh se baalatar hai phir yeh ki “Ga.ma_e.gastagi” bhi to janab bahr mein nahin hai.

jee sahab...ye ga.ma_e.gastagi nahi hai...aapne galat pada hai
maine'game gasthagi' kaha hai...so ye meter me hai

ga me gas ta gi= 11212

maine pahle bhi kaha hai maine islah nahi ki ...sirf beherbandi ki hai...
islah ka matlab hai alternatives batana...maine jo original alfaaz istemaal huye hai usi se haasil  milta julta alfaaz nikalana hai
aur ye meter me kaise nahi hai ye agar mujhe aap bata den to mere bhi ilm agee bade

Sher No. 2:Ye hai raat lambi udaas or meri palke bhi kuchh hai shabnami
      K bedaariyan hi pasand thi vo khumaariyon se gila nahin

Ab aap zara micra oola ki aakhri alfaazon par ghaur kijiye to paayenge ki “bhi kuchh hai shabnami” to khaarij-az-bahr hai.
 
apko scanning bata deta hu..aapko aise adaa karna hai

ku.chai shabnami =ku 1/ chai 1 / shab 2 / na 1 / mi 2=11212

adaa hone se matlab hai ( ek aur explanation isse related aap adeeb sahab ke reply me dekh sakte hai)

ab aap ye kahenge ki chai ka wazn 1 kaise ...2 kyu nai?

to vo aise= / mai x / hai x/ ...is lihaaj se c.hai bhi x ( x=flexible)

ab aap kahenge ki aisa nahi ho sakta..do sound kaise milaya?
to yaha jo case hai usme 'ch' aur 'h' ,fortunately dono sound ka sequential addition hai ...mixing nahi...so adaa ho raha hai..ye baat aap kisi singer se pooch sakte hai

Aap waahid aur jama ka khayaal rakh sakte the. “palke bhi kuchh hai” ki jagah “palken bhi kuchh hain” hona chaahiye aur micra saani dekhne par pata chala ki

jee ..roman hindi editor ke hisaab se nahi likha...ye to log apne aap hi samajh lete hai...haa, agar pata hota ki naqqadi ho jayegi to shayad roman editor me zarur koshish karta...phir shayad apko shikayat na hoti
 

“bedaariyan” to MUSTAFILUN ke wazn par bandha jaata hai jise aapne MAFAILUN ke wazn par baandha hai aur jab aap bedaariyan kah rahe hain

be 1 / daa 2 / ri 1 / yaa 2....kaise galat hai sahab?
agar apka aitraaz 'be' ko chota karne kahai...agar yahi hai to saikdo misaal mai de dunga jaha 'be'chota bandha hai...agar ye aitraaz nahi to kya ho sakta hai mere samjh ke bahar hai


to phir “pasand thi” nahin “pasand theen” hona chaahiye. Aur agar arooz ke ru se dekha jaaye to “k bdaariyan” bahr se khaarij hai.

maine upar dono point apke explain kar diye hai..roman editor wala bhi lihaaje beher bhi

Sher No. 3:Teri furqaton hi mein kat gayee meri taawel umr ai humnasheen
      Mujhe faasle hi azeez the kisi Wusalaton se gila nahin

Yahan “meri taawel umr” ko kis tarah se aap bahr mein le aaye bandah samajhne se qaasir hai aur phir “taawel” kya hota hai.

iska jawaab maine upar ke ek reply adeeb sahab ke jo naam hai usme kar diya hai

jaha tak mujhe pata hai roman editor ke hisaab se kuch nahi hota...
magar jab taa / we / lum / r haasil kiya jab 'we' ka wazn chota ho gaya .yaani wazn succeed kar gay 'lum' par...jaise
gam ka wazn 2 hai magar 'gam e ' ka wazn hai 1x...yaha gam ka wazn succeed kar gaya hai..



Hum ne taweel ba-maana lambi ye baRi ke paRha aur jaana hai.

jee hamne bhi yahi jana hai

 Aapne Janab .Adeeb ki post ke reply mein “taawel umr” ko wasl kah kar is hawaale se kayee micaalen pesh ki hain magar mujh jaise kamaql ko yahan wasl kahin bhi nazar nahin aa raha hai. Laaiq Ehtaram UstaadoN ne “alif” se wasl ko jaaez maana hai na ki “ain” se.

maine mere khayaalaat unke reply me pesh kiye hai....


Aap ne wusalaton ko sahi maana hai magar is lafz ke kya maana hote hain is haqeer bande ko nahin maaloom hai. Meri aap se guzaarish hai ki aap iske maane bata den to mujh jaise kamfahm ke ilm mein izaafa ho jaaye.

jo apka hukm sahab...
iska matlab mujhe bhi nahi pata...aur dictionery me bhi nahi
magar agar kisine likha hai to use benefit of doubt dena hi hoga ...kya pata usne kaha se haasil kiya ho? dictionery me to 'ik' lafz bhi darj nahi hai...magar 'ik' hota to hai na?

agar aap gaur kare to waha do suurate darj hai..
ek surat me benefit of doubt dete huye 'wusalaton' se wazn bandha...
magar mera aitraaz batane ke liye agar aap gaur kare to maine inverted comma laga diya us lafz ke upar
LEKIN
dil nahi mana isliye ek aur suurat darj ki theek uske neeche
shayad aapne dekhi nahi....aur tawwel umr par bhi aitraaz ho sakta tha isiliye uske neeche ek aur surat darj ki...kyuki jab shayra ne banaya hai to uski respect to karni hi hogi specially jab vo adaa bhi ho raha ho !!!!
aap yakeen jainye vo misra sunate huye atkega nahi bhale ALIF ki jagha AIN khada ho


Sher No. 4:Ye jo zakhm mere jigar mein hai use kyun nahin tu kuredta
      Mujhe zakhm mere azeem hai teri raahaton se gila nahin

Is sher ke micra-saani par ghaur farmaayen jahan aapne “mujhe zakhm mere azeem hai” islaah kiya hai. Yahan bhi waahid aur jama ka dhyaan aapne nahin diya. “Azeem hai” ki jagah to “Azeem hain” hona chaahiye janab.


sabse badi baat ye ke.....
ye sher jyo ka tyo shayra ka hai....jaise likha tha waisa hi hai shayra ne...kyuki iske meter par mujhe koi aitraaz nahi tha......haan maine rewrite karne me shayad riman editor ka khayaal na kiya ....magar maine dekha ki yaha koi nahi karta aur sach poocho to mujhe aadat bhi nahi

Sher No. 5:Mujhe thokaren abhi aur do ke ye jaan jism mein hai abhi
      Teri nafraten hi naseeb thi teri chaahaton se gila nahin

Bandahparwar! Ab is sher mein bhi wahi baat hai jo chauthe sher main hai. Yahan aapne “teri nafraten hi naseeb thi” ki islaah ki hai jise “tiri nafraten hi naseeb theen” yaani jama ke seghe mein hona chaahiye.

aap ek roman editor na follow karne ka gana gaate hi jaa rahe hai ?...zarur aap ek acche singer honge..hhahahahahhahaahah...kya apko nahi lagta hai ye singular /plural ka farq yaha bacche ko bhi pata hoga?


Mundarja-baala haqaaiq ko maddenazar rakhte hue ye kahna paRega ki agar isi tarah ki islaah hoti rahi to phir ho chuki shaayri.

wapas dohrata hu ki maine koi islah nahi ki...
maine ek suurat rakhi ...apko vo nagawaar hai...
aap free hai correction karne ke liye...apko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai
sahi to ye ki aapko mamtaji se mukhatib hote huye apni baat rakhni chaiye thi..unke ghazal par aapke khayaal pesh karke....mujhe apne aap mere aib dikh jaate....magar aapne ye rasta nahi chuna ..wajah aap hi jaante honge...


Aap khud ko bhale hi ustaad na kahte hon lekin mundarja-baala islaah karke khud ko ustaad zahir karne ki aapne koshish zaroor ki hai.  

hmmmm.....
to ye hai dukhti rag
bhai muaf kijega....pata nahi tha ki yaha beherbandi karne jaisi aur khanapuri karne jaisi mamuli cheezo se ustaadi jhalakti hai.....
mere nazar me ustaad ka definition kuch aur hai....
jee ...theek hai...aap ki baat yaad rakhunga
aainda aisi gusthaki nahi hogi sahab
pahli galti ki to muafi mil hi jaati hai ...nahi?
so aap bhi gussa thook dijiye


Aap se guzarish hai ke aap islaah kijiye to sahi islaah kijiye, jis tarah ki islaah aapne kiya hai is se gurez kijiye.

maine tabadla e khayaal ka haq to kisise cheena nahi?
phir ye baat kaha tak applicable hai?

 Aur, aakhir meiN aap se phir ye arz karne ki zarurat mehsoos karta hooN ke aap ise bilkul dilaazaari nahin samajhiyega aur khaaksaar se koi ghalati ho gayi ho to use maaf kijiyega.

aree nahi sahab......dil kya dukhega?....
sirf shayro ke paas dil hota hai tudwaane ke liye....
ham to kagaz kala karne wale log hai...hamaare paas dil kaha?
aap befikr rahiye.....

Aapka khairkhwaah!

regards

(Waquif Ansari)

ps: ek baat aur sahab...
itne lambe khat me aapne sirf do jagah wazn ki baat ki
1]bedariya par
2]taweel umr par

to itni saari baat karne ka kya maqsad tha sahab...?
bade khat se kya kisi ki (supposed) galtiyaa badi ho jayenge? yaa aisa zahir hoga? ya yahi maqsad tha? jyada se jyada keechad uchaalo?

yehi 2 wazn ke hisaab se aitraaz the aapke to aap sirf do suurat darj kar dete?
saamne waale ko pata chal jata?
aap bhi benefit of doubt dete?..itna sakht lahza use karne ki jya zarurat thi?
sirf ek line ke discussion ke liye?
is ghazal ke ashaar ki fikr to bahut umdah hai....bus beher ka chota sa masala tha...so maine koshish ki...kya gunaah kar diya?agar apko vo DO JAGAH  par aitraaz hai to aap apke hisaab se sahi surat bata dijiye...( haa bina koi lafz badle)...
aur koshish meri practice ke liye ki....kya gunaah kiya?
aapko personal attack karne ki kya zarurat aan padi?
aap kalaam par baat kijiye....hum jawaab denge ..phir aap jawaab dijiye...aapse hum kuch sekhenge....ye silsila hai...seekhne ka .....
magar personal ho jana? ye kaha ka kayda hai?

Janaab Zidd sahab adaab. Aapki mundarjabala tehreeron ko padhkar main is natije par pahuncha hun ke ab mazeed tabadla-e-khayal se koi faiz haasil na hoga. Aisa mehsoos hota hai ke  aapne urdu shayari ke apne hi kuchh rules eejaad kar liye hain jo mere liye naaqabil-e-qubool hain. Ab aur sawaal jawaab se koi faayeda nahi kyonke hamaare platforms hi alag-alag hain. Aap bekhudi ke ‘be’ ko gira sakte hain, taweel ko taawel kar sakte hain lekin hum nahi. Urdu shayari ke rules ke mutabiq beher mein lane ke liye koi haroof girane ka ek mustaqil tariqa hai, har jagah har haroof nahi giraya jaa sakta, lekin aapke yahan jahan chahen gira sakte hain. Aap ‘LAM’ ka wasl ‘AIN’ ke saath kar sakte hain kyonke aapke liye AIN aur ALIF mein koi farq nahi. Behrbandi ke liye aap urdu ke alfaaz ka wazn romanized text ke hisaab se karte hain, hum urdu alphabets ke hisaab se. Zahir hai aise haalaat mein mazeed bahas se waqt ki barbadi ke siwa kuchh hasil na hoga kyonke na aap meri baat maanne wale hain na main aapki. Isliye is muaamle ko yahin khatm kar  diya jaaye to behtar hoga.

 Janaab Parwaaz sahab adaab, aapki baat qabil-e-qadr hai lekin mujhe ye to bataaiye ke main maafi kis ghalati ki maangu. Maine koi ghalat baat kahi ho to aap batayen, main zaroor maafi maang lunga. Wo aapke ustaad hain, main unka ehtraam karta hun. Mujhe aap unke baazu mein hi baitha hua samajhye, unse meri koi adaawat to nahi hai. Vichardhara mein matbhed to ho hi jaaya karta hai. Hum sab ham-shouq bhi to hai.

Mujhe lagta hai Waquif saheb Adeeb saheb aur Zidd saheb ke beech bohat healthy discussion huye hai...........aur ab main yahi chahooga ke baat ko ek khushgawaar mod par khatam kiya jaye.

Hamari behas hamari dosti aur mohabbat ko aur mazboot kare, yeh hame aur nazdeek lane ka sabab bane. Aajkal aisa bohat kam hi dekhne ko milta hai jab urdu adab ki behtari ke liye koi itna zor shor se shirkat karta hai. Aur aap teeno ki isi koshish ko mera aur mehfil ke tamam members ka salam.

Allah aap teeno ko lambi umr aur achchi sehat se nawaze...AAMEEN.