----- /// Deewaaron se baatein karte hain /// -----

by klaskar on August 28, 2010, 08:28:43 PM
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chhup chhup ke aansoo bahaate hain,
hum deewaron se baatein karte hain,
tasveer kisi ki seene se laga ke
hum tanhaayi me aahen bharte hain,

bas band kamre me band rehke hum,
us tasveer se baatein karte hain,
koi humein deewaana na keh de,
hum khudko chhupaate firte hain,

dhuan dhuan hai zindagi meri ab,
hum dhuyen ka kash lagaate hain,
us aag se dil ko jalaate hain,
aur dhuyen me ghum ko udaate hain,

pata hai sharaab buri bala hai,
hum usi ko hothon se lagaate hain,
sach kya hai bas humko pataa hai,
par humein log sharaabi kehte hain,

chitthiyaan puraani lifaafon me the,
hum ab unko nikaala karte hain,
hum un kaagaz ke panno me,
kisi ka chehra dhunda karte hain,

takiye ko lagaake seene se,
hum sone ki koshish karte hain,
aansuon se usko gila karke,
raaton ko jaaga karte hain,

tanha akele kamre mein hum,
khud se hi baatein karte hain,
tasveer kisi ki seene se laga ke,
hum deewaaron ko dekha karte hain,

jasbaaton ko shabdon me sajaake,
hum ghazal banaaya karte hain,
hamaare dard ko geet samajhke,
log taaliyan bajaaya karte hain...


*****HRIDAY*****
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«Reply #1 on: August 28, 2010, 08:42:13 PM »
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ab taaliyan to nahin baja sakti aapke is dard bhare peshkash pe.....to ab kya karun bolo....

kuch ratein wo bhi hoti hain
jab chaat pe chale jate hain
chaand ko dhundhte hain baadal me
aur use apne kisse sunate hain

aur wo bhi shaamein aati hai jab
hum ghar se kuch lene nikalte hain
baith jate hain uss chorahe par
aur tera raasta takte rehte hain

aaoge tum kabhi to tum paas mere
hum yehi duaein rub se karte hai
na aao to bhi koi baat nahin
bas iss baat se dil ko behlaya karte hain...
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Mashhur Shayar
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kalam k chalne ko zamaana paagalpan samajhta hai.

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«Reply #2 on: August 28, 2010, 08:56:01 PM »
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kya kahenge... bas itna hi bata dijiye ki pasand aaya ki nahi aapko... kuch alag likhne ki koshish ki hai humne...

waise aapka jawaab bahut hi pyaara hai... aur bahut khoobsurti se likha hai... aur aapka jawaab padhke raha nahi gaya bas flow ban pada aur keyboard pe ungliyaan chal padi ek baar fir...

raatein jab chaandni hoti hai,
hum khidki se jhaanka karte hain,
aasmaan ke us chaand me hum,
apne chaand ko dhundaa karte hain,

taaron se saji hai raat magar,
tum bin hum to tanha hain,
kis kaam ki chaandni hai, jab
dur humse hamaari chandaa hai,

un raahon pe ab hum na milenge,
wo chauraahe ab anjaane hain,
shahar tumhaara chhod chuke hain,
wo galiyaan lage puraane hain,

lehron me saagar ke beh rahe hain,
na kashti hai, na koi kinara hai,
bheed me bhi hum tanhaa hai,
na saathi hai, na koi sahaara hai...
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #3 on: August 28, 2010, 09:54:59 PM »
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Klaskar Jee Aadab!

Aapki yeh rachna aapke kitne kareeb hai yeh to hume nahi pata per hume aisa laga ke aapki yeh racha meiN humari hi tasveer khinchi gayi hai...... Bahut khoob.... behad dil ke kareeb rahi aapki yeh rachna..... Dil ki gehrai se daad,

[color-=maroon]Apni BbarbadiyoN ka aisa maatam hai
Shamil mere sath dard aur gham hai

Yaad karta huN tujhko bhulne ke dar se
Zakham aaj bhi is dil ke pur nam hai

MaiN Is qadar nasheN meiN kho kar bhi
Lagta hai har paimane pe nasha kam hai


Kask Jee Aapne bhi bahut khoob kaha hai....
Aapki yeh first creation hai jis per dil se daad de rahe hai..
Bahut achcha likha hai aapne.....

 
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Rajesh Harish
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«Reply #4 on: August 28, 2010, 10:39:11 PM »
Reply with quote
Quote from: klaskar on August 28, 2010, 08:28:43 PM

chhup chhup ke aansoo bahaate hain,
hum deewaron se baatein karte hain,
tasveer kisi ki seene se laga ke
hum tanhaayi me aahen bharte hain,

bas band kamre me band rehke hum,
us tasveer se baatein karte hain,
koi humein deewaana na keh de,
hum khudko chhupaate firte hain,

dhuan dhuan hai zindagi meri ab,
hum dhuyen ka kash lagaate hain,
us aag se dil ko jalaate hain,
aur dhuyen me ghum ko udaate hain,

pata hai sharaab buri bala hai,
hum usi ko hothon se lagaate hain,
sach kya hai bas humko pataa hai,
par humein log sharaabi kehte hain,

chitthiyaan puraani lifaafon me the,
hum ab unko nikaala karte hain,
hum un kaagaz ke panno me,
kisi ka chehra dhunda karte hain,

takiye ko lagaake seene se,
hum sone ki koshish karte hain,
aansuon se usko gila karke,
raaton ko jaaga karte hain,

tanha akele kamre mein hum,
khud se hi baatein karte hain,
tasveer kisi ki seene se laga ke,
hum deewaaron ko dekha karte hain,

jasbaaton ko shabdon me sajaake,
hum ghazal banaaya karte hain,
hamaare dard ko geet samajhke,
log taaliyan bajaaya karte hain...


*****HRIDAY*****

Bahut khoob Kapil
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Rajesh Harish
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«Reply #5 on: August 28, 2010, 10:40:06 PM »
Reply with quote
Quote from: *KasaK*....Dil Ki on August 28, 2010, 08:42:13 PM
ab taaliyan to nahin baja sakti aapke is dard bhare peshkash pe.....to ab kya karun bolo....

kuch ratein wo bhi hoti hain
jab chaat pe chale jate hain
chaand ko dhundhte hain baadal me
aur use apne kisse sunate hain

aur wo bhi shaamein aati hai jab
hum ghar se kuch lene nikalte hain
baith jate hain uss chorahe par
aur tera raasta takte rehte hain

aaoge tum kabhi to tum paas mere
hum yehi duaein rub se karte hai
na aao to bhi koi baat nahin
bas iss baat se dil ko behlaya karte hain...


Equally wonderful response Anamika Ji
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dead heart
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«Reply #6 on: August 29, 2010, 08:12:11 AM »
Reply with quote
Quote from: klaskar on August 28, 2010, 08:28:43 PM

chhup chhup ke aansoo bahaate hain,
hum deewaron se baatein karte hain,
tasveer kisi ki seene se laga ke
hum tanhaayi me aahen bharte hain,

bas band kamre me band rehke hum,
us tasveer se baatein karte hain,
koi humein deewaana na keh de,
hum khudko chhupaate firte hain,

dhuan dhuan hai zindagi meri ab,
hum dhuyen ka kash lagaate hain,
us aag se dil ko jalaate hain,
aur dhuyen me ghum ko udaate hain,

pata hai sharaab buri bala hai,
hum usi ko hothon se lagaate hain,
sach kya hai bas humko pataa hai,
par humein log sharaabi kehte hain,

chitthiyaan puraani lifaafon me the,
hum ab unko nikaala karte hain,
hum un kaagaz ke panno me,
kisi ka chehra dhunda karte hain,

takiye ko lagaake seene se,
hum sone ki koshish karte hain,
aansuon se usko gila karke,
raaton ko jaaga karte hain,

tanha akele kamre mein hum,
khud se hi baatein karte hain,
tasveer kisi ki seene se laga ke,
hum deewaaron ko dekha karte hain,

jasbaaton ko shabdon me sajaake,
hum ghazal banaaya karte hain,
hamaare dard ko geet samajhke,
log taaliyan bajaaya karte hain...


*****HRIDAY*****
Kapil Dost, dil choo liya apne..Ek nayi tarikke se likha hai apne jo bahaut zada khubsoorat hai..Kuch lines toh itni achi lagi kay dil main rehgayi..Kuch lines mere halat bayan karti hai..bahaut zada khubsoorat..Teh dil se daad hazirrrrrrr hai Dost..
 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley

Quote from: klaskar on August 28, 2010, 08:56:01 PM
kya kahenge... bas itna hi bata dijiye ki pasand aaya ki nahi aapko... kuch alag likhne ki koshish ki hai humne...

waise aapka jawaab bahut hi pyaara hai... aur bahut khoobsurti se likha hai... aur aapka jawaab padhke raha nahi gaya bas flow ban pada aur keyboard pe ungliyaan chal padi ek baar fir...

raatein jab chaandni hoti hai,
hum khidki se jhaanka karte hain,
aasmaan ke us chaand me hum,
apne chaand ko dhundaa karte hain,

taaron se saji hai raat magar,
tum bin hum to tanha hain,
kis kaam ki chaandni hai, jab
dur humse hamaari chandaa hai,

un raahon pe ab hum na milenge,
wo chauraahe ab anjaane hain,
shahar tumhaara chhod chuke hain,
wo galiyaan lage puraane hain,

lehron me saagar ke beh rahe hain,
na kashti hai, na koi kinara hai,
bheed me bhi hum tanhaa hai,
na saathi hai, na koi sahaara hai...

 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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dead heart
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«Reply #7 on: August 29, 2010, 08:12:55 AM »
Reply with quote
Quote from: *KasaK*....Dil Ki on August 28, 2010, 08:42:13 PM
ab taaliyan to nahin baja sakti aapke is dard bhare peshkash pe.....to ab kya karun bolo....

kuch ratein wo bhi hoti hain
jab chaat pe chale jate hain
chaand ko dhundhte hain baadal me
aur use apne kisse sunate hain

aur wo bhi shaamein aati hai jab
hum ghar se kuch lene nikalte hain
baith jate hain uss chorahe par
aur tera raasta takte rehte hain

aaoge tum kabhi to tum paas mere
hum yehi duaein rub se karte hai
na aao to bhi koi baat nahin
bas iss baat se dil ko behlaya karte hain...

Great response Anamika di..!
 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley
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dead heart
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«Reply #8 on: August 29, 2010, 08:14:29 AM »
Reply with quote
Quote from: ParwaaZ on August 28, 2010, 09:54:59 PM
[color-=maroon]Apni BbarbadiyoN ka aisa maatam hai
Shamil mere sath dard aur gham hai

Yaad karta huN tujhko bhulne ke dar se
Zakham aaj bhi is dil ke pur nam hai

MaiN Is qadar nasheN meiN kho kar bhi
Lagta hai har paimane pe nasha kam hai

 [/color]


Nice lines Parwaaz jee.! Applause Applause Applause
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nazar.ghouri
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«Reply #9 on: August 29, 2010, 03:34:05 PM »
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chittiyaan puraani lifafaon main the......yeh bandd bahut umd alaga janaab ,bahoot khob khass kar iss bandd pe daad hi daad.
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Umda Shayar
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Rau: 19
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Posts: 5603
Member Since: Jun 2010


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«Reply #10 on: August 29, 2010, 06:10:25 PM »
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Quote from: klaskar on August 28, 2010, 08:56:01 PM
kya kahenge... bas itna hi bata dijiye ki pasand aaya ki nahi aapko... kuch alag likhne ki koshish ki hai humne...

waise aapka jawaab bahut hi pyaara hai... aur bahut khoobsurti se likha hai... aur aapka jawaab padhke raha nahi gaya bas flow ban pada aur keyboard pe ungliyaan chal padi ek baar fir...

raatein jab chaandni hoti hai,
hum khidki se jhaanka karte hain,
aasmaan ke us chaand me hum,
apne chaand ko dhundaa karte hain,

taaron se saji hai raat magar,
tum bin hum to tanha hain,
kis kaam ki chaandni hai, jab
dur humse hamaari chandaa hai,

un raahon pe ab hum na milenge,
wo chauraahe ab anjaane hain,
shahar tumhaara chhod chuke hain,
wo galiyaan lage puraane hain,

lehron me saagar ke beh rahe hain,
na kashti hai, na koi kinara hai,
bheed me bhi hum tanhaa hai,
na saathi hai, na koi sahaara hai...

mindblowing reply kapil......

lijiye aapka jawab ready hai.....

Bas khoye khoye rehte hain
Na koi sangi saathi hamara hai
Ek bas teri yaadein hain
Yehi mere jine ka sahara hai

Halki halki barish ki boondein
Ab  humko chubha karti hain
Kabhi thi ye man ko bhaati
Ab dil jalaya karti hain

Hawa me udta pagal aanchal
Ab bhi tumhe bulaya karta hai
Thaam loge tum aakar isko
Ye hume dilasa deta rehta hai

Na tum ate ho na koi khabar tumhari
Hum bas raah takte rehte hain
Birha ki inn andheri raaton me
Ye tan man jhulsa karte hain…….
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Umda Shayar
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"I hv a prsnality wch evrybdy cn't handle

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«Reply #11 on: August 29, 2010, 06:12:44 PM »
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Quote from: ParwaaZ on August 28, 2010, 09:54:59 PM
Klaskar Jee Aadab!

Aapki yeh rachna aapke kitne kareeb hai yeh to hume nahi pata per hume aisa laga ke aapki yeh racha meiN humari hi tasveer khinchi gayi hai...... Bahut khoob.... behad dil ke kareeb rahi aapki yeh rachna..... Dil ki gehrai se daad,

[color-=maroon]Apni BbarbadiyoN ka aisa maatam hai
Shamil mere sath dard aur gham hai

Yaad karta huN tujhko bhulne ke dar se
Zakham aaj bhi is dil ke pur nam hai

MaiN Is qadar nasheN meiN kho kar bhi
Lagta hai har paimane pe nasha kam hai


Kask Jee Aapne bhi bahut khoob kaha hai....
Aapki yeh first creation hai jis per dil se daad de rahe hai..
Bahut achcha likha hai aapne.....

 


parwaz ji bht khushi hui aaj aapne kaha dil se daad......shukriya ji bht bht shukriya.... notworthy notworthy

aur aapne bht pyari lines likhi hain ...bht mast hain splt 2nd stanza...
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kalam k chalne ko zamaana paagalpan samajhta hai.

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«Reply #12 on: August 29, 2010, 06:25:25 PM »
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Thank you so much Kasak ji... aur bahut hi pyaara jawaab likha hai naapne... too good hai ji...

kuch koshish ki maine bhi likhne ki aapke lines ke jawaab me... ummeed hai aapko pasand aayegi...

aankhon me kuch sapne the,
wo tute khandar lagte hain,
ret ka mahal khada kiya tha,
ab baaloo ke dher lagte hain,

aaj bhi baadal garajte hain,
bin mausam bhi baraste hain,
tumhaari ek jhalak paane ko,
wo din raina taraste hain,

hawa me udte us aanchal ko,
hum mehsoos kiya karte hain,
par kadam aage badhaane ko,
jane hum kyun daraa karte hain,

ho tum tanha agar tanhaayi me,
to bheed me tanha hum bhi hain,
keh nahi paate hain tumse magar,
tumse aaj bhi mohabbat karte hain..
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~Hriday~
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Mashhur Shayar
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kalam k chalne ko zamaana paagalpan samajhta hai.

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«Reply #13 on: August 29, 2010, 06:54:39 PM »
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Aadaab Parwaaz ji....!!!

sabse pehle to main aapka dil se shukriya ada karna chaahunga ki aapne meri is kavita ko apna waqt diya, padha aur pasand kiya... bahut bahut shukriya janaab....!!!

ab aapke comment ke baare me kehna chahunga ki ye kavita mere kitne kareeb hain... kavita main bhi likhta hoon aur aap bhi likhte hain.. aur har likhne waala ye achchi tarha jaanta hai ki jab tak feel na aaye kavita nahi banti... agar meri ye kavita aapki tasveer banaati hai to jarur ye humse bhi kahin na kahin judi hogi tabhi likh paayen hain... varna shaayad na likh paate... kuch feelings aur kuch masala... yahi milaake kavita banti hai... is kavita me bhi yahi hai... kuch mere life ka sach aur kuch kahaani....

aur bahut khoobsurat lines likhe hain aapne.. bahut khoob sarkaar...!!!!

main apne hi barbaadiyon me dooba raha,
banne aur bikharne ka daur chalta raha,

bhool ke bhi na bhool paaye hain aaj tak,
tere yaadon ka ye silsila chalta raha...

khush rahen
muskuraate rahen

Quote from: ParwaaZ on August 28, 2010, 09:54:59 PM
Klaskar Jee Aadab!

Aapki yeh rachna aapke kitne kareeb hai yeh to hume nahi pata per hume aisa laga ke aapki yeh racha meiN humari hi tasveer khinchi gayi hai...... Bahut khoob.... behad dil ke kareeb rahi aapki yeh rachna..... Dil ki gehrai se daad,

[color-=maroon]Apni BbarbadiyoN ka aisa maatam hai
Shamil mere sath dard aur gham hai

Yaad karta huN tujhko bhulne ke dar se
Zakham aaj bhi is dil ke pur nam hai

MaiN Is qadar nasheN meiN kho kar bhi
Lagta hai har paimane pe nasha kam hai


Kask Jee Aapne bhi bahut khoob kaha hai....
Aapki yeh first creation hai jis per dil se daad de rahe hai..
Bahut achcha likha hai aapne.....

 
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #14 on: August 29, 2010, 07:42:39 PM »
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Klaskar Jee aapne sahi kaha hai,
par humne isi liye kaha ke ismeiN aapne kuch masala mix kiya ho per humare liye ismeiN koi masala hi nahi puri tarha hubahu hamare kirdaar ko jata rahi hai aapki yeh kavita......

Waise humare vichaar bhi milte hai to ho sakta hai aadateN bhi milti ho....  Humari likhi line's ko sarahane ka shukriyaa....         



Woh kahti hai cigret ke dhue se jigar jalta hai
Hum kahte hai teri yaad se pura ghar jalta hai

Woh kahti hai sharaab se tum hosh meiN nahi rahte
Hum kahte hai kya hua tum humare aaghosh meiN nahi rahte
         

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