Wo khushnuma aalam......Koyal

by KOYAL46 on June 13, 2010, 11:37:24 AM
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KOYAL46
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Duriyen ab apni badhne lagi hain
Majburiyen raah rokney lagi hain

Milne ki chah bhi ghatne lagi hai
Kahaan kho gaya wo pyaar ka jajba

Koi tou bataaye ye kya ho gayaa hai
Wo khushnuma aalam kyu guum ho gaya hai

Khojti hain ye nigahein un bahaaron ko
Jo aane se pehle he gujjar gayee hain
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«Reply #1 on: June 13, 2010, 08:10:11 PM »
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Quote from: KOYAL46 on June 13, 2010, 11:37:24 AM
Duriyen ab apni badhne lagi hain
Majburiyen raah rokney lagi hain

Milne ki chah bhi ghatne lagi hai
Kahaan kho gaya wo pyaar ka jajba

Koi tou bataaye ye kya ho gayaa hai
Wo khushnuma aalam kyu guum ho gaya hai

Khojti hain ye nigahein un bahaaron ko
Jo aane se pehle he gujjar gayee hain


gazel mei koi kami nahi,likhne mei hai shayed

please dont mind

dusara sher
     kho gaya hai shayed kahi pyaar ka jajba
     MILAN KI CHAH JO AB GHATNE LAGI HAIN
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MANOJ6568
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«Reply #2 on: June 13, 2010, 08:21:11 PM »
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3rd sher

bataye koi to hame hamse kya khata ho gayi hai
khushnuma alam ki ghadiya jo kum hone lagi hain


koi to bataye hame bhi ye hamse kya ho gaya hai
khushnuma alam ki ghadiya kyu guum hone lagi hai



sorry yadi meri correction galat lagi to
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kameeney
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«Reply #3 on: June 13, 2010, 08:22:07 PM »
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 Applause Applause Applause Applause
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brokenbyluv
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«Reply #4 on: June 15, 2010, 05:20:01 PM »
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Quote from: KOYAL46 on June 13, 2010, 11:37:24 AM
Duriyen ab apni badhne lagi hain
Majburiyen raah rokney lagi hain

Milne ki chah bhi ghatne lagi hai
Kahaan kho gaya wo pyaar ka jajba

Koi tou bataaye ye kya ho gayaa hai
Wo khushnuma aalam kyu guum ho gaya hai

Khojti hain ye nigahein un bahaaron ko
Jo aane se pehle he gujjar gayee hain


Waah sweetu bahut hi badhiya likha hai..manoj ji nice suggetions...
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MANOJ6568
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«Reply #5 on: June 15, 2010, 05:29:51 PM »
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Quote from: brokenbyluv on June 15, 2010, 05:20:01 PM
Waah sweetu bahut hi badhiya likha hai..manoj ji nice suggetions...

meri suggetions acchi lagi,
uske liye thanx
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KOYAL46
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«Reply #6 on: June 16, 2010, 11:52:01 AM »
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Thanks Manojji good suggestions.....  icon_flower

Quote from: MANOJ6568 on June 13, 2010, 08:21:11 PM
3rd sher

bataye koi to hame hamse kya khata ho gayi hai
khushnuma alam ki ghadiya jo kum hone lagi hain


koi to bataye hame bhi ye hamse kya ho gaya hai
khushnuma alam ki ghadiya kyu guum hone lagi hai



sorry yadi meri correction galat lagi to
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mrkapil_raj1
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«Reply #7 on: June 16, 2010, 02:39:02 PM »
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nice very nice creation koyal ji

muhabbat wo cheej hai jo dikhai nahi jaati
labo tak dil ki bechaini kabhi kayi nahi jaati.
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«Reply #8 on: June 16, 2010, 11:02:40 PM »
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bahut achcha likha hai aapne Koyal ji...!!!

Quote from: KOYAL46 on June 13, 2010, 11:37:24 AM
Duriyen ab apni badhne lagi hain
Majburiyen raah rokney lagi hain

Milne ki chah bhi ghatne lagi hai
Kahaan kho gaya wo pyaar ka jajba

Koi tou bataaye ye kya ho gayaa hai
Wo khushnuma aalam kyu guum ho gaya hai

Khojti hain ye nigahein un bahaaron ko
Jo aane se pehle he gujjar gayee hain
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KOYAL46
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«Reply #9 on: June 18, 2010, 09:17:25 AM »
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Thanks mrkapilji.......
your lines are good.....I SUGGEST ONLY CHANGE OF ONE WORD AS FOLLOW...
labo tak dil ki bechaini kabhi kayi nahi jaati.
labo tak dil ki bechaini kabhi layi nahi jaati.


Quote from: mrkapil_raj1 on June 16, 2010, 02:39:02 PM
nice very nice creation koyal ji

muhabbat wo cheej hai jo dikhai nahi jaati
labo tak dil ki bechaini kabhi kayi nahi jaati.
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KOYAL46
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«Reply #10 on: June 18, 2010, 09:37:41 AM »
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Shukriya klaskarji......

Quote from: klaskar on June 16, 2010, 11:02:40 PM
bahut achcha likha hai aapne Koyal ji...!!!
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KOYAL46
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«Reply #11 on: July 11, 2010, 05:27:42 PM »
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Jaane kyu mujhe aaj aisa lagta hai meri sakhee
Phir se laut aaya hai wo khushnumaa mausam

Duur gagan mai dekh kale-kale megha chhaaye sakhee
Lagta jaise piya ka sandesha lekar aaye hain wo sakhee
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Rajesh Harish
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«Reply #12 on: July 11, 2010, 05:54:16 PM »
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Quote from: KOYAL46 on June 13, 2010, 11:37:24 AM
Duriyen ab apni badhne lagi hain
Majburiyen raah rokney lagi hain

Milne ki chah bhi ghatne lagi hai
Kahaan kho gaya wo pyaar ka jajba

Koi tou bataaye ye kya ho gayaa hai
Wo khushnuma aalam kyu guum ho gaya hai

Khojti hain ye nigahein un bahaaron ko
Jo aane se pehle he gujjar gayee hain


Bahut khoob Koyal JI
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