CHUPKE SE:Shayri for Khumar -e- Ishq

mamta bajpai

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NA KOI AAHAT NA NAQSH -E -PA KOI
CHUPKE SE IS DIL ME UTAR GAYA KOI


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madhuwesh

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Re: CHUPKE SE

«Reply #1 on: May 30, 2010, 01:25:17 AM »

Wah bahut khoob Mamta ji,lovely lines.bahut pasand aayi.hmm chupke se toh utarta hai chahne waale dil mein icon_thumleft


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nazar ghouri

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Re: CHUPKE SE

«Reply #2 on: May 30, 2010, 02:35:24 AM »

wahhhhh bahoot hi umda shair kaha hai ,mera to yeh mashwara hai ke isko matla bana ke fouran ghazal ki shakal de do,,mamta saheba jis shayeri ke liye jani jaati hain,woh mamta saheba wapas agai hain aisa mera manna hai,kuch din se woh mamta saheba zaahir nahi horahi thein asharon se.yeh meri soch hai.warna kisi kone se phir meri janib ungli uth jaegi...waqie umda umda shair hai lafz nahi mil paarahe hain to umda ka hi baar baar istemal kar raha hoon.

Quote from: mamta bajpai on May 30, 2010, 12:24:44 AM

NA KOI AAHAT NA NAQSH -E -PA KOI
CHUPKE SE IS DIL ME UTAR GAYA KOI

Quote from: mamta bajpai on May 30, 2010, 12:24:44 AM

NA KOI AAHAT NA NAQSH -E -PA KOI
CHUPKE SE IS DIL ME UTAR GAYA KOI
[/quote


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.Adeeb

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Re: CHUPKE SE

«Reply #3 on: May 30, 2010, 04:36:40 AM »

Bahot khoobsurat likhti hain Mamta ji aap. Agar aap zara meter ka bhi khayal rakhen 4 chaand lag jayen. Main agar is sher ko likhta to yun likhta:

KOI AAHAT NA NAQSH-E-PAA KOI
KAISE DIL MEIN UTAR GAYA KOI


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MANOJ6568

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Re: CHUPKE SE

«Reply #4 on: May 30, 2010, 04:51:47 AM »

Quote from: mamta bajpai on May 30, 2010, 12:28:35 AM

NA KOI AAHAT NA NAQSH E PA KOI
CHUPKE SE IS DIL ME UTAR GAYA KOI

lovely
ehsaas khushi ka hota hai padte he naam tera
lagta hai tujse hai anjana punara naata koi

ho jaata hu bachain aksar tanhai mei
lagta hai mujko,mujse chrata hai koi

hai aur bhi husanwar is duniya mei
kyu tujhe chod nahi bhata hai koi

mahsus kar kabhi to apni aankhe khol kar
tujhe tujse jyada chahata hai koi


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kadwa laddu

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Re: CHUPKE SE

«Reply #5 on: May 30, 2010, 05:09:52 AM »

janab .Adeeb saheb meter ka khayal rakhne se kya muraad hai ?yeh bhi zara batate adhuri baat rakh di aapne .aap ke khayal main mamta ji ne jo likha hai kya woh shair baher main nahi hai,,aji janab mei samjhta hoon aapko abhi bahot kuch sikhna hai,tanqeed baraa-e-tameer ho to bhali bhi lagti hai,yahan aap ne niche ke misre main apni qabiliyat dikhane ki jo naakaam koshish ki hai uss se yeh ayaan hogaya ke aap abhi zer-o-zabar main uljhe hoe hain.aapne likha "kaise dil main utar gaya koi" aur "mamta ji ne likha"chupke se is dil main utar gaya koi "aap ka khayal aap ki shayeri yahan post kijiye " aur user id se tanqeed ya raae mat do,khud ko zaaher karo janab ..aapki iss betukki raae se lagta hai,,yahan yoindia ke jo shura-e-ikram hain pehle aap se islah kara lein aur baad main yahan post karein,mamta ji aap jawaab dein aur apne shair ki tashreeh karein isliye ke ainda se aise fuzul"Adeeb" haqiqat main hote nahi bus sirf naam rakhlete hain"adeeb"unka zahen thikane pe ajae.adeeb ji aap ko mei pehchan gaya hoon aur mein Admin ko complaint forwad karonga.tum jab se yoindia main aae ho sirf isi raha ki fozol shayri aur har kisi ki post ke jawab main apna shair likh dena apne aap ko bahot kuch samajhrahe ho aap infact u r not genius.khud ki shayeri ko sanwaro pehle.chupke kyun kehrahe ho yoindia memebr id se hi batate to bahes main maza ajata.ainda ehtiyaat karein apni khaam khayali pe ziyada tawajjeh dein.

Quote from: .Adeeb on May 30, 2010, 04:36:40 AM


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qadeer_junaid

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Re: CHUPKE SE

«Reply #6 on: May 30, 2010, 07:08:28 AM »

Wah Mamta Saheba , Kya kahene Wah bhai wah ,, Nazar Saheb Ki bataun se mai bhi itefaq dikhata hon , Hazaro Dad Hazir hain apke is sher per qubool karen Aur han is Mukammal Ghazal kar den..Allah apko Hamesha khush rakhe ..

Duwa go

Qadeertoopchi


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~Hriday~

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Mashhur Shayar

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kalam k chalne ko zamaana paagalpan samajhta hai.

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Re: CHUPKE SE

«Reply #7 on: May 30, 2010, 08:41:39 AM »

Bahut bahut khoob likha hai aapne Mamta ji.. bahut hi umda...!!!


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.Adeeb

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Re: CHUPKE SE

«Reply #8 on: May 30, 2010, 10:22:27 AM »

Janab Laddu sb., maine Mamta ji ko ek islaahi comment diya tha na ke koi tanqeed ki thi. Maine to khud unke likhe ki tareef ki hai. Is par bhi agar etraaz ho to Mamta ji ko ho sakta hai, unke jawaab ka intazaar hai. Pahle unka jawaab aa jata tab aap bolte to zyada theek rahta. Agar guest ki baat ki koi importance nahi hai to Laddu ji aap bhi to bataur guest hi comment kar rahe hain.

Khair, Mamta ji ne bahot khoobsurat likha hai aur maine meter mein likhne ki salaah de kar koi bura nahi kiya. Jitne bhi shayar hain jaise Basheer Badr, Waseem Barelvi, Rahat Indori etc.etc. bina behr ke kuch nahi likhte. Agar koi shayari karna chahta hai, shayar kahlana chahta hai to behr mein likhne ki koshish karni chahiye, bahot mushkil nahi hai. Aapki baaton se zaahir hota hai ke meter ya behr ka ilm aapko nahi hai varna Mamta ji se tashreeh karne ko na kahte balki khud batate ki unka sher behr mein hai ya nahi. Maine Mamta ji ko behr mein likhne ki sirf ek raaye di thi, zaroori nahi wo usko mane bhi. Mamta ji ki likhi lines ko behr mein laane ke liye zarurat ke mutabiq kuch alfaaz add/replace kiye, jo sirf ek misaal bhar hai, maine ye nahi kaha ke wo apne likhe ko isse replace kar dein. Behr ka ustaad to main nahin hun lekin jitna zaruri hai utna jaanta hun.

Laddu ji jis behr mein maine likha hai uski details ye hai:

Irkaan:- Faa-i-laa-tun, ma-faa-i-lun, faa-lun

Ye Behr-e-Khafif ki ek Muzaif behr hai(makhboon muzaa'if maqtoo)

Is bahr mein likhi kuchh mash-hoor ghazals/geet ki misaalein ye hain:

=Tumko dekha to ye khayal aaya/ Zindagi dhoop tum ghana saaya.
=Do ghadi wo to paas aa baithe/ Hun zamaane se door ja baithe.
=Dil-e-nadan tujhe hua kya hai/Akhir is dard ki dawa kya hai.
=Jab bhi ye dil udaas hota hai/Jaane kaun aas paas hota hai.
=Dil mein ek lehr si uthi hai abhi/Koi taaza hawa chali hai abhi

Kuch Saalim behrs ke naam ye hain : Hazaj, Ramal, Mutaqaarib, Mujtas, Khafif, Kaamil etc. Ye total 19 hoti hain aur har ek ki kuchh supplementary behrs bhi hoti hain.

Dear Klaskar ji maine aisa kuchh bura to nahi kaha ke aap barham ho gaye. Kya guests is site par achhoot hain. Jo maine likha hai agar koi member apni Id se likhta tab kya wo sahi hota. Chahe koi member ho ya guest, agar achhi aur sahi baat kahe to usko qubool karna chahiye. Agar guest ki sahi baat bhi galat lagti hai to unke liye reply karne ka option hata dena chahiye balke yoindia ko sirf members ke liye hi permissible kar dena chahiye. Maine Mamta ji ko ek achhi salah di hai jo shayari ke har shaukeen ke liye mufeed ho sakti hai.

Mera ye comment sirf Mamta Ji ke liye nahi hai balke un sabhi ke liye hai jo shayari ka shauk rakhte hain aur likhte hain. Mera maksad ye hai ke meter ki importance ko samjha jaaye tabhi koi seekhne ki koshish karega. Agar Mamta ji ko bhi meri baat bekar, bematlab, behuda aur bakwaas lagti hai to main apna comment wapas leta hun. Guzarish sirf itni hai ke jo rachna beher mein na ho Urdu Shayari Rules ke according wo Ghazal, Maqta ya Sher nahi sirf lines hain. Jis kisi ko bhi mere comment se takleef hui ho unse mafikhwah hun. Shukriya.


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Yoindia ShayariAdab > Shayri ( Poetry ) or Shayari > Shayri for Khumar -e- Ishq > Topic: CHUPKE SE