ho gayi khataa............. Abhi Tamrakar

by AbhiTamrakar on June 05, 2012, 05:55:19 PM
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AbhiTamrakar
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Dosto aaj iAdmin ji ek message ne jhakjhor diya .... or likhte likhte maine ek point rakh diya ki comments ki chah rakhne wale apni post me mention karen..so shuruaat me hi kar raha hun ..

Kripyaa sabhi mananiyaa log jo bhi is post ko padhe is par apne vichaar khule roop se dein...is me kya kami hai kya nahi he...sab kuchh ekdam true comments...





ho gayi khata bhool bisraao

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao

 

tum mere humsafar humnawaa ho tum

roothke na jaa mera jahaan ho tum

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao

 

ab ke tumko ham na chhodege

saaz-e-dil se muh na modege

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jaao

 

ye to sunlo mere sadaa ho tum

razaa se qazaa har wajah ho tum

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jaao

 

maine har lamha tumko chaha hai

jane-e-jana maine apna maana hai

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jaao

 

mera har waqt har ghadi ho tum

shab se subah har kadii ho tum

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao

 

ho gayi khata bhool bisraao

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao
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khamosh_aawaaz
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«Reply #1 on: June 05, 2012, 06:06:19 PM »
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Quote from: AbhiTamrakar on June 05, 2012, 05:55:19 PM
Dosto aaj iAdmin ji ek message ne jhakjhor diya .... or likhte likhte maine ek point rakh diya ki comments ki chah rakhne wale apni post me mention karen..so shuruaat me hi kar raha hun ..

Kripyaa sabhi mananiyaa log jo bhi is post ko padhe is par apne vichaar khule roop se dein...is me kya kami hai kya nahi he...sab kuchh ekdam true comments...





ho gayi khata bhool bisraao  ho gayi khataa ab bhool bhi jaao

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao

 

tum mere humsafar humnawaa ho tum

roothke na jaa mera jahaan ho tum

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao

 

ab ke tumko ham na chhodege

saaz-e-dil se muh na modege

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jaao

 

ye to sunlo mere sadaa ho tum

razaa se qazaa har wajah ho tum kya kahna chahate hain aap samajh nahin aayi baat

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jaao

 

maine har lamha tumko chaha hai

jane-e-jana maine apna maana hai

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jaao

 

mera har waqt har ghadi ho tum

shab se subah har kadii ho tum

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao

 

ho gayi khata bhool bisraao

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao

achi nazm hai abhi.

   ho gayi khata ab bhool bhi jaao.
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laaiba
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«Reply #2 on: June 05, 2012, 06:08:09 PM »
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good effort .....
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~Hriday~
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«Reply #3 on: June 05, 2012, 06:36:10 PM »
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Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause  bahut khoob Abhi ji... par aap gaayab kahaan rehte hain? saal me ek aad baar hi dikhaayi dete hain...!!!
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Intezar
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«Reply #4 on: June 05, 2012, 08:55:11 PM »
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kya baat hai abhi ji

ye to sun lo meri sadaa ho tum
razaa se qazaa har wazah ho tum...!

awesome lines...

Intezar !
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malli
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«Reply #5 on: June 05, 2012, 10:21:31 PM »
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bahut acha likha gaya hai. apni dil ki baat khulkar kaha hai...

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tum mere humsafar humnawaa ho tum

roothke na jaa mera jahaan ho tum

tumko hi chahege qareeb aa jao

Wah wah.. Tamrakar ji bahut pyara kalam pesh kiya hai aapne. daad hazir hai.
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«Reply #6 on: June 06, 2012, 04:05:02 AM »
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Abhi ji muaaf karnaa par kahne kee zurrat kar rahaa hoo ki pahlee do lines hee vazn men naheen ,ho gayee kahataa bhool bisraaoo.meree samajh naheen aayaa agar yoon kahe ki "HO BAYEE KHATAA BHOOLO BISRAAO" tab mujhe uchit jaan padtaa hai is line kaa bhaaw .ye ek nazm hain to qaafiye to ismen bhee hote hain to hamnwaa ke saath jahaan,sadaa ke saath vajah jaise qaafiye naheen aate filhaal ye ek do baaten hee mujhe nazar padee.baqee aapkee bebaaqqee ko slaam aapkee is nazm me jo jazbaat chhupe hain yaqeenqn laajwaab bas thodaa grammar theek ho jaaye to ek beshqeemteee nazm hai aapkee
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«Reply #7 on: June 06, 2012, 04:47:57 AM »
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nazm acchi hai lekin kuch chizen akharti hai abhi ji
saini sir ne jo kaha main usse agree karti hun... kahin kahin rhyme miss ho rahi hai... improve it i knw u can

design as usual u r awesome in this field
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AbhiTamrakar
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«Reply #8 on: June 07, 2012, 02:19:58 PM »
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Quote from: laaiba on June 05, 2012, 06:08:09 PM
good effort .....
thnx for the appreciation
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AbhiTamrakar
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«Reply #9 on: June 07, 2012, 02:33:37 PM »
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Quote from: *KasaK*....Dil Ki on June 06, 2012, 04:47:57 AM
nazm acchi hai lekin kuch chizen akharti hai abhi ji
saini sir ne jo kaha main usse agree karti hun... kahin kahin rhyme miss ho rahi hai... improve it i knw u can

design as usual u r awesome in this field
Quote from: sksaini4 on June 06, 2012, 04:05:02 AM
Abhi ji muaaf karnaa par kahne kee zurrat kar rahaa hoo ki pahlee do lines hee vazn men naheen ,ho gayee kahataa bhool bisraaoo.meree samajh naheen aayaa agar yoon kahe ki "HO BAYEE KHATAA BHOOLO BISRAAO" tab mujhe uchit jaan padtaa hai is line kaa bhaaw .ye ek nazm hain to qaafiye to ismen bhee hote hain to hamnwaa ke saath jahaan,sadaa ke saath vajah jaise qaafiye naheen aate filhaal ye ek do baaten hee mujhe nazar padee.baqee aapkee bebaaqqee ko slaam aapkee is nazm me jo jazbaat chhupe hain yaqeenqn laajwaab bas thodaa grammar theek ho jaaye to ek beshqeemteee nazm hai aapkee

SABSE PEHLE TO AAP DONO KA SHUKRIYA...

mai jo chah rah tha aap dono ne hi reply kiyaaa...
Anu diii or
Mananiya Saini ji, maaf kijiyega  bade aadar poorvak aapko yahan batana chahuga bhool bisraao ... me bisraao (maaf karna) ka actual arth hi hai maaf karna.....

nazm me kaifiya ka dhyan rakhna chahiye me sehmat hun ...par nazm ka har ashar gane ke liye hota he ...agar nazm gayi nahi ja sakti to wo nazm nahi....

or wahi nazm ki khasiyat he is binaah par kaifiye ka na hona mayne nahi rakhta ...shayad...radeef jahan tak me dekh pa raha hu theek hain....or matla bhi bahr me hai aaap se guzarish hai ek bar fir gaur farmayee...bisraao ke sahi arth ke sath j maine upar likha hai...

aisi kayi ghazale bhi hain jo is tarah likhi gayi he maslan mujhe gazal yad to nahi ...
AAApki hidayat yaad rakhugaa ....matle me wazan ki kami maanta hun ....us par zarooor kam karugaaa...or agli bar aapko ek behetreen ghazal dene ka waada bhi karta hun...

mere ek dost ne apni awaaz meri nazm ko dii he ....kabhi mauka mila to zaroor sunauga ....
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AbhiTamrakar
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«Reply #10 on: June 07, 2012, 02:35:49 PM »
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Quote from: ~Hriday~ on June 05, 2012, 06:36:10 PM
Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause  bahut khoob Abhi ji... par aap gaayab kahaan rehte hain? saal me ek aad baar hi dikhaayi dete hain...!!!
Quote from: Intezar on June 05, 2012, 08:55:11 PM
kya baat hai abhi ji

ye to sun lo meri sadaa ho tum
razaa se qazaa har wazah ho tum...!

awesome lines...

Intezar !


bahut shukriya Intezaar sahab...aapne pasand kiya or kya chahiye..

Kapil bhaii......... kya bataye bade busy rehete he yaaar ....jab time milta he aa jate he post karne aapni tttoti footi lines lekar.... or aap jaise dost har bar sath dete hain..shukriya aapka ...
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AbhiTamrakar
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«Reply #11 on: June 07, 2012, 02:46:38 PM »
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[quote a
Quote from: laaiba on June 05, 2012, 06:08:09 PM
good effort .....
uthor=malli link=topic=81272.msg1221199#msg1221199 date=1338934891]
bahut acha likha gaya hai. apni dil ki baat khulkar kaha hai...

Wah wah.. Tamrakar ji bahut pyara kalam pesh kiya hai aapne. daad hazir hai.

[/quote]
Quote from: khamosh_aawaaz on June 05, 2012, 06:06:19 PM
achi nazm hai abhi.

  ho gayi khata ab bhool bhi jaao.

aap sabhi dosto ka bahut bahut shukriya yunhi sath rahiye...
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sksaini4
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«Reply #12 on: June 07, 2012, 03:22:44 PM »
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Priya abhi ji
main ziyaadaa discuss naheen karoongaa bisraao kaa matlab khud men bhool jaanaa bhee hotaa hai ye pure hindi kaa shabd hai.aapne shaayad ek dohaa sunaa hogaa jiskee pahlee line hai"beetee taahi bisaar de aage kee sudh ley"doosre maanaa ki aap bisraao kaa arth maaf karnaa le rahe hain to kyaa maaf karwaanaa chahte hain khataa yaa bhool kyonkki bhool aur khataa to synonims hain.baaqee aapkee rachnaaon kaa shiddat se intezaar rahegaa .aap achhe se achaa kahe ye hee to main kyaa sabhee chahte hain.ham aapse pyaar karte hain to ye mashwiraa de dete hain God bless you
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AbhiTamrakar
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«Reply #13 on: June 08, 2012, 03:23:15 PM »
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Quote from: sksaini4 on June 07, 2012, 03:22:44 PM
Priya abhi ji
main ziyaadaa discuss naheen karoongaa bisraao kaa matlab khud men bhool jaanaa bhee hotaa hai ye pure hindi kaa shabd hai.aapne shaayad ek dohaa sunaa hogaa jiskee pahlee line hai"beetee taahi bisaar de aage kee sudh ley"doosre maanaa ki aap bisraao kaa arth maaf karnaa le rahe hain to kyaa maaf karwaanaa chahte hain khataa yaa bhool kyonkki bhool aur khataa to synonims hain.baaqee aapkee rachnaaon kaa shiddat se intezaar rahegaa .aap achhe se achaa kahe ye hee to main kyaa sabhee chahte hain.ham aapse pyaar karte hain to ye mashwiraa de dete hain God bless you



sir ji ham to likhte hain aapke amoolya mashware ke liyeee... jyada nhai kahuga apni bhool ko sweekarta hun , agar meri koi bat galat lagi ho to kshama chahugaaa....
aage aapko shikayat ka mauka nhai dungaaa....
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«Reply #14 on: June 09, 2012, 12:00:04 PM »
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abhiiiiiiiiii mujhe tumhari awaaz me sunni hai ye nazmmmmmmm..... kab mail karoge bolo.... aur naaa nukur kiya to gaaliyan khaoge badi badi... jaldiiiii bhej dena
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