Pawan Kar Rahi Athhkheliyein.....Koyal -Panna 2:Shayri for Khumar -e- Ishq

KOYAL46

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«Reply #15 on: December 22, 2010, 04:54:15 PM »

he he he he he he ......


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killbill

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Re: Pawan Kar Rahi Athhkheliyein.....Koyal

«Reply #16 on: December 22, 2010, 05:24:44 PM »

bhagooooo Bhoooooot
hasnewali pyari bhoot
Usual Smile


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*KasaK*....Dil Ki

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Re: Pawan Kar Rahi Athhkheliyein.....Koyal

«Reply #17 on: December 22, 2010, 05:42:40 PM »

bht hi khubsurat kavita guddo rani.. dil khush ho gaya padhkar....

par jaisa geet aur abhi ne kaha ..nxt time ek bar post karne kpehle khud review kar liya karo....
ab tum badi ho gai ho aur kafi achcha likh rahi ho..try to improve everyday.......


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AbhiTamrakar

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Re: Pawan Kar Rahi Athhkheliyein.....Koyal

«Reply #18 on: December 23, 2010, 05:57:39 AM »

Quote from: KOYAL46 on December 21, 2010, 10:00:11 AM

Lo pawan bhee kar rahi athhkheliyein
Khilee-khilee aaj meri mann kaliyein

Neeli-peeli rang-rangilee
Kuchh madmaati,kuchh sharmaati
Komal sunder sukhad rasilee
Teetlee si wo cham-chamkilee

Mann bagiya kee hai wo laadaliyein
Khilee-khilee aaj meri mann kaliyein

Aavo aavo mat sharmaavo
Mann apne ko n bharmaavo
Mast-mast aaj tum muskavo
Yovan ki ab chhata dekhavo

Ban kar roop-rang kee Dulhanniya
Khilee-khilee aaj meri mann kaliyein

apn puchha to batata hun~

mere hisab se jahan ham yovan or yuva avastha se sambandhit kisi kriya ya mausam ki bat karte he wahan shabdo me thoda bachpana kam ho jata hai ...dil me sabhi ke ek bachcha hota hai par shabda jab bhavna ka roop lete hain to kis umra ke padav ki bat ho rahi hai use dhyan me rakhna hota hai..

aapne jo likha wo beshak achha hai use padhkar koi bhi cute poem kahega par overall usme thodi si or maturity honi chahiye ~

ye sab mere hisab se he ho sakta he aapke ya kisi or ke vichar se ye sahi na bhi ho~


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KOYAL46

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Re: Pawan Kar Rahi Athhkheliyein.....Koyal

«Reply #19 on: December 23, 2010, 06:36:26 AM »

Theek hai Abhi....lo mein ek line v ek do shabd change karti hu....dekho theek hota hai kya.....

Lo pawan bhee kar rahi athhkheliyein
Khilee-khilee aaj meri mann kaliyein

Neeli-peeli rang-rangilee
Kuchh madmaati,kuchh sharmaati
Komal sunder sukhad rasilee
Teetlee si wo cham-chamkilee

Mann bagiya kee hai wo laadaliyein
Khilee-khilee aaj meri mann kaliyein

Aavo aavo Sakhee meri mat sharmaavo
Mann apne ko aaj tum naa bharmaavo
Masti bhare geet aaj sab milkar gaavo
Bachpan kee dalheez paar karein aavo

Ban kar kay roop-rang kee Dulhanniya
Khilee-khilee aaj meri mann kaliyein

Kuchh theek hui kya bataana....

Quote from: AbhiTamrakar on December 23, 2010, 05:57:39 AM


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AbhiTamrakar

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Re: Pawan Kar Rahi Athhkheliyein.....Koyal

«Reply #20 on: December 23, 2010, 06:53:22 AM »

hmm ab bh waisi hi hai...

aa jayega dheere dheere hosla rakho likhte raho..jo man me aaye bina kuchh soche reply kuchh bhi ho likhte raho~

achha likha rahi ho likhte likhte khud or achha ho jayega~


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Rishi Agarwal

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Re: Pawan Kar Rahi Athhkheliyein.....Koyal

«Reply #21 on: December 23, 2010, 10:44:50 AM »

Bahut Khub Koyal Ji Applause


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KOYAL46

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Re: Pawan Kar Rahi Athhkheliyein.....Koyal

«Reply #22 on: December 23, 2010, 01:52:55 PM »

Aapka Priya-di tahe dil se shukriya..... icon_flower

Quote from: manzil-e-ishq on December 21, 2010, 11:28:15 AM

wow koyal....
very nice lines.....
kya baat hai aaj badi khush lag rahi ho...
accha laga tumhe is tarah dekh ke...
bhagwan kare tum isi tarah hasti muskarati raho..


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