Raat Teri Baahon Me Simte To Subah Badi Haseen Lagne Lagi...........Touhid

by Mohammad Touhid on August 29, 2013, 03:55:13 PM
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Mohammad Touhid
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Raat Teri Baahon Me Simte To Subah Badi Haseen Lagne Lagi.,
Aaye Jo Tum Meri Duniya Me Ye Duniya Rangeen Lagne Lagi..


Aane Se Tere Aana Hai Bahaar Ka Aur Jane Se Bahaar Ka Jaana.,
Ab Har Ek Mausam Teri Maujoodagi Me Behtareen Lagne Lagi..


Farsh Me Baithe The Ab Tak Tere Aate Hi Arsh Tak Pahuche..
Tanha Tha Kal Par Aaj Zindagi Ki Meri Tum Mu’een Lagne Lagi..


Soye The Aagosh Me Tere Jab Jaage Bhi To Kareeb Hi Paya.,
Ehsaas Tera Tha Aisa Jaanaa Mujhe Tu Yaasmeen Lagne Lagi..


Agar Thi Khushiyaan Mere Paas To Gham Bhi Bahut Tha.,
Dard Ko Bhool Sa Gaya Tu Mujhe Aur Bhi Qareen Lagne Lagi..


Sajaya Ish Kadar Meri Duniya Ko Apni Mohabbat Se Tune.,
Meri Baagh-E-Zindagi Ki Tum Dilbar Gul-Cheen Lagne Lagi..



Behtareen = Best, Mu’een = Helper,
Yaasmeen = Jasmine Flower
Qareen = Close by, Gul-Cheen = Gardener.
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«Reply #1 on: August 29, 2013, 04:07:18 PM »
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 icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower icon_flower waah waah bahut khoobsoorat
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Advo.RavinderaRavi
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«Reply #2 on: August 29, 2013, 04:30:04 PM »
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Bahut Khoob.
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@Kaash
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«Reply #3 on: August 29, 2013, 04:45:28 PM »
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Oye hoye! Aaye haye! Kya baat hai ji! Bada khumar-shumar se labrez likha hai,daad !  Khush rahen!
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saahill
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«Reply #4 on: August 29, 2013, 04:48:58 PM »
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waah waah waah waah waah waah waah waah waah waah waah waah tauheed sahab aaj ka rau aap le lijiye
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«Reply #5 on: August 29, 2013, 05:24:50 PM »
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Quote from: Mohammad Touhid on August 29, 2013, 03:55:13 PM


Raat Teri Baahon Me Simte To Subah Badi Haseen Lagne Lagi.,
Aaye Jo Tum Meri Duniya Me Ye Duniya Rangeen Lagne Lagi..


Aane Se Tere Aana Hai Bahaar Ka Aur Jane Se Bahaar Ka Jaana.,
Ab Har Ek Mausam Teri Maujoodagi Me Behtareen Lagne Lagi..


Farsh Me Baithe The Ab Tak Tere Aate Hi Arsh Tak Pahuche..
Tanha Tha Kal Par Aaj Zindagi Ki Meri Tum Mu’een Lagne Lagi..


Soye The Aagosh Me Tere Jab Jaage Bhi To Kareeb Hi Paya.,
Ehsaas Tera Tha Aisa Jaanaa Mujhe Tu Yaasmeen Lagne Lagi..


Agar Thi Khushiyaan Mere Paas To Gham Bhi Bahut Tha.,
Dard Ko Bhool Sa Gaya Tu Mujhe Aur Bhi Qareen Lagne Lagi..


Sajaya Ish Kadar Meri Duniya Ko Apni Mohabbat Se Tune.,
Meri Baagh-E-Zindagi Ki Tum Dilbar Gul-Cheen Lagne Lagi..



Behtareen = Best, Mu’een = Helper,
Yaasmeen = Jasmine Flower
Qareen = Close by, Gul-Cheen = Gardener.


waah waah touhid ji,,,bohut hi dilfareb kalam raha ,
zabardast ...mind blowing
ApplauseApplauseApplauseApplauseApplause
ApplauseApplauseApplauseApplauseApplause
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«Reply #6 on: August 29, 2013, 06:01:58 PM »
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Lajawab - bahot khooob, dheron daad...
 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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Ghulam Haider
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«Reply #7 on: August 29, 2013, 06:27:15 PM »
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Quote from: Mohammad Touhid on August 29, 2013, 03:55:13 PM

MoHtaram wa mukarram janaab "Mohammad Touhid" SaaHib ba Sad adab HaaZ'ir e khidmat hooN. Sabhi yaaraan e bazm ba khoobi jaante haiN ke maiN kisi ke kalaam par bohot kam tabSirah karta hooN. Us ki buniyaadi vajh ye hai ke kisi ki dil shikani na ho. Lekin agar kuchh kehte hooN to maHZ' khush karne ke liye dikhave ki ta'reef bhi nahiN karta, balke munSifana Taur par iSlaaHi pehlu ko bhi naZar meN rakhte huve kuchh kehne ki koshish karta hooN. Ummeed karta hooN ke meri koi bhi baat baar e khaaTir na banegi. Behtar ye hai ke aap ki is kaavish par fikri, fanni aur ma'navi guftgu na karte huve Sirf aur Sirf lafZi aur kuchh saTHi adabi guftgu ho jaye. Kuchh ahamm nikaat haiN jin ki Taraf isharah karna apna farZ' samajhta hooN

Raat Teri Baahon Me Simte To Subah Badi Haseen Lagne Lagi.,
Aaye Jo Tum Meri Duniya Me Ye Duniya Rangeen Lagne Lagi..

Ba Zaahir maTle' ke pehle miSra' meN aap ne jis lafZ se khitaab kiya hai wo "Teri" hai, lekin wahiN doosre miSra' meN "tum" ka lafZ ista'maal kiya hai. ye adab meN qabeeH aur ghair pasandeedah ravish hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Aane Se Tere Aana Hai Bahaar Ka Aur Jane Se Bahaar Ka Jaana.,
Ab Har Ek Mausam Teri Maujoodagi Me Behtareen Lagne Lagi..

Doosri line meN aap ne "har ek mausam" ke saath "behtareen lagne lagi" kaha hai jabke "masuam" muzakkar iste'maal hota hai. Aur behtareen "lagne laga" durust hai. Ye mushkil radeef se hai.
------------------------------------------------------
Farsh Me Baithe The Ab Tak Tere Aate Hi Arsh Tak Pahuche..
Tanha Tha Kal Par Aaj Zindagi Ki Meri Tum Mu’een Lagne Lagi..

Pehle miSra' meN aap ne kaha hai "Farsh meN" jab ke durust "Farsh par" hai. Is she'r ke pehle miSra meN aap ne "ham" aur doosre miSra' meN "maiN" ka mafhoom Zaahir kiya hai jo na munaasib ravish hai. Aur isi TarH "Tum" ke saath "lagne lagi" bhi qabeeH hai "lagne lagiN" durust hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Soye The Aagosh Me Tere Jab Jaage Bhi To Kareeb Hi Paya.,
Ehsaas Tera Tha Aisa Jaanaa Mujhe Tu Yaasmeen Lagne Lagi..

YahaN "Soye the aaghosh meN teri" durust hai "Tere" durust nahiN hai. Aur lafZ "jaanaaN" durust hai "Jaanaa" se baat ka yahaN koi munaasib maTlab nahiN nikalta.
----------------------------------------------------------
Agar Thi Khushiyaan Mere Paas To Gham Bhi Bahut Tha.,
Dard Ko Bhool Sa Gaya Tu Mujhe Aur Bhi Qareen Lagne Lagi..

Ba Zaahir ye lines kisi shdeed qubH aur suqm se paak haiN, haaN "khushiyaN" ke saath "thiN" iste'maal hoga, aur "gham bhi bahut tha" se "gham bhi bahut the" ziyadah saazgaar hai.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sajaya Ish Kadar Meri Duniya Ko Apni Mohabbat Se Tune.,
Meri Baagh-E-Zindagi Ki Tum Dilbar Gul-Cheen Lagne Lagi..

pehle miSra' meN "ish kadar" sharad typing meN mistake ki vajh se huwa ho "is Qadr" durust hai. Aur doosre miSra' meN "meri" ki jagha "Mere" durust hai. Aur "tum" ke saath "lagne lagiN" aayega.
------------------------------------------------------------
Mujhe ummeed hai ke aap meri kisi baat ka manfi maTlab na leNge aur agar kahiN mujh se koi ghalaTi ho gayi ho to us ki Taraf isharah kerNge taaki mujhe apni kami ko door karne ka mauqa' mile. Allah aap ki taufeeqaat meN iZ'aafah farmaye.
Khaaksaar : Haider



Behtareen = Best, Mu’een = Helper,
Yaasmeen = Jasmine Flower
Qareen = Close by, Gul-Cheen = Gardener.
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amit_prakash_meet
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«Reply #8 on: August 29, 2013, 06:37:42 PM »
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बहुत खूब...तौहीद भाई....क्या बात है....बहुत उम्दा पेशकश......
 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley
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*KasaK*....Dil Ki
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«Reply #9 on: August 29, 2013, 06:53:01 PM »
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Quote from: Ghulam Haider on August 29, 2013, 06:27:15 PM


janaab Gulam haider sahab aapka yahan aana hi ye darshata hai ke MT ne kuch to acha likha hai aur usi ki durustii ke liye aapka yahan aana hua..... main aapki har baat se ittefaq rakhti hun ....

thodi si correction ke sath ye kalaam behtareen ho sakta hai....
aapse guzarish hai isi tarah aur logon ke liye bhi aap apni islaah diya karen.....

bahot bahot shukriya aapkaa
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aqsh
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«Reply #10 on: August 29, 2013, 07:00:40 PM »
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 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
Hmmmmmmmm touhid ji kaafi achchi tarah aapne is sher ko nibhaya hai.. bahut khoob achchi peshkash... dheron dheron daad..
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shraddha the poetess
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«Reply #11 on: August 29, 2013, 08:21:54 PM »
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bahot khoob likha............
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nishi gahlaut
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«Reply #12 on: August 29, 2013, 08:22:34 PM »
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Awesome Creation Touhid ji.. Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause icon_flower icon_flower
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Ghulam Haider
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«Reply #13 on: August 29, 2013, 10:28:08 PM »
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Quote from: *KasaK*....Dil Ki on August 29, 2013, 06:53:01 PM
janaab Gulam haider sahab aapka yahan aana hi ye darshata hai ke MT ne kuch to acha likha hai aur usi ki durustii ke liye aapka yahan aana hua..... main aapki har baat se ittefaq rakhti hun ....

thodi si correction ke sath ye kalaam behtareen ho sakta hai....
aapse guzarish hai isi tarah aur logon ke liye bhi aap apni islaah diya karen.....

bahot bahot shukriya aapkaa

Aap ka bohot bohot shukriya. maiN ye munaasib samajhta hooN ke jo log apne kalaam ki iSlaaH chaahte haiN wo kalam ke pehle aisa kuchh likh deN jis se ye andazah lagay ja sake ke SaaHib e kalaam us ki iSlaaH chaahta hai. Phir kisi ko tanqeedi jaayezah lene meN dushvaari na hogi aur har paRhne wala khul kar apni raay ka iZhaar kar sakta hai.
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«Reply #14 on: August 29, 2013, 11:24:44 PM »
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Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
bahut khoob bhaai...!!!
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