Tere bina jeena nahin achcha lagta hai

by Rajesh Harish on November 21, 2008, 07:13:34 PM

Yoindia ShayariAdab > Shayri ( Poetry ) or Shayari > Shayri for Khumar -e- Ishq > Topic: Tere bina jeena nahin achcha lagta hai

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Rajesh Harish

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Tha mein apni duniya mein khoya itna
Tere pyar ko jo samajh na paaya
Tune kiya jab bechain mujhe itna
Toh mein tere paas daudha chala aaya
Ab teri har saansen hi mera jeevan hai
Aur mere dil mein hulchal hoti hai itna
Ki tere bina jeena nahin achcha lagta hai
Kya dogi saath utna tujhe karta hun pyar jitna


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sjid hadayat

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Re: Tere bina jeena nahin achcha lagta hai

«Reply #1 on: November 21, 2008, 07:38:36 PM »

good work...aur behter koshash kerien ..
Duaa go
Sajid Hadayat


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Rajesh Harish

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Re: Tere bina jeena nahin achcha lagta hai

«Reply #2 on: November 21, 2008, 07:45:25 PM »

Thanks Saji Ji


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sjid hadayat

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Re: Tere bina jeena nahin achcha lagta hai

«Reply #3 on: November 21, 2008, 08:00:24 PM »

u r we

Quote from: Rajesh Harish on November 21, 2008, 07:45:25 PM

Thanks Saji Ji

U r always welcome


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anjaan dharkan

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Re: Tere bina jeena nahin achcha lagta hai

«Reply #4 on: November 21, 2008, 09:53:16 PM »

rajesh... some words seem forced... jaise 3rd to last line...
"hoti hai itna..."
theres a mix up of word genders. sirf rhyme kar nay k leeyaen... tho avoid kiya jai... just a suggestion. Usual Smile