An amature sharay so need some feedback

by Jat420 on September 21, 2006, 06:57:44 AM
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Jat420
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mile teh tum zaindagi ke ek hasine modh par
betai the kuch lamhe aise jo jaanat seh bhi khubsoorat lage
tumhar jaane ke gham mein un yaadoko bhulane ke koshi kare
leken bhula na sakha  woh kambakt lamhe, meri har saas meh woh samha bahthai.
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Talat
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«Reply #1 on: September 21, 2006, 09:17:16 AM »
Good effort !! Welcome to Yoindia...try to keep writing....!!

Zindagi ke safar main unse mulaqaat hui ek pal,
Rafta  rafta zindagi meri ban gaya wohi ek pal,
Khabar nahin ki ye judaaiyaan kabhi mit paayengi,
Maine to ibaadat ki tarah mohabbat ki hai har pal !!
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waheed_rose2004
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«Reply #2 on: September 21, 2006, 09:24:39 AM »
good  starting  Jat420   and  too  godo   writtebn  Talat  moti tongue3
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ranjana
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«Reply #3 on: September 21, 2006, 09:32:27 AM »
bahut khoob welcome ....Talat too good..

kuch pal zindagi ki sogaat ban jaate hain
bhule se bhi woh lamhe fir hum kahan bhul paate hain
hui thee kabhi baat jo unse khawabo mein bhi
woh kisse bhi pyaar ki dastaan ban jaate  hain
ek pal main mili thee bas unse nazare
per dard umar bhar ke is masoom dil ko mil jaate hain !!
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Talat
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«Reply #4 on: September 21, 2006, 09:50:53 AM »
Thanks Waheed and Ranju....bohot khoob Ranju...!!!
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