Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...:Shayri-E-Dard

brokenbyluv

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Main likhna tou bahut kuch chahti hu per aaj lafz kuch sath nhi de rahe hai..maaf karna dosto agar koi galati ho tou..

Hai qaid merre dil mein ehsas itne,
ki ik jazbaat per likh pana munasib nhi,

kehna chahti hu us shakhs se apna har dard,
per vo samjh paye merra dard ye waajib nhi,

tadapti hu kisike sath k liye har roz,
thaam le koi mujhe ab tou ye bhi aas nhi,

pyar tou bahut hai logo k dilo mein merre liye,
per jo ponch sake ansu merre aesa koi paas nhi,

darti hu ab andhero se main,
merre wajoob k sang ab merra saya nhi,

khoya itna kuch hai zindgi mein,
ki aaj tak kuch bhi haasil ho paya nhi,

vo samjhe na samjhe kabhi merri kisi baat ko,
maine use kabhi apne zehen se mitaya nhi,

mar bhi jaungi tou bhi usi k naam se asma ko sajaungi,
taaki beheti hawa tak use ye keh sake..
merre ajnabi..GEET ne tujhe kabhi apne dil se bhulaya nhi.........

munasib-possible,mumkin
waajib-necessary,zaruri
zehen-mind,mann...


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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #1 on: November 29, 2010, 06:57:59 PM »

aankhein num ho aain meri geeti aaj ye padhke....
kai zakhm fir risn lage.....
bht khubb likha hai tumne.....


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madhuwesh

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #2 on: November 29, 2010, 07:02:53 PM »

Wow Geet ji bahut pasand aayi aapke kavita.great n touching creation.hats off icon_thumleft


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Sajid_Ghayel

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #3 on: November 30, 2010, 08:23:30 AM »

Yeh peshkash na ghazal ke aitbaar se sahi hai na Nazm ke aitbaar se sahi hai na Geet ke aitbar se sahi hai.........technically har cheeze galat hai aapki peshkash me.

Ab sawaal yeh hai ke aap apni shayri ko lekar kina serious hai, kya aap sirf likhne ko shayri samajhti hai kya aap wakaiee sher_o_shayri se lagaav rakhti hai.......Qke main samajhta hu ab aapko ek kafi lamba arsa guzar chuka hai shero shayri karte huye aur aapki is peshkash ko dekhkar aisa lagta hai ke aap Technically bilkool mehnat nahi kar rahi hai behtar hone ki.

Meri aapse guzarish hai ke aap meri bato ko personally na le aur apni shayri par mehnat kare usey aur bhi behtar banane ki koshish kare. Meri batein agar aapki naarazgi ka sabab bani ho to mujhe maaf kar dein.


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AbhiTamrakar

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #4 on: November 30, 2010, 08:47:55 AM »

wah ji wah diiii..

bahut badhiya..bahut khoob..

bade achhe jajbaat he..

dhr saari daad~

likhte rahiye..


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brokenbyluv

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #5 on: November 30, 2010, 10:39:59 AM »

Bahut bahut shukriya kasak ji,madhu ji n abhi...


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brokenbyluv

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #6 on: November 30, 2010, 10:49:49 AM »

Quote from: Sajid_Ghayel on November 30, 2010, 08:23:30 AM

Mr sajid ghayel,
mujhe apki baate bilkul buri nahi lagi,aap merri bhawnao ko nhi smjh paaye main smjhti hu isme apke nazariye ki baat hai aur maine ye na tou ghazal likhi hai na hi nazm maine ye ek kavita likhi hai aur jaisa ki aap padh sakte hai ki maine pehle likha hai ki main likhna chahti hu per lafz kuch sath nhi de rahe hai isliye apni galatiyo k liye maine tamam padhne walo se pehle hi maafi ki guzarish kar li hai,khair aap ne apni raaye zaahir ki uske liye shukriya per dharkhuast hai apse ki aainda har rachna ka ek ek lafz padhe aur phir apne raaye zaahir kare..kuch bura laga ho tou maafi chahungi...shukriya...


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KOYAL46

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #7 on: November 30, 2010, 11:18:53 AM »

Mast poem hai geet-di.....dil ke bhavon ka sahi cheetran...abhivyakti...ki hai aapne.....
Applause

Teri tanhaaiyon se waakiff hu mein
Tere halaat bhi samajhta hoon mein

Zammane k rawaajo mai quid hu mein
Teri badnaami na ho darrta hu mein

Jaanta hu na bhool payenge ek dusre ko hum
Khaaye jaa raha he mujhe raat-din yahi gum

Quote from: brokenbyluv on November 29, 2010, 06:15:43 PM


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brokenbyluv

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #8 on: November 30, 2010, 11:30:14 AM »

Quote from: KOYAL46 on November 30, 2010, 11:18:53 AM

Mast poem hai geet-di.....dil ke bhavon ka sahi cheetran...abhivyakti...ki hai aapne.....
Applause

thnx alot sweetu...

Na darr tu kisi bhi baat se,
main apni hadho ka dayra nhi todugi,
janti hu hamare milan mumkiin nhi..
per main terra khyala kabhi nhi chhodungi.........


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brokenbyluv

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #9 on: November 30, 2010, 01:50:05 PM »

Bahut bahut shukriya shihab ji...


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Sajid_Ghayel

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #10 on: December 01, 2010, 07:42:11 AM »

Quote from: brokenbyluv on November 30, 2010, 10:49:49 AM

Geet Jee

Sabse pehle to aapka shukriyaa karuga jo aapne meri bato ka jawab diya, ab aatein hai aapke jawab par.

Aapne kaha ke aapne Kavita kahi hai to yeh kehte huye mujhe bada dukh ho raha hai ke yeh peshkash kavita ke aitbaar se bhi sahi nahi hai. Shuruaati daur me main aapse bhi kaiee gunaa kharab likhta tha par yeh Yoindia ka hi aashirwaad hai jo aaj main thoda bohat likh leta hu.

Aisa bilkool nahi ke main kisi ki bhavnao ki izzat nahi karta par un bhavnao ko khoobsurat roop dene ka nam hi shayri hai.......yeh masla bohat purana hai ke aap meri bhavnao ko samjho meri shayri chahe jaisi ho. Agar koi batsman kahe ke main out ho gaya to kya hua meri bhavna to century marne ki thi to uski baat illogical kahi jayegi.

Aapne kaha ke aap pehle hi keh chuki hai ke lafz sath nahi de rahe........aisi halet me aapko chahiye tha ke aap sabr se kaam leti. Kisi kalam ko pesh karna shayer ki majboori nahi hoti.....jab tak kalam poora na ho jaye aur jab tak shayer mutmaieen na ho woh usey pesh nahi karta.......Allama Iqbaal jaise azeem shayer kisi ek sher me pachas pachas baar correction karte they aur tab jaker usey pesh karte they. Aap se maine sirf itni si gurazish ki hai ke aap apne kalamo ko waqt dein unhe pesh karne se pehle kisi se islah kara lein apni galtiyo ko door kar lein aur yahi process to asal maza hai shayri ka.

Aapne mujhse darkhwast ki ke main aainda ek ek lafz padhu aapki shayri ka, aapko kya lagta hai main yeh batein sirf hawa me kar raha hu ya mera maqsad kya aapko naraaz karna hai. Nahi nahi aisi koi baat nahi hai agar main bebaak hoker aapse itni batein kar raha to zaroor maine aapka kalam padha hai uski galtiyon ko samjha hai tab jaker aapse apni baat kahi hai.

Main chahta to bilkool haziri nahi deta aapki thread par ya sirf wah wah karke nikal jata lekin mujhe laga ke aap me behtar hone ke sare sign maujood hai.....aapke khayaal bohat khoobsurat hai bas unhe thodi polishing ki zarurat hai.

Agar aap samajhti hai ke maine koi gustakhi ki hai to keh dein main aainda aisi gustakhi kabhi nahi karuga.

Aapka dost

Ghayel


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brokenbyluv

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Re: Ankahe se ehsas...merre dil k...

«Reply #11 on: December 01, 2010, 11:09:44 AM »

Quote from: Sajid_Ghayel on December 01, 2010, 07:42:11 AM

Apne apni raaye zaahir ki uska bahut bahut shukriya main aage se dhyan rakhungi..take care...


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