Hosh me bhi..

by tamanna.pt on April 10, 2010, 01:32:02 PM
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tamanna.pt
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     Hosh me bhi hosh sa nahi lagta,
      Koi manzar ab mujhe,badalta sa nahi lagta.
      Nahi deti garmi ab mujhe sardi ki wo dhoop,
      Saawan bhi utna hara sa nahi lagta.
      Doob gai tere dard me itni gehrai tak,
      Samandar bhi ab mujhe gehra sa nahi lagta.
      Kyu karoon shikwa k doobna tha hi mujhko,
      k bin doobe to ye dariya paar nahi lagta.
      Mila kartein hai hazaar zakhm jinhe apno se hi,
      Apna kaatil bhi fir unhe,raqeeb sa nahi lagta.
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«Reply #1 on: April 10, 2010, 01:38:25 PM »
Bahut Khoob!!! Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley
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cara
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«Reply #2 on: April 10, 2010, 01:52:11 PM »
Wah kya baat hai       Tamanaa.pt ji......


Hosh mein bhi hosh sa nahi lagta
tere gum mein doobne ka dosh sa nahi lagta
tamanaa hamari thi tere pyar mein jeene-marne ki
aaj mera pyar mera nahi par mujhe mera dushman nahi lagta.....
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Nafseeyati_Mareez
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«Reply #3 on: April 10, 2010, 02:32:55 PM »
Quote from: tamanna.pt on April 10, 2010, 01:32:02 PM


     Hosh me bhi hosh sa nahi lagta,
      Koi manzar ab mujhe,badalta sa nahi lagta.
      Nahi deti garmi ab mujhe sardi ki wo dhoop,
      Saawan bhi utna hara sa nahi lagta.
      Doob gai tere dard me itni gehrai tak,
      Samandar bhi ab mujhe gehra sa nahi lagta.
      Kyu karoon shikwa k doobna tha hi mujhko,
      k bin doobe to ye dariya paar nahi lagta.
      Mila kartein hai hazaar zakhm jinhe apno se hi,
      Apna kaatil bhi fir unhe,raqeeb sa nahi lagta.


Tamanna Jee aapke khayaal to behtar the par kuch batein zaroori hoti hai unpar zara dhiyaan de........

Aapne har jagah mukhtalif Qafiya istemaal kiya hai jo kalam ko kamzor kar deta hai jaise "Badalta" "Hara" "Dariya" aur aakhri sher me to Qafiya totally alag hai.

Main aapko ek example deta hu Qafiya red me hoga aur radeef Green me ghazal ke pehle sher par bhi gaur kare use matla kehte hai usme dono misro me Qafiya hota hai aur radeef same hota hai.

jahaa.N pe.D par chaar daane lage
hazaaro.n taraf se nishaane lage


hu_ii shaam yaado.n ke ik gaa.Nv me.n
pari.nde udaasii ke aane lage


gha.Dii do gha.Dii mujhako palako.n pe rakh
yahaa.N aate aate zamane lage



pa.Daa_ii likhaa_ii kaa mausam kahaa.N
kitaabo.n me.n Khat aane-jane lage

-Bashir Badr-

Koshish kare ke mash_hoor shayro ke kalamo ko padhe aur sirf dosto ki daad se apne kalaam ka meyaar tay na kare.

Ummeed hai aap meri baato par gaur karegi.
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brokenbyluv
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«Reply #4 on: April 10, 2010, 03:41:46 PM »
bahut khoob likha hai tamanna ji n nice reply cara ji...

nafseeyati ji apne bhi bahut khoob likha hai aur apne baat bhi bahut sahi kahi hai...aam taur per ye kaam monitors ka hota hai per apne keh diya uske liye shukriya per aage se dhayan rakhiyega aesi koi bhi baat aap kisi member se kehna chahe tou pehle aap mujhe ya kisi aur monitor ko PM karke bata de...

Aur agar aap shayri se related koi bhi information share karna chahte hai tou plzz share with ous on this thread...it will really b need full...

http://www.yoindia.com/shayariadab/shayari-ki-batein-sawaal-jawaab/lets-teach-and-learn-the-techniques-of-shayari-t53648.0.html

YOINDIA MONITOR..

thnx!
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tamanna.pt
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«Reply #5 on: April 10, 2010, 04:08:58 PM »
         
        Tahe-dil se shukriya nafsiyat ji ,bahut khushi hui aapna apna waqt dekar mujhe itni achhe tips diye. Waise din bhar ki bhagdaud me kabhi kalam wagera padhne ka waqt to mujhe nahi milta,par apne shauk k liy maine net surfing k samay yoindia join karliya tha, Par yakeeni taur pe aaj ye keh sakti hoon k mujhe yahan se bhi bahut kuch seekhne ko milega, Ye yoindia me mera aagaz hai or agar aagaz me hi itne behatareen log mile to anjaam jaroor achha hoga. Isliy vaada kijiy ki aage bhi aap meri koshishon me aise hi meri madad karti rehengi, Or main bhi koshish karungi k main aapki baaton se jitna ho sake seekh saku. Ek baar fir se shukriya.
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Rajesh Harish
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«Reply #6 on: April 10, 2010, 06:54:30 PM »
Quote from: tamanna.pt on April 10, 2010, 01:32:02 PM


     Hosh me bhi hosh sa nahi lagta,
      Koi manzar ab mujhe,badalta sa nahi lagta.
      Nahi deti garmi ab mujhe sardi ki wo dhoop,
      Saawan bhi utna hara sa nahi lagta.
      Doob gai tere dard me itni gehrai tak,
      Samandar bhi ab mujhe gehra sa nahi lagta.
      Kyu karoon shikwa k doobna tha hi mujhko,
      k bin doobe to ye dariya paar nahi lagta.
      Mila kartein hai hazaar zakhm jinhe apno se hi,
      Apna kaatil bhi fir unhe,raqeeb sa nahi lagta.

Bahut khoob Tamanna Ji
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Nafseeyati_Mareez
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«Reply #7 on: April 10, 2010, 07:55:06 PM »
Quote from: tamanna.pt on April 10, 2010, 04:08:58 PM
         
        Tahe-dil se shukriya nafsiyat ji ,bahut khushi hui aapna apna waqt dekar mujhe itni achhe tips diye. Waise din bhar ki bhagdaud me kabhi kalam wagera padhne ka waqt to mujhe nahi milta,par apne shauk k liy maine net surfing k samay yoindia join karliya tha, Par yakeeni taur pe aaj ye keh sakti hoon k mujhe yahan se bhi bahut kuch seekhne ko milega, Ye yoindia me mera aagaz hai or agar aagaz me hi itne behatareen log mile to anjaam jaroor achha hoga. Isliy vaada kijiy ki aage bhi aap meri koshishon me aise hi meri madad karti rehengi, Or main bhi koshish karungi k main aapki baaton se jitna ho sake seekh saku. Ek baar fir se shukriya.

Tamanna jee isme shukriyaa.N kehne wali kaunsi baat hai mehfil ka asal maqsad bhi to yahi hai ke hum ek dusre ki islah kare, ek dusre ki hausla afzaiee kare. Waise to khud bohat bada lailm insaan hu jo thodi bohat samajh thi aapke sath share karli. Aurt jaha tak aage bhi aapki madad karne ki baat hai to shayed woh mujhse nahi hoga. Aapne aupar Monitor jee ka reply to pada hi hoga, shayed monitors ko mera unke kaam me dakhal dena pasand nahi aaya.

Waise aapko kabhi meri madad ki zarurat ho to app mujhe PM kar dijiyega. Abhi to main aapko PM ka jawab bhi nahi de sakta mere 30 post nahi huye hai......jab ho jayege sabse pehla PM aapko hi karuga.

Apna khayaal rakhe aur yuhi likhti rahe.......yaqeenan aap behtareen shayra banegi ek din.

Naf...Mar...
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«Reply #8 on: April 10, 2010, 08:49:58 PM »
Bahut khoobsurat ghazal likha hai aane Tamanna ji... bahut khoob...!!! Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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brokenbyluv
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«Reply #9 on: April 10, 2010, 08:53:21 PM »
Quote from: Nafseeyati_Mareez on April 10, 2010, 07:55:06 PM
Tamanna jee isme shukriyaa.N kehne wali kaunsi baat hai mehfil ka asal maqsad bhi to yahi hai ke hum ek dusre ki islah kare, ek dusre ki hausla afzaiee kare. Waise to khud bohat bada lailm insaan hu jo thodi bohat samajh thi aapke sath share karli. Aurt jaha tak aage bhi aapki madad karne ki baat hai to shayed woh mujhse nahi hoga.

Aapne aupar Monitor jee ka reply to pada hi hoga, shayed monitors ko mera unke kaam me dakhal dena pasand nahi aaya.

Waise aapko kabhi meri madad ki zarurat ho to app mujhe PM kar dijiyega. Abhi to main aapko PM ka jawab bhi nahi de sakta mere 30 post nahi huye hai......jab ho jayege sabse pehla PM aapko hi karuga.

Apna khayaal rakhe aur yuhi likhti rahe.......yaqeenan aap behtareen shayra banegi ek din.

Naf...Mar...

Aesa kuch nhi hai nafseeyat ji apki information bilkul sahi hai merra maksad apko hurt karne ka nhi tha main bus apko ye batana chahti thi ki aap jo bhi kehna chahe use PM dwara share kar sakte hai...ye kisi monitor ko keh sakte hai...

Maaf kijiyega apko bura laga ho tou...hum monitors yahan apki help k liye hai...

For any further assistance feel free to contact me...

Thnx...
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riyaz106
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«Reply #10 on: April 12, 2010, 06:26:11 AM »
Tamanna ji aapne behtreen ghazal likhne ki koshish ki hai. Kuch technical khamiyan(Radeef, Kafiya & behr) hain jo rafta rafta door ho jayengi. Ghazal likhne mein ek bahut khas pahlu ye hota hai ke likhne wale  ka zehan kitna wasee hai, wo kitni oonchi, kitni gehri baat soch sakta hai. Is lihaaz se aapne bahut achha likha hai.Har sher ke dono misro.n mein kamaal ka rabt dekhne ko milta hai  jo sher ko khoobsurat aur meyari banata hai. Thoda behr ki taraf bhi dhyan dene ki zarurat hai. Ye do sher bahut achhe lage:

Doob gai tere dard me itni gehrai tak,
Samandar bhi ab mujhe gehra sa nahi lagta.
Kyu karoon shikwa k doobna tha hi mujhko,
K bin doobe to ye dariya paar nahi lagta.
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tamanna.pt
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«Reply #11 on: April 12, 2010, 06:46:57 AM »
   Shukriya Riyaz ji , Rajesh ji ,cara ji,klaskar ji or khwaish ji or BBL ji mera hausla badhane k liy aap sabka shukriya. Main aage se sabhi bareekiyon ko samajh k or unhe dhayan me rakhte hue achha likhne ki koshish karti rahungi .
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madhuwesh
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«Reply #12 on: April 12, 2010, 07:02:42 AM »
Bahut bahut khoob Tamanna ji.very touching and marvelous creation.last 2 lines bahut achi lagi.Mareez ji aapne bhi kamaal ke likha. Hats off to you! Applause Applause Applause Applause icon_thumleft
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tamanna.pt
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«Reply #13 on: April 14, 2010, 12:38:51 PM »


       Shukriya maduvesh ji.  icon_flower
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meezaali
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«Reply #14 on: July 13, 2011, 06:19:36 AM »
aap bouth pyari shayari likte ho dost bouth pyari
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