jAAne kaise dar.d k ham sehar mein aa gaye hai.n....

by laaiba on June 03, 2012, 08:30:54 AM
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laaiba
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an deikhe anjaane se ham shahar mein aa gaye hain
jaane kaise dard ke ham  sehar mein aa gaye hain

chilchilaatee dhoop apna muqaddar ban gai thi
or ye samjhe saayaa ee ham shajar mein aa gaye hain

pyar or jazbon ki to koi nahee vuqaat uss ko
haaye pattharon ke to ham nagar mein aa gaye hain

aik uljhan dil mein paddee yeh giraah kholein kaise
hijr ke lamhaat ke ham asar mein aa gaye haiin....

koun jaane ran.g laaye kia dil kee khaa moo shiyaan
aey zamaane tere to ham jabar mein aa gaye hain.....

laaiba ali angel11
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sksaini4
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«Reply #1 on: June 03, 2012, 08:32:38 AM »
bahut khoob laaibaa ji dheron daad aur ek rau
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khamosh_aawaaz
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«Reply #2 on: June 03, 2012, 08:48:44 AM »
Quote from: laaiba on June 03, 2012, 08:30:54 AM

an deikhe anjaane se ham shahar mein aa gaye hain
jaane kaise dard ke ham  sehar mein aa gaye hain

chilchilaatee dhoop apna muqaddar ban gai thi
or ye samjhe saayaa ee ham shajar mein aa gaye hain

pyar or jazbon ki to koi nahee vuqaat uss ko
haaye pattharon ke to ham nagar mein aa gaye hain

aik uljhan dil mein paddee yeh giraah kholein kaise
hijr ke lamhaat ke ham asar mein aa gaye haiin....

koun jaane ran.g laaye kia dil kee khaa moo shiyaan
aey zamaane tere to ham jabar mein aa gaye hain.....

laaiba ali angel11

laaiba ji, qafia mein main ne bhi ghaltiyaan bahut ki hain.
aur bekhyali ya la-ilmi   mein aisa ho jaata hai.
shahr,jabr, hum qafia hain aur sehar, nagar, asar hum qafia hain.
 kalaam khoob hai
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #3 on: June 03, 2012, 10:25:05 AM »
Laibaa Sahibaa Aadaab!

Aapki nayi nayi koshisheN dekhkar achcha lag raha hai...
kafi achche khayaalon ko sametne ki koshish karti haiN
aap... bahut khoob jee... Usual Smile

Is kalaam ke khayaal bhi behad khoob lage... Usual Smile
Humari dili daad O mubbarakbad kabul kijiye... Usual Smile

Kuch choti choti khamiyaaN point out kar raheN hai..
jisse aapko aage aise galtiyaaN na ho samjh meiN aaye.. Usual Smile

Ummid hai aapko bura nahi lageNga... Usual Smile
                   


Quote from: laaiba on June 03, 2012, 08:30:54 AM

an deikhe anjaane se ham shahar mein aa gaye hain
jaane kaise dard ke ham  sehar mein aa gaye hain

Matla achcha hai par dusra misra pahle misre
ko sahiN se rabt nahi ban raha hai...

So humare khayaal se aik aise bhi is sher ko adaa kar sakte haiN... agar aapko sahiN lage to rakh lijiye.. Usual Smile

an deikhe anjaane se ham shahar mein aa gaye hain
jaane kaise hum is dard ke ghar mein aa gaye hain
               
                   

chilchilaatee dhoop apna muqaddar ban gai thi
or ye samjhe saayaa ee ham shajar mein aa gaye hain

achcha hai jee daad... par "saaya e hum" se mayne badal gaye... use aise adaa kijiye... "or ye samjhe hum saaya e shajar meiN aa gaye haiN" tab shajar ka saaya mayne baneNge ...                   

pyar or jazbon ki to koi nahee vuqaat uss ko
haaye pattharon ke to ham nagar mein aa gaye hain

achcha hai jee ....                   

aik uljhan dil mein paddee yeh giraah kholein kaise
hijr ke lamhaat ke ham asar mein aa gaye haiin....

WaaH bahut khoob daad daad ... Usual Smile                   

koun jaane ran.g laaye kia dil kee khaa moo shiyaan
aey zamaane tere to ham jabar mein aa gaye hain.....

bahut khoob jee achcha khayaal hai daad Usual Smile
Par khamoshiyaaN" lafz aik hi hai use todiye nahi....
Aur haaN lafz jabar sahiN nahi jabr hai... so kafiya kharij hua...
Jabr ki jagaaH aap "nazar" bhi use kar sakti hai... Usual Smile                   

laaiba ali angel11

Humari daad phir se kabul kijiye...
Likhati rahiye.. aati rahiye..

Shaad O aabad rahiye..
Khuda Hafez... Usual Smile                   
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Intezar
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«Reply #4 on: June 03, 2012, 07:44:52 PM »
good one laaiba ji... baaki to parwaaz sahab ne bahut kuch bata hi diya us par gaur kariyega...


Intezar !
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laaiba
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«Reply #5 on: June 03, 2012, 07:47:44 PM »
Quote from: sksaini4 on June 03, 2012, 08:32:38 AM
bahut khoob laaibaa ji dheron daad aur ek rau
shukria aapkaa...
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laaiba
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«Reply #6 on: June 03, 2012, 07:48:28 PM »
Quote from: khamosh_aawaaz on June 03, 2012, 08:48:44 AM
laaiba ji, qafia mein main ne bhi ghaltiyaan bahut ki hain.
aur bekhyali ya la-ilmi   mein aisa ho jaata hai.
shahr,jabr, hum qafia hain aur sehar, nagar, asar hum qafia hain.
 kalaam khoob hai
ji bilkul sahi kaha aap ne.....shukria aapkaa....
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laaiba
Guest
«Reply #7 on: June 03, 2012, 07:52:21 PM »
Quote from: ParwaaZ on June 03, 2012, 10:25:05 AM
Laibaa Sahibaa Aadaab!

Aapki nayi nayi koshisheN dekhkar achcha lag raha hai...
kafi achche khayaalon ko sametne ki koshish karti haiN
aap... bahut khoob jee... Usual Smile

Is kalaam ke khayaal bhi behad khoob lage... Usual Smile
Humari dili daad O mubbarakbad kabul kijiye... Usual Smile

Kuch choti choti khamiyaaN point out kar raheN hai..
jisse aapko aage aise galtiyaaN na ho samjh meiN aaye.. Usual Smile

Ummid hai aapko bura nahi lageNga... Usual Smile
                   


Humari daad phir se kabul kijiye...
Likhati rahiye.. aati rahiye..

Shaad O aabad rahiye..
Khuda Hafez... Usual Smile                   

ji parwaz ji kabhee kabhee aisa ho jata hai k kuch be khyali mein khyalat lafzon ka roop dhaar leite hain wazn , qafia etc ki limits ka tayyan nahi kiya jata ..to aaj hamari iss be tukki ghazl bhi aise waqt ki tarjuma.n rahee Usual Smile
khushi huyee deikh kar ke yahan bht ache ahl e sukhn moujood haiin
aapki hr bt baja hai or mind krne ki hamare pass gunjayiesh nahi q k baat sach hai or hamein sach ko accept krna be khubi aata hai...khush rahiye or bohat shukria hosla afzaii ke liye....
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laaiba
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«Reply #8 on: June 03, 2012, 07:53:01 PM »
Quote from: Intezar on June 03, 2012, 07:44:52 PM
good one laaiba ji... baaki to parwaaz sahab ne bahut kuch bata hi diya us par gaur kariyega...


Intezar !
shukria aapkaa...
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«Reply #9 on: June 04, 2012, 05:43:53 PM »
Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause  bahut bahut khoob Laaiba ji....!!!
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laaiba
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«Reply #10 on: June 04, 2012, 05:48:55 PM »
shukria aapkaa...
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