khaamoshi aur garjna

by Prateek Mardia on April 29, 2008, 07:32:50 PM
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Prateek Mardia
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khal rahi khamoshiyan kyon jub baate meri naapasand he
aawaz meri jo ye bund he, to tumhaari youn buland he!

jhankrit kadachit kub hriday,sun teevra vaani teekhe swar
zhakjhorti he pur tumhe-meri khaamoshiyon me woh asar!
gupt gutthi garjna he- khojta inme mein baaten
sehaj saral khaamoshiyaan he---
sufiyaana sur he saare, chatpatate chhund he
awaaz meri jo yeh bund he, to tumhaari youn buland he!

hasraton ka hajoom hoga ya hatthon ka hoga halla
raag aisa kub chira,mein gungunaata sun surila
tyaag kar teekhe zehar,kub sehbhaaagi bane meri dagar
ho-na-ho kuch ho bhala khamoshiyon mein,khwaishey to chund he
awaaz meri jo yeh bund he,to tumhaari youn buland he!

tum tumhaari aur mein meri kehte jaaye, kya yeh baat he?
furk samjho ub zara kya roshni kya raat he---
adhron se kuch na kahon,nayan pudh bus mein tumhare
jaan lu mein kya tere haalat he
aur mere mun ki khalish ko mere kehne se he pehle
tum pehchaan lo to jazbaaat he
shaant hum tum pur goonjte ho sub kinaare
jhoomte ho sub sitaare
chehchahate-kehkahaate-kya baat he-kya baat he!
ub to hriday ke kholo chakshu-mund he ya undh he
awaaz meri jo yeh bund he,to tumhaari youn buland he!

goodh samjho geet ka to yeh anubandh ek sugandh he
aur na samjho meet mere -to zindgaani dwand he!
awaaz meri jo yeh bund he to tumhaari youn buland he!

Prateek

jhankrit---dil mein khushi ki lehar uthna
hasraaton ka hajoom---icchaon(desires ki bheed)


















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syednaami
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«Reply #1 on: April 29, 2008, 07:59:56 PM »
Quote
shaant hum tum pur goonjte ho sub kinaare
jhoomte ho sub sitaare
chehchahate-kehkahaate-kya baat he-kya baat he!
ub to hriday ke kholo chakshu-mund he ya undh he


Wah bhai wah,
Itna padha jab jaake thoda sa budhi men samaaya, kya kaarunya maye vedana ki sthapat geet rach hrday men kasht-ta ke teeron ko chhod diya hai.

Upar diye pankti ka chakshaN hi saare geet ka tatva hai.
Man lalcha gaya

Abhaari

(syed Naami)
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Prateek Mardia
Guest
«Reply #2 on: April 29, 2008, 08:30:18 PM »
syeednaamiji,

aapka shukrana ki aapne padha aur jo ansh aapko pasand aaya uske liye mujhe apaar prasannta he.aapki duaon se he prerna milti he janaab.

prateek
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Pooja
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«Reply #3 on: April 29, 2008, 08:44:42 PM »
mujhe yah kavita( Jitani bhi samjh mai aai) shayri-e-dard ki nahi.. khumar-e-Ishaq ki lagi hai!!!

samjh main nahi atta.. Prateek ji ki Hindi  BangHead aor Syidnaami ji ki urdu.... BangHead dono hi mujhko samjh nahi atte. DOH. mujhko meri samjh per he shaq ho chla hai.. Crying

Anyways jitani bhi apki kavita samjh aai hai.. ussi ko najar mai rakhte hue jawab likhne ki koshish karugi is post ke baad...
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Prateek Mardia
Guest
«Reply #4 on: April 29, 2008, 08:53:17 PM »
pooja ji,

kavita khumar-e-ishq mein nahi,shaayri-e-durd mein he likhi he.baaki to aap monitor he-uthka-patki kar sakte he!khumar-e-ishq se to mulaakat kabhi hui hi nahi!

kavita vaakai kathin nahi hein-gehri ho sakti he-shabd aisa koi bhee nahi jis-se aapki samajh pare ho.bus itminaan-se padhne ka samy gona chahiye.
aapki haazirjawaabi pur to koi sandeh kabhi nahi ho-sakta pur sawaal khoj raha hu apni kavita mein.

Prateek
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Pooja
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«Reply #5 on: April 29, 2008, 08:59:50 PM »
Kripya in shabdo ka arth samjhaye:

chhund
youn
pudh
dwand
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Prateek Mardia
Guest
«Reply #6 on: April 29, 2008, 09:13:00 PM »
Kripya in shabdo ka arth samjhaye:

chhund
youn
pudh
dwand

pooja ji,

upar likhe shabd saare aasaan hindi ke rozmarra istmaal ke shabd he,shayad spelling mistakes ho sakti he.I cannot write the exact meanning but trying for the similar ones

chhund---paragraph or a part of poem
youn=yo
pudh=padh=read
dwand=kashmkash
shayad only due to spelling errors.
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syednaami
Guest
«Reply #7 on: April 29, 2008, 09:14:51 PM »
mujhe yah kavita( Jitani bhi samjh mai aai) shayri-e-dard ki nahi.. khumar-e-Ishaq ki lagi hai!!!

samjh main nahi atta.. Prateek ji ki Hindi  BangHead aor Syidnaami ji ki urdu.... BangHead dono hi mujhko samjh nahi atte. DOH. mujhko meri samjh per he shaq ho chla hai.. Crying

Anyways jitani bhi apki kavita samjh aai hai.. ussi ko najar mai rakhte hue jawab likhne ki koshish karugi is post ke baad...

Hamari nazar se...

Pooja ji, aapko agar shabd raashi ka raaz maloom hota to shayad isko Khumar-e-ishq na kehti, meri nazar(Chakshu-s) itni Chand (Fierce, tez, khatanak)hai ki ghalati nahin kar sakta, khaas tor yahan par.
Inhon ne dwand (pair, joda) bana kar nahin likha hai, par aakar men betthi hui kavita hai.

Aap krpya sab panktyon ka phir se nazara karen.

Dhanyavaad.

S Naami
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Prateek Mardia
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«Reply #8 on: April 29, 2008, 09:19:47 PM »
syeednaami ji,
meri spellings mein kuch errors rahe honge,kuch shabdon ke arth aapne sahi kahe he,pur kuch ke arth alag he...mujhe shaayad theek se samjhaana nahi aa raha .
aapki madad ka sadev karzdaar

Prateek
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syednaami
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«Reply #9 on: April 29, 2008, 10:11:10 PM »
syeednaami ji,
meri spellings mein kuch errors rahe honge,kuch shabdon ke arth aapne sahi kahe he,pur kuch ke arth alag he...mujhe shaayad theek se samjhaana nahi aa raha .
aapki madad ka sadev karzdaar

Prateek

Prateek mitr, Thheek kaha aap ne, is liye adhik baat yehin rehne dete hain, kal iss vishay par vichaarit honge.

Dhanayvaad
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Pooja
Guest
«Reply #10 on: May 02, 2008, 06:03:25 PM »
Prateek ji, apki kavita ko samjhne mai kuch waqat lag gaya... magar jab samjh mai aai to shabd nahi bayan karne ke liye ki kaise mehsoos hua... bahoot hi gahari vedna hai apki is kavita main... ussi vedna ko najar mai rakhte hue ek koshish meri taraf se.. app jitna gahra likhna nahi atta.. so apne sadharan shabdo se likh rahi hu:

Mujhe shayad kabhi apni baat kahni he nahi aii
Chaha sirf tujhko hi, kyun yah baat teri samjh nahi aaii

Her cheekh mai ek dard tha, her shikayat main zakham
Teri tarah khamoshio se, na baat main tujhse kar paaii

Raho her pal mere hi sung, itna hi to chaha tha
Kyun mere ansuo main, tujhe, apni tasveer, najar nahi aaii

Her meri hasrat main tum, iss liye to jhanjhora tha
Jitna tumhe paana chaha, utani he doori tumne hai banaii

Surilapan kab kho gaya, yah to main bhi na kabhi samjh paai
tumahari kami ne he, yah chirdchiraht meri zindagi mai laaii

Tumne kahin apni aor maine her baar apni baat doharaaii
Kyun? Kis liye kabhi koi baat, Humaari nahi ho paaii

Khamoshi teri, mujhko lagi, tujhe meri preet ab nahi bhaaii
Na jaane kaya kaya soch soch kar, her baat gusse se he munh se aaii

Itani se thi jo baat, to pahle kyun nahi is tarah samjhaaii
Teri ek muskurahat main, meri sari khushia hai simat aaii!!!!!
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Prateek Mardia
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«Reply #11 on: May 02, 2008, 06:24:41 PM »
pooja ji,

Aapki kavita padh kar jo do agli panktiyan honi chaiye woh mirza Ghaalib sahab ne pehle he likh di thee...
Humko maalom hein jannat ki haqikat lekin
dil ke khush rakhne ko Ghaalib yeh khayal accha he!

aapki haazirjawabi pur sada ki tarah badhai.samay lagana ka shukriya.
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Pooja
Guest
«Reply #12 on: May 02, 2008, 06:53:12 PM »
Janati hu apki kavita ke samne, meri yah kavita kahin door tak nahi tik.ti,.. magar chah kar bhi apki is vedna bhari kavita ka jawab, ek aourat ke man ki vedna se nahi de paai...

Jalad hi kuch aor likhne ki koshish hogi!!
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syednaami
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«Reply #13 on: May 03, 2008, 01:24:47 AM »
Shrimati Pooja, aap ne badhiya kavita likh uttar saral bhasha se diya.
Badhai
  icon_thumleft
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Sonia01
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«Reply #14 on: May 03, 2008, 02:45:23 AM »
Shrimati Pooja, aap ne badhiya kavita likh uttar saral bhasha se diya.
Badhai
  icon_thumleft
Shrimati Pooja, aap ne badhiya kavita likh uttar saral bhasha se diya.
Badhai
  icon_thumleft

Arre bhaiya, Pooja didi ko pata hai mujh jaise log bi
shayri padne ka shauk rakhte hai. Poora vakiya shudda
hindi (urdu) pe likha to dictionary ko refer karke
samajne main waqt lagjata hai...

Hands off pooja di...
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