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suman59
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Na gam do khuda ko yaad karke
Kahan chal diye tum hame berbaad karke
Mai berbaad hona bi gawara karungi
Agar wo khush hai hame barbaad karke
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khamosh_aawaaz
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«Reply #1 on: August 26, 2012, 06:02:32 PM » |
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Na gam do khuda ko yaad karke
Kahan chal diye tum hame berbaad karke
Mai berbaad hona bi gawara karungi
Agar wo khush hai hame barbaad karke
naaaaaaaice  |
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suman59
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«Reply #2 on: August 26, 2012, 06:05:07 PM » |
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naaaaaaaice thankkkkkkkkkkkkksssssssss |
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MANOJ6568
Khaas Shayar
Rau: 31
 Offline
Gender: 
Waqt Bitaya:42 days, 19 hours and 59 minutes.
Astrologer & Shayer
Posts: 12017 Member Since: Feb 2010
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«Reply #3 on: August 26, 2012, 08:00:30 PM » |
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Na gam do khuda ko yaad karke
Kahan chal diye tum hame berbaad karke
Mai berbaad hona bi gawara karungi
Agar wo khush hai hame barbaad karke
gd sher ke hisaab se forth line mei.n wo ki jagah tum aana chahiye |
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nandbahu
Mashhur Shayar
Rau: 122
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Waqt Bitaya:20 days, 4 hours and 11 minutes.
Posts: 14553 Member Since: Sep 2011
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«Reply #4 on: August 27, 2012, 12:29:15 AM » |
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bahut khoob suman ji
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sksaini4
Ustaad ae Shayari
Rau: 853
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Gender:
Waqt Bitaya:112 days, 8 hours and 51 minutes.
Posts: 36414 Member Since: Apr 2011
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«Reply #5 on: August 27, 2012, 04:32:49 AM » |
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good keep it up magar bi naheen bhee
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Satish Shukla
Khususi Shayar
Rau: 51
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Waqt Bitaya:25 days, 6 hours and 16 minutes.
Posts: 1862 Member Since: Apr 2011
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«Reply #7 on: August 27, 2012, 11:21:04 AM » |
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suman59 ji,
khayal achchhe hain..bandhne kee aur koshish
keejiye...likhne ke saath thoa bahut padhiye bhi
achchhe Poets ko....all the best...
Raqeeb
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saahill
Mashhur Shayar
Rau: 86
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Waqt Bitaya:147 days, 19 hours and 41 minutes.
Posts: 18617 Member Since: Jun 2009
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«Reply #8 on: August 27, 2012, 11:39:33 AM » |
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waah suman ji wah
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suman59
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«Reply #9 on: August 27, 2012, 03:25:54 PM » |
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suman59 ji,
khayal achchhe hain..bandhne kee aur koshish
keejiye...likhne ke saath thoa bahut padhiye bhi
achchhe Poets ko....all the best...
Raqeeb
shukriya satish shukla jee. jaisa aapne kaha waisa hi karenge. |
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suman59
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«Reply #10 on: August 27, 2012, 03:27:46 PM » |
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gd
sher ke hisaab se forth line mei.n wo ki jagah tum aana chahiye
accha... haan second line mein tum likhi thi na. toh sahi hai wo ki jagah tum likhna chahiye tha. slip hogaya  sory |
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suman59
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«Reply #11 on: August 27, 2012, 03:28:58 PM » |
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good keep it up magar bi naheen bhee
keeping up... (magar bi nahi bi  is ka matlab kya hai? |
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~Hriday~
Poetic Patrol
Mashhur Shayar
Rau: 115
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Gender:
Waqt Bitaya:101 days, 3 hours and 51 minutes.
kalam k chalne ko zamaana paagalpan samajhta hai.
Posts: 16243 Member Since: Feb 2010
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«Reply #12 on: August 27, 2012, 03:33:26 PM » |
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3rd line me 'bi' ki jaha 'bhee' hoga... keeping up... (magar bi nahi bi is ka matlab kya hai? |
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suman59
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«Reply #13 on: August 27, 2012, 03:37:18 PM » |
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3rd line me 'bi' ki jaha 'bhee' hoga... ok ok yeh padkar kahi HONEY BEE na peeche padjaye |
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~Hriday~
Poetic Patrol
Mashhur Shayar
Rau: 115
Offline
Gender:
Waqt Bitaya:101 days, 3 hours and 51 minutes.
kalam k chalne ko zamaana paagalpan samajhta hai.
Posts: 16243 Member Since: Feb 2010
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«Reply #14 on: August 27, 2012, 03:40:14 PM » |
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hahahhahaahah nahi padegaa... filhaal to main hi hoon pareshaan karne ke liye.... ok ok yeh padkar kahi HONEY BEE na peeche padjaye |
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on eTI community..
