teri aankhon mai aansu kyon...........Mann

by mann.mann on May 24, 2012, 11:58:24 AM
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mann.mann
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«Reply #15 on: May 25, 2012, 11:59:10 AM »
bahut bahut dhanyawad hridayji
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mann.mann
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«Reply #16 on: May 25, 2012, 12:00:00 PM »
bahut bahut shukriya nihaji
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mann.mann
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«Reply #17 on: May 25, 2012, 12:00:51 PM »
bahut bahut dhanyawad dollyji
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mann.mann
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«Reply #18 on: May 25, 2012, 12:01:37 PM »
bahut bahut shukriya laaibaji
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ufaq
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«Reply #19 on: May 26, 2012, 03:57:20 AM »
bahut cunfuse kar diya aapki ghazal ne.......khoobsurat radeef, tamaam ghazal meter men siwaay ikaa-dukaa jagah ke........lekin qaafiye.......dur-dur tak bhi nahi milte.......aisa kyun?
  yaqeenan ye aik khoobsurat ghazal ban sakti thee......koshish kar rahaa hu ki aapki ye koshish waste na jaaye.
aapki ghazal men main problem qaafiye ki hai isliye oola men koi ferbadal nahi kar rahaa hu...sirf saanee jod rahaa hu agar oola men kahi koi change hai to misre ko meter men laane ke liye.

hamara gam hamara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.
yahi ab humko pyaara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

ye neze aur ye nashtar mere hi waaste hai sab.
inhone mujhko mara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

ki meri neend ukhdi hai ki mera chain ujadaa hai
tujhe par kab pukaara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

ye sooraj chaand ye taare ghataaye phool o khushboo.
tera aalam ye sara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

hamari chaak jigri ho qalam ho jaaye ye sar bhi.
tujhe sab kuch gawaara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

                    mann sahib / sahiba is ghazal ka subject aur radeef mujhe itna pasand aaya ki main khud ko rok nahi paaya......
    aapse gujaarish hai ki aap meri kisi baat ya ialaah ka bura mat maaniyega.....aur agar aapko bura laga ho to mujhe muaaf kariyega aur meri baate ignore kariyega.........
aakhir men aapka shukriya adaa karna chaaunga ki aapne mujhe is behad khoobsurat koshish ko padne ka mauka diya..........
     keep writing, stay happy...........
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Qais
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«Reply #20 on: May 26, 2012, 04:27:17 AM »
Bahut khoob , Mannji. khubsurat kalaam ke liye mubarakbaad haazir hai. Ufaq saheb ki islaah bhi khoob hai . Magar ufaq saheb se bhi kahna chaahoonga ki islaah denewaale ki bhi zimmedaari hai ki khud ghaltiyaan na kare.Unki tahreer mein 'Gham'ko 'gam' likhna ya 'Guzaarish' ki jagah 'Gujaarish' aur 'mauqa' ki jagah 'mauka' likhna acha nahi lagta .Talaffuz ka khayaal rakhna bhi utna hi aham hai jitna doosri baaton ka.
Quote from: ufaq on May 26, 2012, 03:57:20 AM
bahut cunfuse kar diya aapki ghazal ne.......khoobsurat radeef, tamaam ghazal meter men siwaay ikaa-dukaa jagah ke........lekin qaafiye.......dur-dur tak bhi nahi milte.......aisa kyun?
  yaqeenan ye aik khoobsurat ghazal ban sakti thee......koshish kar rahaa hu ki aapki ye koshish waste na jaaye.
aapki ghazal men main problem qaafiye ki hai isliye oola men koi ferbadal nahi kar rahaa hu...sirf saanee jod rahaa hu agar oola men kahi koi change hai to misre ko meter men laane ke liye.

hamara gam hamara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.
yahi ab humko pyaara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

ye neze aur ye nashtar mere hi waaste hai sab.
inhone mujhko mara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

ki meri neend ukhdi hai ki mera chain ujadaa hai
tujhe par kab pukaara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

ye sooraj chaand ye taare ghataaye phool o khushboo.
tera aalam ye sara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

hamari chaak jigri ho qalam ho jaaye ye sar bhi.
tujhe sab kuch gawaara hai teri aankho men aansu kyun.

                    mann sahib / sahiba is ghazal ka subject aur radeef mujhe itna pasand aaya ki main khud ko rok nahi paaya......
    aapse gujaarish hai ki aap meri kisi baat ya ialaah ka bura mat maaniyega.....aur agar aapko bura laga ho to mujhe muaaf kariyega aur meri baate ignore kariyega.........
aakhir men aapka shukriya adaa karna chaaunga ki aapne mujhe is behad khoobsurat koshish ko padne ka mauka diya..........
     keep writing, stay happy...........
'
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ufaq
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«Reply #21 on: May 26, 2012, 05:21:48 AM »
Quote from: Qais on May 26, 2012, 04:27:17 AM
Bahut khoob , Mannji. khubsurat kalaam ke liye mubarakbaad haazir hai. Ufaq saheb ki islaah bhi khoob hai . Magar ufaq saheb se bhi kahna chaahoonga ki islaah denewaale ki bhi zimmedaari hai ki khud ghaltiyaan na kare.Unki tahreer mein 'Gham'ko 'gam' likhna ya 'Guzaarish' ki jagah 'Gujaarish' aur 'mauqa' ki jagah 'mauka' likhna acha nahi lagta .Talaffuz ka khayaal rakhna bhi utna hi aham hai jitna doosri baaton ka. '

qais sahib , aapka shukrgujaar hu ki aapko khhaksaar ki islaah acchee lagee.......rahi baat galtiyo ki to janaab gam koi galat lafz to nahi hai iska matlab hota hai - sorrow.  ha maanta hu ki guzaarish aur mauqa kahne men mujhse talaffuz ki galti huyi hai.aur iske liye muaafi ka bhi talabgaar hu lekin aap shaayad aik baat nazar andaaz  kar rahe hai ki dono galtiya ghazal men nahi huyi hai........waise hum sab yahaan sikhne ke liye aaye hai , na sirf jhooti waah-2 sunne ke liye..........agar koi kuch islaah karta hai to usse sikhne ki koshish honi chaahiye na ki nukta-cheeni karne ki.........
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khujli
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«Reply #22 on: May 26, 2012, 05:28:37 AM »
Quote from: mann.mann on May 24, 2012, 11:58:24 AM
Hamara gham hamara hai, teri aankhon mai aansu kyon.
Ise bas hamko sahna hai, teri aankhon main aansu kyon.

Ye neze aur ye nashtar, hamare waste hain sab,
Tujhe kuchh bhi nahin hoga, teri aankhon main aasu kyon.

Chain ki neend tum so o neend to apni khoyi hai,
Tera kuchh bhi na khoyega, teri aankhon main aansu kyon.

Ye sooraj chaand ye taare, tere hain sare nazzare,
Teri to duniyan hai sari, teri aankhon main aansu kyon.

Hamari chaaq zigari ho, kalam ho jaye yaa sar bhi,
Tera sab kuch salaamat hai, teri aankhon main aansu kyon.

Mann


 Applause Applause icon_flower icon_flower
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Qais
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«Reply #23 on: May 26, 2012, 05:44:28 AM »
Ufaq sb.Afsos hai ki aap apne mashwire ko islaah aur mere mashwire ko nukta cheeni samjhein . Main ne bhi mahez eik mashwira hi diya hai...Aur janaab , Roman tareeqe se likhne mein 'gam' aur 'gham' mein farq hai aur sahi talaffuz 'gham' hi hai .Moujuda tahreer mein bhi 'galtiyo' aur 'galat'  ki jagah 'ghaltiyo' aur 'ghalat' hona chaahiye .Phir bhi main muafi ka talabgaar hoon agar aap ko meri baat naagwaar guzri.
Quote from: ufaq on May 26, 2012, 05:21:48 AM
qais sahib , aapka shukrgujaar hu ki aapko khhaksaar ki islaah acchee lagee.......rahi baat galtiyo ki to janaab gam koi galat lafz to nahi hai iska matlab hota hai - sorrow.  ha maanta hu ki guzaarish aur mauqa kahne men mujhse talaffuz ki galti huyi hai.aur iske liye muaafi ka bhi talabgaar hu lekin aap shaayad aik baat nazar andaaz  kar rahe hai ki dono galtiya ghazal men nahi huyi hai........waise hum sab yahaan sikhne ke liye aaye hai , na sirf jhooti waah-2 sunne ke liye..........agar koi kuch islaah karta hai to usse sikhne ki koshish honi chaahiye na ki nukta-cheeni karne ki.........
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khujli
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«Reply #24 on: May 26, 2012, 05:48:36 AM »
Quote from: Qais on May 26, 2012, 05:44:28 AM
Ufaq sb.Afsos hai ki aap apne mashwire ko islaah aur mere mashwire ko nukta cheeni samjhein . Main ne bhi mahez eik mashwira hi diya hai...Aur janaab , Roman tareeqe se likhne mein 'gam' aur 'gham' mein farq hai aur sahi talaffuz 'gham' hi hai .Moujuda tahreer mein bhi 'galtiyo' aur 'galat'  ki jagah 'ghaltiyo' aur 'ghalat' hona chaahiye .Phir bhi main muafi ka talabgaar hoon agar aap ko meri baat naagwaar guzri.


 Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP

very true MR QAIS.. GHAZAL WITHOUT APPROPRIATE SPELLING IS AS IF A BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WEARING DIRTY CLOTH
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ufaq
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«Reply #25 on: May 26, 2012, 06:29:18 AM »
Quote from: qalb on May 26, 2012, 05:48:36 AM

 Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP Thumbs UP

very true MR QAIS.. GHAZAL WITHOUT APPROPRIATE SPELLING IS AS IF A BEAURIFUL WOMEN WEARING DIRTY CLOTH



hmmm..........aur bebeh'r ghazal jisme qaafiye bhi na milte ho use kya kahenge..........?
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ufaq
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«Reply #26 on: May 26, 2012, 06:42:50 AM »
Quote from: Qais on May 26, 2012, 05:44:28 AM
Ufaq sb.Afsos hai ki aap apne mashwire ko islaah aur mere mashwire ko nukta cheeni samjhein . Main ne bhi mahez eik mashwira hi diya hai...Aur janaab , Roman tareeqe se likhne mein 'gam' aur 'gham' mein farq hai aur sahi talaffuz 'gham' hi hai .Moujuda tahreer mein bhi 'galtiyo' aur 'galat'  ki jagah 'ghaltiyo' aur 'ghalat' hona chaahiye .Phir bhi main muafi ka talabgaar hoon agar aap ko meri baat naagwaar guzri.

janaab main to chaand dikha rahaa thaa aap to ungli seedhi-tedi dekhne lage.............khair chaliye..... my mistake..........i apologize.........khush rahiye.
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ufaq
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«Reply #27 on: May 26, 2012, 06:56:43 AM »
mann jee, aik baar phir se aapse muafi ka talabgaar hu ki maine aapke kalaam men islaah ki.....lekin kya karu aapki ghazal men jo dard tha wo mere dil ko itnaa chhoo gaya ki mujhe lagaa ki is chaand men koi daag nahi rahna chaahiye........aur apni na kabil e gaur raay de di......jo shaayad nahi deni chaahiye thi.....
   yahaan jo bhi competent authority hai usse meri guzaarish hai ki meri us post ko delete kar de jisme maine mann ji ke kalaam men islaah ki hai.........thanks and sorry to everybody.........
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khujli
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«Reply #28 on: May 26, 2012, 07:17:34 AM »
Quote from: ufaq on May 26, 2012, 06:29:18 AM
hmmm..........aur bebeh'r ghazal jisme qaafiye bhi na milte ho use kya kahenge..........?

well BOSS most of the people they don't know bahr and qafia.as you are expert on it and believe me people don't care of such things including me. yess u r right without bahr and qafia and radeef you cann't consider a composition as a ghazal. but if any body claim its composition as ghazal then you raise objection.
well you think you are expert in this game then why the hell you are waisting your time in this platform. go and compet against the scholar.
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Qais
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«Reply #29 on: May 26, 2012, 07:42:20 AM »
Quote from: ufaq on May 26, 2012, 06:42:50 AM
janaab main to chaand dikha rahaa thaa aap to ungli seedhi-tedi dekhne lage.............khair chaliye..... my mistake..........i apologize.........khush rahiye.
Bhai , Maine koi ghalat baat to nahi kahi thhi.Aap ko bura laga to muazrat kar ke khamosh ho gaya.Magar aap phir  comment karne se baaz nahi aa rahe hain . Aap ki chand ghazlein padhi hain aur unper tabsire aur aapke jawaab bhi.Shayed aap ne kahin bhi apni  ghalti nahi maani hai. Aap 'jawaan' ko 'zawaan' ,'ghalti' ko' 'galti' likhein to jaaiz , doosron ki islaah karein to jaaiz ,doosra aapki ghalti bataaye to ghalat ye kahaan ka insaaf hai.Aur jahan tak Chaand dikhaane ki baat hai itna hi kahun ga ki aap ufaq pe namoodaar hue eik naye sitare hain apni roshni apne kalaam ke zariye phailaaiye na ki chaand ko ungli dikhaane ki koshih se .Aur agar aap aisa karte hain to tedhi ungli ko seedha karne ka mashwira to hum de hi sakte hain . 
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