Teri khwaish ka bana rehna

by Prateek Mardia on November 29, 2008, 07:56:49 PM
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Prateek Mardia
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Haasil nahi tum,pur teri khwaish ka bana rehna
Mere dil ki dawa karta,mujhe ub aa gaya jeena
In aankhon ke aanson ne badi shiddat se seecha he
Gulistaa bun gaya jaise,jisey kehte they kabhi seena

Tujhse koi nahi shikwa,nahi kismat se ranjish he
Teri aarzo ko roke hu,inhey jaane ki bandish he
Is khel mein bahut khatra,mujhey maalom he lekin
Kabhi tu kheechi chali aaye,kari aisi hi saajish he

Tujhe paane ki chaahat se,kabhi chaaha nahi maine
Jo paaya hein sada maine,usey luttey hi dekha he
gunahgaaro mein naam mera, khuda ke bandoon ne likh daala
Tammnaaye budh gayi meri,dil deewanon sa mehka he
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Pooja
Guest
«Reply #1 on: November 30, 2008, 01:37:51 AM »
 Applause Applause Applause Applause

wah wah wah kaya baat hai prateek ji bahoot khoob... pahli char line to kamal ki likhi hai apne......

Haasil nahi tum,pur teri khwaish ka bana rehna
Mere dil ki dawa karta,mujhe ub aa gaya jeena
In aankhon ke aanson ne badi shiddat se seecha he
Gulistaa bun gaya jaise,jisey kehte they kabhi seena

Upper likhi lines ki last line main ek shabd change kar ke likh rahi hu..... padte waqat Gulistan per attak gai thi... jo shabd main main ayya wo he likh rahi hu:

Haasil nahi tum,pur teri khwaish ka bana rehna
Mere dil ki dawa karta,mujhe ub aa gaya jeena
In aankhon ke aanson ne badi shiddat se seecha he
Banjar Jameen bun gaya jaise,jisey kehte they kabhi seena
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honeyrose
Guest
«Reply #2 on: November 30, 2008, 07:01:33 AM »
 Prateek Mardia ji bohat khoob likha hai aapne... Applause Applause
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Prateek Mardia
Guest
«Reply #3 on: November 30, 2008, 08:32:12 AM »
Quote from: Pooja on November 30, 2008, 01:37:51 AM
Applause Applause Applause Applause

wah wah wah kaya baat hai prateek ji bahoot khoob... pahli char line to kamal ki likhi hai apne......

Haasil nahi tum,pur teri khwaish ka bana rehna
Mere dil ki dawa karta,mujhe ub aa gaya jeena
In aankhon ke aanson ne badi shiddat se seecha he
Gulistaa bun gaya jaise,jisey kehte they kabhi seena

Upper likhi lines ki last line main ek shabd change kar ke likh rahi hu..... padte waqat Gulistan per attak gai thi...






kavita ki saraahna ke liye haardik dhanyawaad.aapko pasand aa jaaye to lagta he kuch theek likha gaya hoga.

Gulistaa ki jagah yadi shabd ''Banzar' istmaal karne par kavita ka arth badal jaayega. Mera yahan kehna ka arth he-ki jaise kisi banzar bohhmi ko paani se seecha jaata he..vaise hi yeh dil aasuon ke paani se sich kar chaman bun gaya he.

aapke sujhaav ka bhee dhanyawaad.
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Prateek Mardia
Guest
«Reply #4 on: November 30, 2008, 08:35:20 AM »
Quote from: honeyrose on November 30, 2008, 07:01:33 AM
Prateek Mardia ji bohat khoob likha hai aapne... Applause Applause



Aapki taaref ka atyant shukria honeyrose ji.
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sajid_ghayel
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«Reply #5 on: November 30, 2008, 08:59:12 AM »
Aapki ek bohat pyaari si line chura raha hu prateek majboor hu is line ko chid nahi sakta is tarah

Gungh_ruo me nam mera, khuda ke bando ne likh dala
Maikhano me mile waiz, aur muje masjido se nikala
Main bada gunahgaar hu par ek soch me atka hu
Kya farak hain dono me, kisi ne dil se kisi ne jannat se nikala

                              -SG & PRATEEK-
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Pooja
Guest
«Reply #6 on: November 30, 2008, 09:01:12 AM »
WAH KAYA BAAT HAI, BAHOOT KHOOB SG
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Prateek Mardia
Guest
«Reply #7 on: November 30, 2008, 09:05:05 AM »
Quote from: sajid_ghayel on November 30, 2008, 08:59:12 AM
Aapki ek bohat pyaari si line chura raha hu prateek majboor hu is line ko chid nahi sakta is tarah

Gungh_ruo me nam mera, khuda ke bando ne likh dala
Maikhano me mile waiz, aur muje masjido se nikala
Main bada gunahgaar hu par ek soch me atka hu
Kya farak hain dono me, kisi ne dil se kisi ne jannat se nikala

                              -SG-



Jaanab, asahmati he meri.isey pankti ka churaana nahi pankti ko samman diya he aapne.

Kya khoobkahi he aapne...mujhe bhee soch mein atka diya!! Applause
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sanya310
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«Reply #8 on: November 30, 2008, 11:32:02 AM »
Bohot hi acha likha hai Prateek ji.. =)
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jasbirsingh
Guest
«Reply #9 on: November 30, 2008, 11:36:25 AM »
Quote from: sajid_ghayel on November 30, 2008, 08:59:12 AM
Aapki ek bohat pyaari si line chura raha hu prateek majboor hu is line ko chid nahi sakta is tarah

Gungh_ruo me nam mera, khuda ke bando ne likh dala
Maikhano me mile waiz, aur muje masjido se nikala
Main bada gunahgaar hu par ek soch me atka hu
Kya farak hain dono me, kisi ne dil se kisi ne jannat se nikala

                              -SG & PRATEEK-



BAHUT HI SUNDAR. BAHUT KHOOB


JASBIR SINGH
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sajid_ghayel
Guest
«Reply #10 on: November 30, 2008, 11:40:52 AM »
Quote from: Prateek Mardia on November 30, 2008, 09:05:05 AM

Jaanab, asahmati he meri.isey pankti ka churaana nahi pankti ko samman diya he aapne.

Kya khoobkahi he aapne...mujhe bhee soch mein atka diya!! Applause

Bohat bohat shukriya prateek jee par iska credit aapko hi jata hain Aapki pehli line thi hi itni pyari aur prabhavshali ke baki line apne aap banti chali gayee
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sajid_ghayel
Guest
«Reply #11 on: November 30, 2008, 11:42:21 AM »
Quote from: jasbirsingh on November 30, 2008, 11:36:25 AM


BAHUT HI SUNDAR. BAHUT KHOOB


JASBIR SINGH
Prateek and Ghayel ki taraf se bohat bohat shukriya Jasbir
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sajid_ghayel
Guest
«Reply #12 on: November 30, 2008, 11:49:12 AM »
Quote from: Pooja on November 30, 2008, 09:01:12 AM
WAH KAYA BAAT HAI, BAHOOT KHOOB SG

Thanks pooja from SG & PM
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jasbirsingh
Guest
«Reply #13 on: November 30, 2008, 11:51:31 AM »
welcome Ghayel

Jasbir Singh
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Prateek Mardia
Guest
«Reply #14 on: November 30, 2008, 02:50:09 PM »
shukria, jasbir ji,sanya ji and ghayel ji.
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