DOCTORS

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?"

"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.

The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.

The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet."

The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly.

"As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None."

The man is appalled. "Doc...Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"

"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you it is going to seem like an eternity!"
nm

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you?
I'd like to make a little change..."

Patient: Please tell me, doctor, am I getting better?
Doctor: I think so. But to be sure, let me feel your wallet...

Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God!

:lol: :lol: nice ones!!!

A man goes into the optician and asks for his eyes to be tested because he suspected short sightedness. The optician took the man outside and pointed to the sky saying "What's that up there?".

The man replied "why.. that's the sun...!".

On that the optician said, "How far do you want to see sir!"

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.

"I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said.
"So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course," replied the patient...
"In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."
nm