Humour?????

* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...

* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

* Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . A Very Good Doctor.

A Woman's Poem
.
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?


Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.








Older Woman: Oh, I see.


Officer: Can I see your license please?


Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.


Officer: Don't have one?


Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.


Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.


Older Woman: I can't do that.


Officer: Why not?


Older Woman: I stole this car.


Officer: Stole it?


Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.


Officer: You what?


Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.


The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.






Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.






Older woman: Is there a problem sir?


Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.


Older Woman: Murdered the owner?


Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.


The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.


Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?


Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.


Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.


The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.


The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.


Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.


Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.




MORAL:


Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies

Grandma, who appeared to become an ever-more intimidating personality as the years went on, was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife:


"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."


"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?" the grandson asked.


"You're coming empty handed ... ?"