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fakharenaveed

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hello !
friends here are a series of jokes.

Patients Name (Makkhunlal)

Patient : Doctor sahb mein baite tho lethe ke jaisa dikhra agar lethe tho khade hua jaisa dikhra... mein kya karoon doctor saheb.(say like that)

Doctor Saheb : Tum Kya Kya lerahe ho bholo vuske isaab se mein tumhe ilaaj kartoon. (Doctor will answer to his question)

Patient: Kya Karoon Doctor Saheb.... Subeh Subeh.... 2 Ltr. ka fresh dhoodh pitoon doctor Saheb.... Aur vuske baad (after 3 hrs) 2 Dozen Roti Khaletoon chicken ke saath .... aur Office ko jathoon.... teek ek bhaje 3 (one box 3 KGs)carriage khaletoon doctor saheb .... fir office se aaneke baad teek 5.30 paanch dozen khela khaletoon dhoodh mein milake doctor saheb .... aur vuske baad kya kartoon doctor saheb... thak jathoon naa... thoda late (sleep) jathoon.... aur biwi ni 8.30 ko uthathi bichari Kasauti Zindagi kay serial aatha hain naa Star Plus woh dekhne ke wastein... aur teek 9.00 bhaje ek besan khaana aur mutton hain tho mutton nahin tho chicken ke saath khaletoon doctor saheb... aur teek 10.00 fir sojathoon (this way the patient will answers to the doctor, now let us c what doctor's treatment will be).

Doctor: Accha Makkhunlal tum ek kaam karo subeh... subeh... math utho... teek 7 bhaje uthke sirf 4 roti khalo ... aur do paher, 1 dabbe ka khana khalo aur office se aanke baad 2 khela khalo bhas dhoodh math piyo aur raath ko thodisi biryani khalo (Makkhunlal says aur sabzi kya khaloon, doctor says) sirf dhaal daalke khalo.... and Makkhanlal says thanq very much and he gives Rs.100/- fees.

Patient (Makkhunlal): while getting up he asks doctor that ye sab mein mere khaane ke baad karoon yaa fir khaane pehle karoon and doctor sees his face and smiles that he is dealing with Makkhanlal.


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #1 on: April 17, 2005, 01:16:39 AM »

ant and elephant

One day an elephant was rushing to the water. An ant who was on the way got blown to the side. The ant got furious.

The ant wanted to take revenge. After some time when the elephant was coming back on the same path the ant went and hid behind a tree which was by the side of the elephants path.

Why ?

The ant wanted to use its leg to trip the elephant over (vo haathi to adang dalna chahta tha !)


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #2 on: April 17, 2005, 01:17:48 AM »

Three monkeys

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000."

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen him do anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager."


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #3 on: April 17, 2005, 02:15:24 AM »

TIGER AND SARDAR

Sardar Dhakaan Singh is big hunter. Once he went to a zoo. At that time big tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent everyone out of the zoo and closed the main gate. Now the tiger is inside the zoo but wandering freely. Zoo people requested sardar to go inside and trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult he went
into the zoo in his jeep carrying a big gun. While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger is chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that the tiger is very near to the jeep. At that time the road separated into two paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right.Then cleverly, dhakaan put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right. The tiger runs into the left path.With a sigh of
relief, he drove forward. After some time the roads meet and the ! same situation arises again. once more the road divides into two and this time our sardar is smart enough to put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the tiger goes into the road on right side. After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him again.
This time the road never divides and our sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant idea struck his mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road. Then he held his hand outside and a gives signal which is given for vehicles which want to overtake. The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.

NOW TELL ME WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY??

ANSWER BELOW............

MORAL: "There are Sardar Communities in Tigers too".


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Talat

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«Reply #4 on: April 17, 2005, 10:08:13 AM »

:lol: :lol::lol: :lol::lol: :lol::lol: :lol::lol: :lol:


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NewYorker

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«Reply #5 on: April 17, 2005, 12:33:15 PM »

good one.......... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #6 on: April 17, 2005, 10:31:51 PM »

THANX NEW YORKER........................TALAT

~~~ ^^^ ~~~ ^^^ ~~~ ^^^ ~~~ ^^^ ~~~ ^^^


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #7 on: April 17, 2005, 10:34:29 PM »

Gujju Couple

A Gujju Couple were sitting at the breakfast table and the husband was

reading the ads in the paper.

He looked up and said, "Here is a
great sale on tires!"

His wife replied, "What do you want tires for?
You don't have a car."

He came back with, "I don't complain when you
go out and buy a new bra!"


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #8 on: April 17, 2005, 10:36:31 PM »

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were on a camping trip.
After a long day hiking they stopped, set up camp, had dinner and read a little before calling it a day.
About 1 AM, long after both had turned in for the night, Holmes awoke.
He looked over and saw Watson was also awake.
Holmes asked,"Watson-look up into the sky and tell me what you see.."
Watson responded "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?'
Holmes answered, "Somebody stole our tent."


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #9 on: April 17, 2005, 10:37:53 PM »

LE JA LE JA

Ek baar ki baat hain. Radha ko fish pakani thi lekin use pakana nahi aati thi, to woh us se uski receipe pooch leti aur fish kharid ke apne ghar jaa rahi hoti hain. Tabhi achank ek chid aati hain aur fish lekar uda jaati hain. To Radha bolti hain "le ja le ja, receipe to mere pass hain, pakayegi kaise?"


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #10 on: April 17, 2005, 10:40:09 PM »

INDIAN HELL

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair
for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for
another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips
you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he
moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or
less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells -
why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair
does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from
the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he
comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #11 on: April 19, 2005, 12:28:09 AM »

THEORY............

Q: So, why is it that married men gain weight and bachelors don't?
A: One theory -- remember, it's only a theory -- goes like this: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing interesting, then go to bed. Married men go to the bed, see nothing interesting, then go to the refrigerator.


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #12 on: April 19, 2005, 12:44:53 AM »

7 engineerss & 7doctors....

There are 7 Engineers and 7 Doctors going from PUNE to Mumbai. So they all
gather at STATION. Both group trying to prove their superiority.

scene 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI)

So 7 engineers take only 1 Tickets amongst them and 7 doctors take all 7
tickects..

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC is about to come , All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC

knocks , one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....

----------------------------

NOW on return Journey

All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE so they all decide to take

a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

so

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA)

Doctors decide, "this time we will prove that we too are genius"....

All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket amongst them Engineers dont take any

ticket..TC About to Comes..

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand

comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engees

Bathroom...

TC DRIVES ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily

fined........

-----------------------------------------
SCENE 3 (LONAVALA-PUNE)

SO now both the group on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move

for last chance.. They board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide

that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick..ALL Doctors take 1

tickets...Engineers take

all 7 tickets this time... SO TC Comes..

All Engineers shows their tickets

Doctors are still searching for toilet in The LOCAL.............


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fakharenaveed

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«Reply #13 on: April 20, 2005, 01:21:26 AM »

A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100
miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los
Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called
upon
said "Professor you're 44.."

The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you
arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and
he's
half nuts . . ."