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arsenmen
Guest
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Lessons worth remembering. ...... WORTH READING !!!!! !
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. then he found the CEO
standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on,
inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent,excellen t!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
machine. "I just need one copy."
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
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A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window:
"I want to open a damn checking account."
To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must
have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in
this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over
to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be
the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. I just won 50
million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking
account in this damn bank!"
"I see," says the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this
bitch here is giving you a hard time?"
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.
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An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA
when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese
are you?" The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand
what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now
irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese,
Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc...... " The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I
am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of
'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what
kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or
monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
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There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French,
who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle,
he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you
a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want
the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French
wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The
pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy
swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted," VODKA" and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and
shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is
the British.
He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.
He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!. ........"
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what
you say accidentally does happen.
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A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is
granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be
in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries.
"Pfufffff, and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet
and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of
food and cocktails.
"Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two
idiots back in the office after lunch"
Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first"
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