Santa & Banta -Panna 5:SMS , mobile & JOKES

indianraj_us

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«Reply #60 on: July 31, 2004, 12:30:58 PM »

The road to to success is always under construction.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help. Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!


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indianraj_us

Guest

Santa & Banta

«Reply #61 on: July 31, 2004, 12:32:17 PM »

wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise

Marriage:It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and women gains her master's

Dad:Son,what do you want for your birthday?Son:Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

Driving our family to a new restaurant, I took several wrong turns. When I finally found the right road, I asked my husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"
"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you're going when I'm driving."

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. Customr yells : Are you crazy? Your hand is on my steak! Waiter : What, you want it to fall on the floor again?


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #62 on: July 31, 2004, 12:38:47 PM »

No Wonder Teachers Go "Crazy"
With Children...

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at
home.

At a church school gathering, one old teacher approached a cute
5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I must a
got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers."

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same
as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

teacher: what do you want to become?

little Johnny: doctor !!

teacher: why?

little johny: coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #63 on: July 31, 2004, 12:49:57 PM »

Santa went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during the day while running some errands.
When he entered the house, he was surprised to see his wife, Jeeto in bed with Banta who placed his head on her breasts.
Santa demanded, "What on earth are you doing?"
To which Banta nonchalantly replied, "Quiet! I am listening to music !!"
Santa shoved him aside and said, "Let me listen!" and placed his head on Jeeto's breasts.
Santa exclaimed in suspicion, "I don't seem to hear any music."
"Of course not," quipped Banta, "You're not plugged in!"


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indianraj_us

Guest

Santa & Banta

«Reply #64 on: July 31, 2004, 12:50:33 PM »

A woman is picked up by Santa in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with Santa to his hotel room. Santa removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok". She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it.
Santa says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement."
A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg.
Santa gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on Santa's penis. She jumps back with shock.
"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!"
Santa says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS".


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #65 on: July 31, 2004, 12:50:57 PM »

There was once a Sardarji who couldn't distinguish between his two horses. Since he didn't know what to do he asked his neighbor for advice. The neighbor responded, Trim the tail of one of the horses. You are a very clever man, said the Sardar. For a couple of months it was all right, but then the tail grew back to its normal size. You'd better trim the mane of one of the horses, advised the neighbor. For another couple of months it worked, but then the mane grew back. The best thing to do is to look for some characteristic that doesn't vary with time, like the height of the horses, said the neighbor. You are a very wise man. I'll measure them and tell you about it. After a few hours the Sardar returned to his neighbor. You were right! I've Measured their height and the white horse is three inches taller than the black one.


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #66 on: July 31, 2004, 12:51:22 PM »

Bantasingh : I am so proud of my son. He is at medical school. Santasingh : what is he studying ? Banta : Oh he"s not studying. They r studying him !


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #67 on: July 31, 2004, 12:51:57 PM »

Santa was asked to try out a new parachute with a radio link to a guy on the ground, the guy on the ground would say when to pull the release cord for the parachute.
Santa jumped out of the plane and started to fall when he reached a thousand feet the guy on the ground said ok pull the release cord now, Santa didn't take any notice and kept falling.
He got down to 500 feet and the guy on the ground said quick pull the cord you are getting close, but Santa just ignored him and kept falling.
He got down to 100 feet and the guy on the ground said quick pull the cord, Santa still ignored him.
He got down to 10 feet, the guy on the ground said this is your last chance you'll be killed if you don't pull the cord now.
Santa replied, "Thats ok. I can jump from here!!"


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #68 on: July 31, 2004, 12:52:22 PM »

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers, Santa and Banta.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both, Santa and Banta squirmed uncomfortably.
"You, advocate Santa, gave me Rs 60,000. And you, advocate Banta, gave me Rs 50,000."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Santa, and stated, "Now then, I'm returning Rs 10,000, and we're going to decide this case strictly on its merits."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #69 on: July 31, 2004, 12:52:45 PM »

Santa had been out for a few days due to ill health. At work Banta asked him how he was feeling?
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience." he replied.
"Wonderful? How can the cold and fever be wonderful?" Banta asked Santa in stunned disbelief.
"Well, I learned that my wife, Jeeto, really loves me. You know that whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, she ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #70 on: July 31, 2004, 12:53:15 PM »

Santa applied for a loan of Rs 10,00,000.
The banker pulled out the loan application, "What have you got for collateral?"
"What's collateral?"
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicle?"
"Yes, a Tata Sumo."
The banker shook his head, "Any fixed assets, like land, house, building or...?"
"Yes, I have five acres of land, and a small farm house."
Finally, the banker decided to make the loan. Several weeks later, Santa was back in the bank.
He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said.
He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Don't know."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.
"Don't know deposit."
"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it, you can withdraw it."
Santa leaned across the desk and asked, "What you got for collateral?"


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indianraj_us

Guest

Santa & Banta

«Reply #71 on: July 31, 2004, 12:54:28 PM »

Santa came home earlier than usual, when his wife, Jeeto's lover was still in the apartment. She hid her lover in a closet, and served dinner. As they ate, something rustled in the closet.
"What's that?" Santa husband asked.
"Nothing, darling. Just jackets."
After a while, they again heard some noise in the closet.
"What the hell is that?"
"I'm telling you, just jackets."
A few minutes later, the noise sounded once more.
"I'll check it," Santa said. "You'll regret it if it's not jackets."
Santa yanked the closet's door open. Inside, he saw a man who held a pistol. Santa quietly closed the door, and said, "Indeed, jackets, darling."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #72 on: July 31, 2004, 12:54:55 PM »

A foreman sent out two groups of men to put up telephone poles along a new highway and asked them to report at the end of the day.
The crews were gone all day and returned just as the sun was setting.
The foreman asked the leader of the first group how many poles they had installed.
The reply was eleven.
The foreman patted the guy on the back and said, "Not bad."
Then he went to Santa, leader of the second group, and asked him the same question.
Two was the reply.
"Two! All you installed were two?! The other group installed eleven!" The foreman exclaimed angrily.
"Yeah," Santa answered, "But you should have seen how much they left sticking out!"


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #73 on: July 31, 2004, 12:55:21 PM »

Santa took his dog to the vet for its annual check-up.
"Your dog is overweight," the vet said. "You should cut back on his food a little and make sure he gets some exercise. Try playing fetch with him."
"That's impossible," Santa replied. "I can't play fetch with my dog."
"Why not?" asked the puzzled vet.
"Because," Santa said, "he can't throw."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #74 on: July 31, 2004, 12:55:40 PM »

Santa and Banta are walking home after a night on the piss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot.
Santa has a brainwave and says to Banta, "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police".
Banta breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Santa is wondering what the hell he's doing.
Eventually Santa sticks his head around the door and sees Banta running from bus to bus and looking very worried.
"What the hell are you doing, get a move on!"
To which Banta replies, "I can't find a number 253 anywhere".
Whereupon Santa, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts, "You idiot, steal a number 257 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!"


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