Santa & Banta -Panna 6:SMS , mobile & JOKES

indianraj_us

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«Reply #75 on: July 31, 2004, 12:56:17 PM »

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by Banta, carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning", said Banta. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, Banta wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #76 on: July 31, 2004, 12:56:39 PM »

When Santa came home, his wife, Jeeto, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Jeeto sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the country?" Santa asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it said, 'Dear Jeeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #77 on: July 31, 2004, 12:57:15 PM »

A foursome, including Banta, goes out on the course, only to find themselves waiting on every hole for the most inept golfers they've ever seen, who are playing in front of them.
After a few holes, they start yelling them, but that doesn't seem to speed their game up. By the time they've finished their round, they're so pissed off that they go straight to the golf pro to complain.
"Guys," he tells them, "those fellow you've been screaming at and taunting for the last three hours are blind".
"You're telling us," one of the irate foursome says.
"No, I meant it," the pro says, they're really blind. They're trying to overcome their handicap by participating in sports."
Now embarrassed, the first of the foursome says to the pro, "When they come in, fix them up with new golfers shoes, and put it on my tab."
The second guy adds, "And give them each a new set of club covers and put on my tab."
The third one chimes in, "Listen let them pick out a new golf shirt and put it on my tab."
They all stand there waiting for Banta to contribute something.
Noticing their stares, he says, "What? Fuck'em. Let'em play at night


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #78 on: July 31, 2004, 12:57:36 PM »

Santa was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife, Jeeto, to Banta's store.
At the store Jeeto saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Banta to finish waiting on a customer.
When Banta was finished, Jeeto asked how much for the teapot?
Banta replied, "That's silver and it costs Rs 2500"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Jeeto exclaimed.
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Santa had sent her to buy, and Banta went to the backroom to find a hinge.
From the backroom Banta yelled, "Jeeto, you wanna screw for that hinge?'
To which Jeeto replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #79 on: July 31, 2004, 12:57:59 PM »

Banta and his girlfriend go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, Banta goes out to chop some wood.
When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up."
Banta does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night.
When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #80 on: July 31, 2004, 12:58:28 PM »

Santa and Jeeto bought a box of a dozen condoms. They had a nice time in bed, playing and fondling and finally culminating it by having sex. Next morning Jeeto left for Chandigarh to visit her parents.
When Jeeto came back a week later, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of twelve.
A little upset, she asked Santa, "What happened to the other five condoms?"
Santa's reply was, "I masturbated with them."
She then went to her male confidant friend and told him told him the story, and asked him if he had ever done this.
"Yeah, once or twice," he told her.
"You mean you have masturbated with a condom before?" she said.
"Oh" he said, "I thought you meant have I lied to my wife."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #81 on: July 31, 2004, 12:58:50 PM »

Santa came home from work to find his lovely bride, Jeeto, sitting in the living room still in her bath robe.
"Jeeto darling" he says "what's the matter, you are still in your robe."
"Ah Dear," says Jeeto, "I was not feeling well. I didn't know what to do so I called Doctor Khurana. 'I'll need a specimen', he says and hung up. I don't know what a specimen is."
"Oh! I don't know either. Why don't you go up stairs to Mrs Banta and ask her, may be she'll be able to tell you."
Off goes Jeeto bounding up the stairs.
Soon Santa hears a horrible thump, bang and a loud crash. Opening his door, he sees Jeeto piled up at the bottom of the landing.
"Jeeto, what happened?"
"I told Preeto what the doctor said and she told me to just piss in a bottle. So I told her to shit in her purse . . . and the fight was on.


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #82 on: July 31, 2004, 12:59:10 PM »

Santa's wife, Jeeto, got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery.
As a result, Santa offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery.
One night Jeeto and Santa were watching TV when she broke down crying.
"What's the matter?" Santa asked.
Jeeto said "I can't believe you did this for me."
Santa hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you."
But how will I ever repay you?" she asked.
To which Santa replied, "You don't need to repay me... you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #83 on: July 31, 2004, 12:59:57 PM »

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #84 on: July 31, 2004, 01:00:20 PM »

Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can't you do that?"
"Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl.


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #85 on: July 31, 2004, 01:00:41 PM »

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."
His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #86 on: July 31, 2004, 01:08:33 PM »

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #87 on: July 31, 2004, 01:09:00 PM »

Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"

The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."

And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #88 on: July 31, 2004, 01:10:24 PM »

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"

"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."


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indianraj_us

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Santa & Banta

«Reply #89 on: July 31, 2004, 01:10:44 PM »

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."


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