~~~~()** YOU CAN LAUGH**()~~~~ ;)

God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time on earth. He replied saying he had three!
Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!

Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question.
When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a cheaper car, the Ford.

Jawaharlal is next.
He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.

Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot.
They ask why God hadn't given him anything.
 
Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some idiot told God that I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!"  

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I

have received. Hope it works for you -- and me!

 

You have 6 minutes

There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're

not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the

Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten

times so far (how do they check out this fact??).

 

Do not keep this message.

 

It must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a

very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious,

agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

 

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

 

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older,

their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

 

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep

all you want.

 

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

 

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

 

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

 

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

 

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have

dreams don't have much.

 

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's

the only way to live life completely.

 

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

 

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

 

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

 

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to

answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

 

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements

involve great risk.

 

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

 

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

 

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for

others; and responsibility for all your actions.

 

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

 

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate

steps to correct it.

 

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it

in your voice.

 

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

 

Now, here's the FUN part!

Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve.
1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.

5-9 people: Your life w improve to your liking.

9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks

15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything

you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.

 

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches

your heart.

A letter from an Punjabi mother to her son.

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.

I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love - Mom.

P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter  

Smart !
 


 

Here it goes..... this is a test for your brain
 
Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river.
You have 2
cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You
don't have anything
else with you in the boat? How will you do it?


See ans below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water.
So the boat will
become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light
the other cigarette
another deadly answer. scroll down a little

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch
it. Catches win
Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light
the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer....
scroll down

 


!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take water in your hand and drop it drop by
drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".

 

 

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer....
scroll down

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Start praising one cigarette, The other will get
jealous & "jalney lagega" :D

READ THIS. U WILL GET CONFUSSED.........




 Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.
One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally the other man
said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few
years ago I met a young widow with a grown up daughter. We got married
and I got myself a step-daughter. Later, my father married my
step-daughter. That made my step daughter my step-mother. And my father
became my step-son. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her
father-in-law. Much later the daughter of my wife, my step-mother, had a
son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son. But he
was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's
grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half brother. This was
nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of my son, my
step-mother, is also his grandmother. This makes my father the
brother-in-law of my child, whose step-sister is my father's wife. I am my
step-mother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is
my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRAND FATHER!!!!!!!!!! And you think
you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!  

How to say I Love You in 100 Languages !!!
(Psst.... some are these are pretty funny!
English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibek
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creole - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapau
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te ubesk
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when
signing'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe  

Strange Funnies:

 
[1]    If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

[2]    If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

[3]    The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

[4]    A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

[5]    A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.  

[6]    Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

[7]    The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

[8]    The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

[9]    The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

[10]    Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

[11]    Butterflies taste with their feet.

[12]    The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue

[13]    Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

[14]    Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
 
[15]    A cat's urine glows under a black light.
 
[16]    An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
 
[17]    Starfish have no brains.


[18]    Polar bears are left-handed.

[19]    Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

33 Facts about Guyz

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.

4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about.

5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.

6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".
... so true.

10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.

11. Guys love their moms.

12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple
of roses.

13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.

14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

16. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of
the earth faster than girls can.

17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.

18. Guys are very open about themselves.

19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.

20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.

22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.

23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.

24. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

25. Guys think too much.

26. Guys fantasies are unlimited.

27. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.

28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!

29. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.

30. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.

31. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

32. Guys hate girls who overreact.

33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your
relationships.
 
Doesn't this all make sense?